


Your Heart Is All I Own

by fadedreams



Series: It All Started With [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Avengers Family, Domestic Fluff, Engagement, Established Relationship, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Parent Tony Stark, Reader-Insert, That's it its just all the fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-10-18 00:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 74,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedreams/pseuds/fadedreams
Summary: When you told the story about how Bucky finally proposed, Steve always laughed at you for not realizing it was coming.“It was obvious, kid,” he'd say with a loud belly laugh.“I hadn’t slept in twenty four hours!” You'd say defensively. “I wasdelirious,you can’t blame me for not noticing!”Bucky would just shake his head at both of you.Or:The five times Bucky Barnes tried to propose to you and the one time he succeeded.





	1. Attempt No. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello! So here we go again with these two! I’ve got all of the chapters mapped out already so there shouldn’t be too much of a wait between updates. 
> 
> I’m 96.3% positive that any newcomers can get through this installment without needing to read the previous three (three? jeez!) installments to understand. Well, I tried to make it a standalone, but the inside jokes were hard to resist so there may be some that slipped by me. Again - the reader is purposefully written as poc but it shouldn't be too up in your face about it. If that's not your thing, s'okay!
> 
> As a reminder, I don’t have a beta and I’m a horrible proofreader so please let me know if you see any mistakes. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Tony. Look at me, really look at me,” you said quietly. “Are you focusing?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to understand that I’m serious when I tell you that if you’re calling to cancel this vacation I will rip out your spine and hang it in my lab.” You pointed menacingly at your phone, his image flickering on your screen as you walked out your gate.

“ _Jesus_ , I don’t know if I should be proud or afraid that you know how to be so genuinely terrifying.”

“Afraid,” Wanda said from behind him. She sat out of frame in the far left corner of his office. “I think you should be afraid.”

Tony nodded calmly, as if discussing the weather. “I agree, good call Red.”

Wanda grinned from her seat.

“ _Antonio_ ,” you said loudly.

“Alright, don’t get your underwear in a wad-”

“I thought we agreed you’d stop using that expression?” You frowned.

“-I was _calling_ ,” he said loudly, ignoring your protest, “to tell you that I’m adding a few days to our vacation. Pepper’s going to be in our last stop giving a conference. I thought we could all chill out together for a few days after the fifteenth.”

You laughed. “Please don’t say chill out again.”

Tony rolled his eyes.

“Sadly, I’m going to have to leave you two alone for those days. I’m booked in England after with Bruce. I promised him I’d help out with a project he has. After that I’m visiting a few old college friends in Ireland.”

“What project?” Tony straightened. “He hasn’t told me about any project.”

You fought the smile threatening to overtake your face. As the Director of Stark labs, Tony was used to be informed about all of your work. He _hated_ being left out of the loop.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that.” You smiled at his indignant huff. “Like I told you at the _start_ of this call, I’m literally a five minute walk away. I thought you were coming to pick me up?”

Whenever you landed home after a business trip, Tony had made sure he was always the one to pick you up at baggage claim. He’d hold up a sign that said something different every time. It was something of a tradition at this point. 

You pull the straps of your duffel bag higher up onto your shoulder.

Tony’s face twisted and Wanda laughed again. “Tin Man beat me to it.”

“Tony! It was supposed to be a surprise,” Wanda chastised. “He’s just mad that he lost.”

“Lost what?”

“Rock, paper, scissors,” Tony said.

You laughed and shook your head.

“Yeah, _whatever_.”

“Hey, I forgot to tell you,” Tony shifted the camera view and pointed it towards the front wall of his office. “The frame finally came in, what do you think?”

The painting you’d given him as wedding present hung there, its new frame complimenting the colors well. Your mother had painted some things and you’d found one in storage that she had left for Tony.

“Aw, Tony, it looks great! I told you the green was the better choice.”

You squinted and noted that one of the small frames next to it was a photo of your mom, Tony, and you. It was on your sixteenth birthday, when Tony had given you your first car.

Wanda appeared, looking up at it, and Tony’s face came back into frame.

“Doesn’t it? I told Pepper we could keep it somewhere we could both see it but, she insisted.” Tony’s face turned pensive and serious. “I talk to it sometimes, let her know how you’re doing. She’d be so proud of you kiddo.”

You smiled; Tony had always had a soft spot for you mom. You’d met Tony at a science fair when you were ten. You started working in his lab shortly after, even though you barely reached anyone’s shoulders.

Your mom was a single mother, serious, and hard working. Somehow, Tony managed to worm his way into your daily life. Your mother _loved_ doting on him and Pepper. They’d all been close friends up until her death a few years later.

Tony swooped in as your legal guardian, a fact he tried to keep under wraps for everyone’s safety, and the rest was history. However, this did make him a little overprotective at times – it made _everyone_ overprotective.

Tony squawked suddenly and Rhodey popped into frame.

“Kiddo!”

“Rhodey!” You grinned. “I didn’t now you were in town.”

“Someone asked me if I could keep an eye on things around here for the few weeks you two are off on a beach somewhere.”

“What do you mean?”

He snorted. “Pepper doesn’t trust things to go smoothly with all of you leaving.”

“All of us? Only Tony and I are going to be-”

Tony coughed and Rhodey glanced at him weirdly. Suddenly the phone shuffled and Tony’s arc reactor took up all of the screen.

_“He hasn’t told her yet – neither of them.”_

“Who hasn’t told me what?” You said loudly into the mic piece on your headphones. “Tony!”

Tony tilted the phone up and he grinned. You narrowed your eyes, recognizing his _keep-moving-nothing’s-wrong_ smile.

“ _Tony_.”

“Uh, you’re losing signal.”

“I’m on JFK’s Wi-Fi.” You shot him a look.

Tony frowned exaggeratedly. “Then it must be me – you know how bad the signal is up here.”

“Tony, the tunnels underneath the tower have signal strong enough to withstand an apocalypse.”

He gasped. “Is that the time? I’m late for a meeting! I’ll see you in an hour when you get here.”

“Tony-”

“- _bye_!”

The screen went black and brought you back to your home screen. You frowned down at your phone and stepped on the escalator that you knew would bring you to baggage claim.

Before you could bombard Tony with texts, you caught sight of a pair of familiar steel blue eyes.

Grinning, you weaved through the crowd and jogged towards him. You dropped your duffel and threw your arms around him.

His arms held you steadily, one around your waist and the other cradling your head.

“ _Iubire_ ,” he said into your hair. “Welcome home.”

You smiled and couldn’t help but dig your nose into his neck and inhale deeply. You missed him, his scent and his steadying presence. He chuckled, your breath probably tickled him, but you didn’t care.

“I missed you,” you said, tightening your hold before dropping down.

“I missed you too.”

Bucky pressed a quick kiss to your temple and hauled the duffel over his shoulder. “You ready?”

“Please tell me you brought the bike,” you grinned, interlocking your hand with his.

He brought your hand up to his lips and smiled. “Maybe.”

“ _Yes_.”

Bucky laughed and you beamed. It’d been almost four years now and his laughter still made your heart skip. You watched him as he led you into the parking lot and towards the bike.

You’d been away, making sure the newest offices for Stark Industries in L.A. were left in good standing. Bucky had managed to fly to the west coast for a short visit, but that had been almost three weeks ago now.

It’d been a long time since you saw anyone from the team, all of you being scattered across the globe. You and Tony had been working so hard on the new offices that you’d missed more than your fair share of missions– The Avengers had taken a back seat.

Which, was why Tony had arranged a vacation for the both of you. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a day off. Was it Tony and Pepper’s wedding? Either way, you were excited to have a few days to yourselves before climbing back into the chaos.

“What?” Bucky said as he tied your bag to the small compartment at the back. “What’re you looking at?”

You grinned. “I can’t look at my boyfriend?”

Bucky scrunched his nose and you rolled your eyes.

“I told you, if you hate the word so much, tell me what to call you.”

“It makes us sound like we’re children,” Bucky handed you the spare helmet. “You’re more than…than my _girlfriend_.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Gee, my heart is all aflutter.”

Bucky smirked and you laughed.

“Hey,” you caught his hand before he pulled his own helmet on. “I know I’ve been bouncing around a lot lately but – after I’m done with Tony I told Bruce I’d help him on something in London. You want to meet me there? We could have our own mini-vacation. I promised Ross I’d be back on active duty in a few months.”

Bucky’s expression faltered and you frowned.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Loud laughter had you glancing over your shoulder. A family of six stopped at a car close by and started packing up their suitcases.

You turned back to Bucky but his expression had already neutralized. “I’ll explain when we’re back home.”

“Buck-”

“It’s nothing bad, I promise. Just – not a conversation to have here.”

You glanced at the number of people who were starting to come through the entrance and nodded. “Alright.”

Bucky nodded and pulled on his helmet. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

You climbed on behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Do me a favor?”

“Anything,” he answered sincerely.

You smiled.

“Go fast.”

Bucky’s laughter echoed as he revved the engine and tore out of the lot.

\----

“ _Maco_!”

You turned, looking for Wanda, recognizing her well-used term of endearment for you.

“Wanda!” You grinned when you saw her.

She launched herself into your arms and you squeezed her. “I’ve missed you!”

Wanda smiled and shook her head. “Next time you want to be gone for weeks, take me with you. These two are unbearable when you’re away for too long.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I heard that!” A loud voice followed. “Giggles, you should be defending my honor.”

You perked up at the sound of Tony’s nickname for you, one you’d now grown to accept, and smiled when he climbed down the stairs with a dramatic sweep.

“Always gotta make the grand entrance,” you said, grinning.

“What? _That_? Please, if you want a grand entrance I can show you a-”

“Shut up and come hug me.”

Tony laughed and pulled you to his chest. You smiled and wrapped your arms around his torso.

“How was the flight?” He asked.

“Fine, I’m due for a nap sometime soon. I hate red eyes.”

Tony winced. “Yeah, been there.”

“I’m surprised you’re all awake actually,” you said. “Well, not Bucky.”

Bucky snorted.

“But definitely you,” you pointed to Tony.

“Hey, I resent that.”

You huffed and checked your watch. “It’s eight already? Ugh, I need a shower, comfortable clothes, and a nap. In that order.”

Tony smiled and kissed the top of your head. “Go take a nap, I’ll have someone send up brunch in a few hours. I’ll be in my lab if you need me.”

“Thanks,” you squeezed his hand, “wait, did you see that e-mail Ross sent us? I got in mid-flight, but I haven’t been able to open it yet.”

While Ross wasn’t technically all your bosses anymore, Tony and Steve still preferred to keep everyone on friendly-ish terms. You’d let him know you were off active duty before you’d left for California but, that never really stopped him from bugging you.  

Tony rolled his eyes. “Yeah. I told him we were going to be unavailable for missions, but you know how he is.”

You laughed. “Let me guess, you put him on hold?”

“He’s stopped calling,” Tony shrugged innocently. “I have no idea why.”

“Is it something he needs us for?”

Tony’s expression stilled for a brief second and to anyone else it would’ve been undetectable, but you knew.

“What?” You sighed, already anticipating a problem.

“Nothing,” he said. “We can talk about it after you take a nap, I’m sure you’ll have some choice words.”

Confused, you frowned but Tony was already moving on.

Deciding to let it go, you shrugged and padded towards the elevator.

You reached for Bucky when you realized he wasn’t behind you. You turned around and saw him standing close to Tony. Raising a brow, you caught Tony’s gaze. Tony nodded sharply and moved towards his office, out of your line of sight.

“What was that?” You asked Bucky as you descended to your apartment.

“What was what?”

“Whatever _that_ was with Tony.”

“Oh,” Bucky frowned. “Nothing, he just wanted to remind me of something.”

You furrowed your brows. “Yeah, because that’s totally normal. You two love being in each other’s company.”

Bucky’s face blanked and you sighed.

Trying to pick your battles, you ignored it for now, opened your front door and went directly for the couch. Plopping down you groaned, happy to be off your feet.

Bucky chuckled and you felt him remove your shoes.

“Thanks,” you said, voice muffled by the pillows.

“Come on, you wanted to change before sleeping – remember?”

You groaned. “Don’t make me get up.”

Two arms went around your body and you were suddenly in the air. You instinctively wrapped an arm around his neck and steadied yourself with the other.

He lowered you onto the bed and you smiled.

“Have I mentioned how you’re the best?”

“Once or twice,” Bucky smiled, tossing you a tank top and pair of shorts to change into.

“So, you gonna tell me about what that was back in the parking lot?”

Bucky froze, his shoulders tense.

“ _Iubire_ …”

“Don’t,” you held up a hand. “Did you really think I wasn’t going to ask? You two are acting like you don’t know me.”

Bucky sighed and sat down on the bed next to you. You waited for him to sort through his thoughts and changed into your pajamas.

“We’ve been called onto a mission,” Bucky said finally.

“Okay?” You said, walking to your dresser and removing your jewelry. “I’m not on active duty, why would that make you all tiptoe around me?”

“It’s a cat one,” he said quietly.

You gaped. “What?”

“Steve’s leading it and he needs back up, I can’t _not_ go.”

“Of course not,” you stumbled over to the bed. “B-but if it’s a cat one why weren’t Tony and I notified?”

Bucky grimaced and you already knew the answer.

“He _was_ notified and kept me in the dark.” You crossed your arms. “Did we not learn anything from the past few years? Why do people keep making decisions for me?”

You felt hurt, and more than little angry.

“It wasn’t like that,” Bucky stood, reaching out for you. You took a few steps back, staying a healthy distance away from him.

“Then what was it like?” You asked, trying to stay calm. “If you’re going, if _all_ of you are going, I should too.”

“Tony’s not,” Bucky said and you frowned. “I mean, not everyone’s going.”

“Who?” You asked, puzzled. You’d only been around for a handful of Category Ones and every Avenger was present and at the front line then. The last one you’d missed was Ultron and that was because you were still in Grad school.

Bucky shrugged. “Bruce said no.”

“So Wilson’s going instead?” You guessed.

He nodded. “Tony said no for both of you.”

Your frowned deepened.

“So Steve stepped up.”

“Wanda said no and Vision agreed to go.”

You shook your head and bit at your fingernail.

“Rhodey’s staying behind to keep an eye on things here, Pepper’s back next week for a few days and Wanda’s going to Clint’s. She misses Nathan and…there’s more to life than missions.”

“You should take your own advice.”

Bucky shot you a look and you sighed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be mad at him. We _all_ agreed that this shouldn’t interrupt your plans, not just Tony.”

“I could be an asset, we both could be,” you argued. “You’re all going without proper back up. Who’s coming from the compound upstate? I-I’m not comfortable with not going-”

“Hey, look at me,” you frowned but looked up at him. “We didn’t want to tell you because this is your first break in years. You can’t continue down the same path that you’ve been on. You’ll burn out – trust me, I know.”

“I took days off a few years ago!” You exclaimed, feeling cornered.

Bucky frowned and shot you a confused look. You got up, not offering an explanation, and walked to the bathroom. You started washing your face and avoided Bucky’s glare.

“Are you talking about-” he sighed. “ _You were in a coma.”_

“-that I used my days off for!”

Bucky huffed.

“I don’t want you to run on empty and I don’t want you to be worried about me. You two taking a vacation for more than a few hours is unheard of and that’s not healthy. _You_ taught me that.”

“I’m going to be worried about all of you!” You dried off your face roughly, ignoring his last quip. “Bucky-”

“He’s really excited about this trip, _iubire_ , he’s been talking about it to every one - even to _me_ and you know that means something.” Bucky said quietly. “You need to relax for once.”

“I _am_ relaxed!” Your grip on your cleanser tightened and it creaked.

Bucky raised his brows.

You exhaled harshly and dropped it onto the counter.

“Okay, okay… you may have a point.” You sat onto the small ottoman by your vanity. “It’s just – we’ve never – _you’ve_ never gone on a cat one without me.”

Bucky sighed. You knew he understood your reservations. While Wanda was usually your partner on missions, you both always felt more at ease when you were on the same assignment. Especially if it was one of this magnitude with all available hands on deck.

He crouched down to your height and tapped your chin when you wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I’ve been told that I’m a good fighter, you don’t need to worry about me.”

You snorted. “It’s not about me not believing that you can’t do it. You’re all capable. I’m just - it’s a _cat one_. We’ve never gone that deep undercover for that long without each other. It’s hard to be sidelined. I don’t like being left behind.”

“If you really want to go, I won’t stop you. No one will.” Bucky tapped a pattern onto your thigh. “Ross will be incredibly happy to have you on.”

You smiled halfheartedly and contemplated it. After a moment, your shoulders slumped. “You’re right,” you said quietly.

Bucky squeezed your knee and kissed your forehead. “It’s been known to happen on occasion.”

You laughed lightly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m really, _really_ , tired and it was a bit of a surprise.”

“I should’ve told you earlier but, there never seemed to be the right time. I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

“What? There’s no right time to tell your girlfriend that you’ll be going on a mission with zero external communication for a few months, if not most of the year? That’s definitely a FaceTime conversation,” you joked.

Bucky frowned and you sighed.

“I told you, pick a pet name if you don’t like it that much!” You stood and pulled your pants off.

“What are you doing?”

You smiled and peeled your shirt off, tossing it in his direction. You opened the shower door and turned the water on. You stifled a laugh when you saw your shirt hanging off his shoulder, you grinned. “I’m taking a shower, what does it look like?”

Climbing in, you almost groaned at the hot water hitting your bad shoulder. After a few beats of silence, you opened the door and shot him a look.

“You coming in or what?”

Bucky grinned.

\----

“So, I leave in three days for the Mediterranean and you leave in four for…”

Bucky snorted. “Nice try.”

You smiled into his bare shoulder and shrugged. “I have other methods for making you tell me.”

“Do you?” He asked sleepily.

Nodding, you pressed kisses towards his neck and his eyes closed. You ran a hand through his messy hair, it had gotten long again and you knew he’d need to cut it shorter for the mission. Bucky leaned into your touch and you watched him drift back to sleep.

The sun came through your open windows, your curtains billowing in the breeze, and light streaked across Bucky’s back. You continued to scratch his scalp lightly, your heart expanding as he smiled drowsily.

Sometimes you thought about how unfair his beauty was, how lovely this version of him – the one only you got to see – was.

A thought struck you then, making you frown.

 _You won’t see him for a long, long time. You_ just _got back and now he’s leaving_. You wouldn’t know what was going on, there wouldn’t be any mission updates, only you worrying about everyone.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked, eyes still closed.

You huffed. “How do you do that?”

He smiled, turned onto his side, and pulled you towards him. You squeaked and laughed when his hand settled onto your ribs. Bucky watched you quietly, with a pensive expression settling onto his face. You’d learned over the years that it was best to let him think through his internal argument before asking.

While he worked through his thoughts, you traced nonsensical patterns across his collarbone and up his neck.

After a moment, the clouds in his eyes cleared and you smiled. “Penny for _your_ thoughts?”

He smiled faintly and you traced his lips.

“You first,” he said, nipping at your fingertip.

“I was thinking, we have a few days together, and I don’t know when we’ll be seeing each other again,” you said quietly. “Why not make the best of them?”

Bucky grinned. “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Starting right now,” he flipped you so he hovered above you. His lips went to your neck and you arched into him.

“I meant doing something – _ah_ – outside of these four walls,” you said, your hold on his bicep tight.

“We could go to my apartment but,” Bucky mouthed the other side of your neck and you withered beneath him, “Steve will probably hear us. You’re not exactly quiet.” He nipped at your skin playfully.

“I meant, outside this tower!”

“That’s adventurous,” Bucky joked dryly.

You laughed, surprised, and shoved at his shoulder. “What about dinner? We haven’t been to see Fatima lately. I’m just – you’re going to be gone for a long time Buck.”

Bucky watched you, eyes solemn and nodded.

“I’ll follow you wherever you go,” Bucky said, tone serious and you frowned.

You turned towards him and smiled softly. “You okay?” You asked.

He reached down for a kiss and nodded. “Just thinking.”

“Want to share?”

Bucky shook his head. “Eventually.”

You nodded and kissed his jaw. “I’m going to shower and go downstairs to talk to Tony, want to join?”

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up in a few minutes.”

“Alright,” you kissed him one last time before heading towards the bathroom.

* * *

“I think that covers our vacation,” you said chewing on a mouthful of honeydew. “Remember, you promised me two museums, no complaining.”

“Yes, yes, I promised.” Tony said, weirdly antsy. “So, enough about our itinerary, any news?”

“Since I last saw you three hour ago?” You asked, grabbing a croissant and more fruit from the middle of the table. “Are you _asking_ or _telling_ me?”

Tony frowned. His eyes darted, for the tenth time, towards your hands and you dropped your fork onto your plate. “Okay, what’s going on? Is this about the cat one? Do you _want_ me to chew you out for that? Because Bucky already convinced me not to choke you.”

Bucky walked in, Steve, Wanda, and Vision close behind. Bucky placed a hand on your back before sitting down next to you.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, taking in your expression.

You huffed. “Tony’s being weird.”

Steve straightened, his shoulders stiff and you frowned. Steve had come to see you this morning, you’d caught him on his way up from his morning run. He seemed okay then but, you’d recognize his _deer-in-the-headlights_ look anywhere. It was never a good sign when Steve was nervous.

“ _What_?” You crossed your arms.

Vision and Wanda looked as lost as you did. When no one said anything you narrowed your eyes.

“Wanda could you please-”

“I – um – have to go,” Steve almost knocked his chair back with how quickly he darted out of the room.

Bucky and Tony both glared at Wanda who raised her hands. “I won’t! I promise, I just wanted some food.” She frowned at you. “Sorry.”

You huffed and shook your head. “I’m going to let, whatever this is, go – just because we’re going on vacation and I’m not letting you two ruin it.” You shot Bucky a look but he studiously ignored you.

“I didn’t say anything,” Tony argued.

“Whatever!”

\----

An hour later, you were sprawled on the sofa in the common room. Your feet were tucked behind Bucky, who was half asleep at the other end of the loveseat.

You’d been busy trying to take advantage of the little time you had with Bucky. He’d patiently waited as you mapped out a list on your phone, his hands tracing patterns into your calves.

“Okay, I think I have it down,” you finally said. “I need to pass by the hospital before I leave, Mia’s parents e-mailed me last week letting me know she’s ringing the bell today. I promised I’d pass by if I could. We could have lunch before or dinner after?”

Bucky smiled. “Let’s have dinner after, we can go through the building and see what PR has to donate.”

“I like how you think,” you said, texting the head nurse to let her know you’d be arriving sometime this afternoon.

You and Bucky volunteered at the pediatrics wing at a hospital where you mom had worked as often as you could. Thanks to Tony, they were able to update all of their systems and machines a few years ago. All the nurses knew you through your mom and felt like extended family.

The kids, however, loved Bucky and he loved them just as much. Lauren, the head nurse, always managed to snap a picture when he passed by without you.

“Lauren says she’s excited to see us,” you told Bucky. “Let’s see what we can find in the PR closet.”

\----

“Hey, Steve said he’d seen you two sneaking around on twentieth floor,” Wanda said and trailed off as spotted you.

Bucky froze but you just grinned and kept packing promotional shirts into the largest duffel you could find.

“Did you empty out their entire stock?” Wanda asked, and you muffled your laughter at Bucky’s guilty expression.

“No,” you said disbelievingly. “They’ll be fine! This is for the kids!”

“At the hospital?” Wanda perked up. “Could Vision and I join you two? He’s always been interested in going.”

“Of course,” you beamed at her.

She grinned and hurried off to find Vision.

“The kids are going to love Vision,” you said to Bucky while you tried to zipper the overstuffed bag. “Hey – some help would be nice.”

You turned to find Bucky frowning.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He zipped up the bag effortlessly and you huffed.

“Is it because of Vis? They’ll love you too Bucky,” you grunted, pushing the duffel towards the elevator. “Trust me, Dot’s going to be beside herself that you’re there.”

At that, Bucky smiled. Dot was his favorite patient – she’d lost her arm during a nasty infection and she thought Bucky just about hung the moon. Thankfully, she was scheduled to be discharged at the end of next month.

A tense expression flittered across his face but was gone by the time you could take a good look at him.

“If you don’t feel well, you don’t need to go,” you assured him. “I’ll bring you some food back.”

“No, it’s okay,” Bucky sighed. “I just need to pass by my apartment for a moment. I’ll meet you downstairs?”

“Sure,” you said, confused by his sudden change.

He kissed your temple and disappeared around the corner.

_Weird._

\----

Drinking up the last of your coffee, you watched Bucky warily.

Yesterday had gone well. As usual, he had children hanging off his arms within moments and you’d visited as many as you could. You’d managed to stay way passed your allotted time, like always, and you’d ended up inviting all the nurses on break out to dinner.

Bucky seemed to have had fun, but his shoulders were tense and he’d been more awkward than usual.

This morning, on your way to breakfast, you’d tried to study him as best as you could but – Bucky was a blank slate. You put your mug down into the sink and sighed. Hopefully today’s plans would go more according to plan.

Bucky had asked if you could spend your afternoon on the great lawn in Central Park. He’d promised to get you lunch at one of your favorite spots nearby. You’d happily agreed, knowing that Bucky loved laying out on the lawn – especially when the spring sun wasn’t as cumbersome as the summer humidity.

“You ready?” You ran a hand through his hair, kissing his eyebrow.

He leaned into your stomach and nodded, his fingers still tapping a nervous pattern onto the kitchen island.

“Alright, let’s go then,” you plucked your tote from the chair and pulled him up.

On your way out, you heard a loud voice call your name. You whirled around, looking for the source and grinned when you saw Sam.

“Sammy!” You teased, hugging him tightly. “It’s been too long.”

“Way too long,” Sam agreed, tossing an arm around your shoulders. “I haven’t seen you since our last mission in Moscow.”

You shivered at the memory. “No one should ever be on a Russian mountain in January.”

Sam grinned and nodded towards Bucky. “Barnes.”

“Wilson,” Bucky rolled his eyes and smacked his shoulder. “How’s D.C.?”

“Same ol’ same ol’,” Sam winked at you. “Thanks for keeping an eye on my girl for me.”

Bucky’s eye twitched.

You couldn’t help but laugh, Sam _loved_ that he was one of the few people who could successfully poke at Bucky’s small jealousy streak.

Before they could start an argument, you held out your hands. “Alright, alright, don’t make me dump cold water on your heads.”

Bucky pulled me to his side and Sam laughed good naturedly. “Where you two off to?”

“Central Park.”

“Shoot – do you mind if I come along? I wanted to ask you a few questions about the alterations you made the wings. I’m taking the newer sets on the cat one.”

You nodded. “Sure, we’ll be downstairs.”

Sam grinned and jogged off towards his room. You pulled Bucky into the elevators and double checked your bag to make sure you had sunblock.

“Thank you Friday,” you called out as you walked off the elevators.

“ _You’re welcome.”_

“Hey Joe!” You beamed at the security guard on shift. “How’s your wife? Did she have the baby?”

The tall guard grinned when he saw you and nodded. “She did, nine pounds, two ounces.”

“Oh, poor mama, how’s she doing?”

“They’re both good, it’s a girl, just like you said.”

You pumped your fist. “I knew it!”

Joe laughed.

“What’s her name?”

“Leah Anne, after her grandmothers.”

“That’s beautiful, do me a favor? Leave me your address with Pepper’s assistant, I would love to send her something-”

“-ah, Miss, you don’t have to-”

“Don’t make me pull rank Joseph.”

The guard flushed and smiled wide. “Alright, alright, you got me.”

“Congratulations!” You hugged him. “I’m so happy for you!”

You waved as you made your way towards the revolving doors and finally noticed Bucky’s dark expression.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You asked. “I’m sorry if that bothered you, his wife is the sweetest woman. She’s in accounting.”

“No, nothing.”

“ _Bucky_.”

“Nothing-”

Your glare silenced him and he shrugged. “We haven’t had a moment for ourselves. You leave the day after tomorrow and then-” he huffed, frustrated. “Yesterday we were supposed to have dinner, today the park…”

Softening, you frowned. “I’m sorry cariño, I didn’t even think about that when Sam asked.”

Bucky shrugged again.

“I’m just worried about all of you going without me or Tony. I want to make sure you all have your ducks in a row.” You perked up. “Which, I need to make a few tweaks to the last round of firearms and shields tonight…”

He sighed and pulled you into his chest. “I know, I’m not mad.”

You looked up at him and bit your lip.

“I’m sure he won’t stay for long, besides, it’s just Sam-” you broke off when you saw Sam, Wanda, Vision, and Rhodey come out the revolving doors.

You winced and looked back up at Bucky. He saw your guilty expression and laughed lightly.

“I can’t keep you all to myself,” he squeezed your hands, assuring you he wasn’t mad and you waved your group over.

“I promise, we’ll find a moment to ourselves.”

* * *

You shivered, goosebumps rising, as you toweled off after your shower. You hoped that you’d managed to get most of the grass out of your hair.

Sam had found water balloons and you’d all ended up in a mini-water fight. One that ended with everyone drenched and grass stuck everywhere.

You carefully dropped your dirty clothes into the hamper and put on your clean pajamas. You stepped out into the bedroom and sighed when Bucky wasn’t in the bed. You eyed it longingly. You were exhausted from the day but glad that you’d all had a chance to have an afternoon together.

Ignoring your inviting bed, you padded down the hallway and into the kitchen. You stopped, halfway there, catching sight of Bucky in the living room.

You quietly walked into the room and saw that he was leaning over an opened bag that he’d tossed half-heartedly upon your return. His broad shoulders blocked out what he was holding in his hands.

Attempting to sneak up on him, you rose to the balls of your feet and took a few steps closer. Before you could get remotely close, his head snapped up when you hit a creaky floorboard.

He shoved whatever was in his hands into his bag and turned to look at you. “It’s not nice to sneak up on people,” he said, smile growing. “That’s what you always say, isn’t it?

You grinned sheepishly.  

“What’s that?” You motion to his bag. “Seems awfully important.”

Bucky smiled and shook his head. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I would, that’s why I’m asking,” you grinned and tried to dash to him but he picked you up easily.

“Nope,” he carried you towards the bedroom.

You laughed, smacked his shoulders. “Let me down! I’ll figure it out anyway!”

Bucky dropped you onto the bed and you bounced. Sitting up, he sat down by the foot of the bed.

“Come on, I can keep a secret,” you poked him.

“It’s a present,” he said quietly, his eyes lighting up as he thought it over, “for someone _very_ important.”

You grinned. “It’s not anywhere near my birthday, our anniversary, or Christmas.”

“Do I need an occasion to give you a gift?”

“No, definitely not, but shouldn’t I be allowed to see it?” You smiled at his exasperated expression.

“It’s not ready yet.”

“ _Oh_ ,” you hummed, trying to think of ways to pry more clues out of him.

Before you could ask your next question, Bucky pulled his shirt and sweatpants off in a flash. Your question died in your throat and you eyed him.

He climbed the bed and straddled you. Bucky settled his weight onto your thighs and you couldn’t help but become a little starry eyed. Trying not to be deterred you squirmed away but Bucky grabbed your wrists. His stubble scratched against your collarbone and you shivered.

Eyes narrowed, you eyed him. “Are you trying to distract me with sex?”

Bucky huffed a laugh, his breath hitting your neck and making your hair stand on edge. You watched his eyes squint with his smile and your heart tripped over itself.

“Is it working?” He asked, voice low.

You pretended to think it over for a moment before grinning.

“Yeah, it’s working.”

\----

The next morning, you’d barely opened your eyes when your lab assistant had called for you – her appendix had ruptured and she wouldn’t be able to come to work in your absence.

Panicked, you assured her everything would be okay and then spent the whole morning coaching your team through anything they’d need. Locking yourself into your office, you tried to note down anything your team would need to know over the next few weeks.

You were almost through your last page of notes when a knock at your door pulled you from your mind.

Bucky leaned against the doorframe, his hair tied up in a bun and you winced.

“I’m sorry, Emma’s out sick and I had to prepare Delia and Ryan to take over for the week,” you scrambled to explain.

Bucky smiled and shook his head. “You don’t need to explain, I know. Tony’s been walking around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.”

“I think it’s worse because Pepper isn’t here,” you said.

“You think you’ll be done for dinner?” He asked hopefully.

“I will _absolutely_ be done before dinner.”

You squared your shoulders and shut your binder.

“In fact, if you give me five minutes I’ll drop this off at Delia’s station and we can go on a lunch date.”

This time, Bucky winced.

“What?” You asked.

“I have the debriefing in a few minutes, Ross called us all in. He wanted to catch Tony before he left.”

 “Of course.” You wilted.

Bucky smiled sadly. “Dinner?”

You nodded.

“Dinner.”

\----

 _Nothing is going to take away from this night, your last night with Bucky. You will not let anything take your attention away._ You promised, pointing at yourself in the mirror.

“This is your last chance until God knows when,” you said quietly. “Get it together.”

“ _Iubire_?” Bucky called out.

“I’m ready!”

You walked out, pulling an earring through your ear, and smiled when you saw him waiting for you by the door.

“Maybe we should stay in,” Bucky’s eyes trailed down your body.

Before you could follow up, there was a loud knock on the door. You both froze.

After a beat, there was another knock.

Bucky sighed, frustrated expression on his face. “I can’t catch a break.”

You shot him a look. “What do we do?”

“Well we can’t ignore it,” Bucky said. “That’s our only way out.”

“Technically-”

“Our only _rational_ way out.”

“Whatever you say,” you shrugged. “Whoever that is, we’ll just politely tell them we’re busy and to come back tomorrow.”

“You're leaving at eight in the morning.”

“If it’s so important they can come back really, _really_ , early.”

Bucky snorted and you jumped when the knocking increased in volume.

“Oh, just open it,” you sighed.

Before either of you could reach for the door, it swung open. The second your eyes landed on the red hair you knew the night had hit a speed bump.

“ _Zaika_!” She grinned, her nickname for you echoing through the apartment.

“Natasha!” You ran to her, crashing into her arms. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to say good-bye didn’t I?”

“Good-bye?” You frowned, leaning back. “For wha – Jesus, not you too.”

Natasha quirked a brow. “Not me too what?”

“You’re going on the cat one assignment?”

She nodded. “Stark asked me if I would help settle everyone in and Rogers said he’d feel better if I assisted with the locals. I’m the best choice for mingling with the-”

Bucky cleared his throat and Natasha rolled her eyes.

“She’ll find out eventually.”

He shot her another look and she frowned.

“Alright, _fine_ ,” she squeezed your hand and smiled brightly. “I missed you _zaika_. Where are you two going?”

You winced and looked to Bucky who sighed. Remembering your earlier promise you straightened. “We’re on our way to dinner, Fatima’s saving us our favorite table.”

Natasha beamed. “Bring me back something, I’ve been craving her linguine.”

“Noted,” you laughed. “Have you been by to see Wanda? She’s going by Clint’s this weekend.”

“I came straight here,” she said. “She’s next on my welcome parade.”

You smiled and reached out for Bucky’s hand. He took yours and you pulled him towards the door.

“I’ll have her back by eleven,” Bucky said and shot you a smile. “You three can catch up then.”

Natasha laughed and punched Bucky’s shoulder. “You never were good at sharing.”

Bucky scowled and you waved as you made your way to the elevator.

“Hey,” you tugged on his hand. “You don’t need to do that for her. I promised you a night, just us, and I don’t want to waste it.”

Bucky looked down at you and his eyes softened.

“Natasha will be gone with me for just as long, I know how much you’ve missed her. I don’t mind, I promise.” He looked resigned but you didn’t understand why.

“If I’m joining them, then you have to promise to still be awake when I get back. You might not mind sharing, but I do.” You smiled mischievously and pressed close to him. “Maybe take a nap, save your strength. I might have you up all night.”

Bucky laughed

“Deal.”

* * *

_“Captain Rogers is requesting entrance into your apartment,”_ Friday announced.

“Let him in,” you said.

He called out a few moments later. “Hello?”

“In the bedroom!” You yelled.

“Hey stranger.”

You turned around from your suitcase and found Steve leaning against your door frame.

“Hey,” you smiled warmly. “Haven’t seen you around much.”

Steve smiled and shrugged. “I was trying to give you two some time together but…”

“Clearly everyone else didn’t get the message?” You laughed and shook your head. “I feel a little bad.”

Steve laughed. “It’s not your fault everyone flocks to our youngest.”

You rolled your eyes. “I hate you.”

“Love you too.”

“Have you been keeping up with your movies?” You asked, turning back to survey your carry on.

When Steve had first come to live in New York City, you’d taken it upon yourself to familiarize him with pop culture. He’d taken quickly to the classics but had trouble adjusting to anything sci-fi or fantasy.

“Bucky and I caught the Harry Potter movies with Wanda last month.”

“Yes! Wanda said you guys really liked it. Good choice,” you said.

“Well, I’m saying my goodbyes now because some agents are being sent over from the compound and they’ll need to be briefed for the mission. I won’t be able to join you guys on roof. I just – I wanted to say that I’m really happy you’re not coming.”

You shot him a look and he waved his hands. “Wait, not like that. I meant, I’m glad you stuck to your plan about going on vacation.”

“I still don’t know how I feel about it,” you said.  

Steve shook his head. “I sat out the last one and Tony filled in for me, that’s the point of a team kiddo. You know you can lean on each other when you’re not at your best. Besides, if we really need any backup, I promise that I’ll ask Ross to pull you two in.”

You stuck out your pinky and Steve huffed a laugh. You wiggled your finger and he took it with his own.

“Promise,” he repeated.

“Please be careful Steve,” you reached around his neck to give him a tight hug. “Watch out for them, will you?”

“Of course,” he said, hugging you back with just as much fervor.

“Alright, go on, before I start bawling,” you joked, trying to keep your tears at bay.

Steve rubbed a hand across your hair and you huffed.

“See you around.”

You turned back to your bed, avoiding his eyes and listened to him walk towards your front door.

“ _Oh, hey, yeah she’s in there. I’ll see you later.”_

“ _Maco_?” Wanda’s light voice filtered through your open door.

You zipped your suitcase closed and popped your head out. “What’s up?”

“Tony asked me to come get you, he said the jet will be arriving soon.”

“Alright,” you nodded, taking one last look around at your bedroom. “I guess I’m ready.”

“I hope you have fun, and both of you don’t fight too much,” Wanda said, helping you with your bags.

“Us, fight? _Psh_ ,” you waved your hand dismissively. “When has that ever happened?”

Wanda laughed. “This morning, over waffles.”

“Waffles are better than pancakes! Everyone knows that!”

She shook her head and linked her arm around yours. “I’ll see you when you get back?”

“Of course,” you smiled. “I’m excited you decided to join me in London afterwards!”

“I’m so excited as well!” Wanda grinned. “Thank you for inviting me, Pietro always wanted to see the palace.”

You smiled softly and squeezed her arm. “Then we’ll be sure to take many pictures.”

She smiled back at you and asked Friday to take you to the landing pad.

“I forgot to ask,” Wanda frowned. “Where’s Bucky?”

You sighed. “When I woke up he had left me a note saying he had to take care of something.”

“He did not say goodbye?”

“I thought he’d be back by now,” you shrugged. “I’m sure it’s important if he does miss it.”

A blast of wind caught you both as the doors opened, the jet’s engines blowing warm air at you.

“’Bout time!” Tony shouted, shades on already. “We gotta hit the road!”

You laughed and waved, indicating that you’d heard him.

“I’ll see you soon,” you hugged Wanda and she kissed your cheek.

“Have fun!”

Natasha dropped out of nowhere, scaring the life out of you, and you huffed. “That’s getting old.”

She laughed and hugged you tightly. “I won’t be staying on location the whole time, I’m one of the few going in and out. I think I’ll be able to catch you three in London.”

“Oh,” you teased. “Excited to see your boyfriend?”

Natasha rolled her eyes and flicked your nose. “Excited to spend time with all of you. Keep up with your training out there, I don’t want you getting soft on me.”

“Yes ma’am,” you saluted.

She laughed and waved you off.

You went through your goodbyes to everyone else while Tony hauled the last of your luggage up the ramp.

“Did you pack your entire wardrobe?” He huffed, dragging your carry on behind him.

Before you could answer, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist and you smiled.

“I thought you weren’t going to make it,” you said happily, turning to face him. “Where’ve you been?”

Bucky shook his head. “I had to do something important, mission related, before I left for upstate tonight. I’m sorry it took so long.” His eyes were wide and his hands reached out, nervously, for yours.

“It’s okay,” you placed a hand on his jaw, trying to put him at ease. “We had our time last night.”

You wiggled your brows, ignoring Tony’s disgusted groan, but succeeded in making Bucky smile.

Bucky pulled you into a warm hug, his chin resting on your shoulder. “I love you. I’ll reach out the second I can,” he said quietly.

“Please do,” you peppered kisses onto his face. “Please don’t be a martyr and throw your life down for something stupid.”

He snorted. “Look who’s talking.”

“Hey, I’m serious,” you cupped his face. “Don’t do anything stupid. Come back to me.”

Bucky smiled. “I always do.”

You kissed him quickly and hugged him. “I love you.”

Without looking back, you grabbed your backpack and ran up the ramp into the small jet.

Settling down into the co-pilot seat, you started going through your checklist. You listened to Tony say his goodbyes.

“You know, we could’ve paid someone to fly us out,” he said, strapping himself into the pilot’s seat.

You grinned. “Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?”

Tony laughed, his smile wide and eyes lighting up. You reached out to place a hand over his. He took your hand into his own and squeezed. While you did feel a bit guilty taking a few weeks off, you were excited to spend time with Tony – just the two of you.

It’d been a long time coming and you knew you’d both earned it. You glanced back at him and noticed a weird expression as he tapped your fingers.

“You okay?”

The smile quickly returned and he nodded. “I’m more than okay, Giggles. I’m finally going to lay down on a beach and not have to worry if the world is ending.”

 “Cheers to that,” you said. You pulled your seat belt on and clicked everything into place.

Tony radioed into the nearest tower and cleared you. “Ready?”

You smiled. “Let’s go.”


	2. Attempt No. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to include a trigger warning on this chapter - just in case anyone is sensitive to the topic.
> 
>  **TW** : vague and brief mentions of vomiting.

“Home sweet home,” Natasha called out from the pilot’s seat. “Thank you for flying Avengers Airlines, please remember to tip your skillfully gifted pilot.”

You laughed, then groaned, your stomach still sore from a kick you hadn’t been able to dodge.

“Remember to ice that,” Rhodey said pointedly.

“Sir, yes Sir,” you saluted weakly.

Rhodey rolled his eyes and patted your shoulder affectionately. “I’m going straight to bed, if Tony wants a mission report tell him I said it can wait.”

The ramp dropped and the cool air hit your sticky skin. You sighed, happy to have made it home before Christmas. You waved them all off, eager to get into comfortable clothes, and limped to your apartment.

You shred off all your clothes the second you walked through the threshold and left them in a pile by a corner. Slinking off towards the fridge you grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables and walked off towards your bed.

“ _Would you like any medical attention, Agent S?”_

You smiled up at Friday, Tony always said she favored you. She did, however, have the tendency to switch up what she addressed you as. Usually, when coming back from missions like this she called you Agent S – S for Stark.

When you’d begun training at the Avenger’s compound upstate, you’d been asked to pick a name. You hadn’t wanted to use your real last name, since you were trying your best to keep your occupation as Director of Starks Laboratories as separate from your Avenger life as possible.

Besides, Tony legally _was_ your guardian – it hadn’t been too much of a stretch.

“Thank you Friday, I’ll be okay.”

The coolness felt good on what you knew would be a large bruise tomorrow. You _should_ shower but, the temptation of your bed was too much for you to resist.

You blindly stumbled into your dark room and headed straight for your bed. The second you sat on the edge, you noticed it. Your bathroom light was on the dimmest setting. Acting on instinct, you grabbed the gun from under your night table and cocked it.

Soundlessly, you made your way to the doorframe. You pushed it lightly and tried to take in what little you could, when it was suddenly jerked open.

Bucky’s hands went up and quirked an eyebrow at you. “That’s one way to start the night.”

You slumped over, relieved and exhausted all at once.

“Jesus Christ, Buck!” You flicked the safety on and placed the handgun on your dresser. “You told me you weren’t coming back until New Years!”

Your voice came out much harsher than you had intended it to, but you couldn’t help it. The mission had been stressful and much more draining than you’d anticipated. A faint voice in your head noted that Friday would’ve definitely warned you to any unauthorized personnel in your apartment. You ignored it, your heart still beating out of your chest.

“We were done two weeks ago.”

“ _Two weeks?”_

“We landed an hour after your team had left.” Bucky smiled ruefully and placed a tentative hand onto your bare shoulder. “We’d just missed each other.”

His warm hand reminded you that you were practically naked and your shoulder slumped.

“I’m sorry.” You reached out for him. “We were ambushed and our intel was shit. I’m _so_ tired and my nerves are frayed. Coming off the adrenaline…”

Bucky tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You don’t need to explain, I know better than anyone how that feels.”

Straightening, you realized, Bucky was back for Christmas _._ _For your anniversary_. He was here, at your home, after almost six months of very limited communication. He’d been pulled out once and you’d flown out to see him in Belgium but, that was back in October.

You crowded him against the door, burying your nose into his neck and wrapping your arms around his shoulders like a koala.

“ _You’re back_ ,” you said quietly. “You _are_ back right?”

“We’re done, all that’s left is the paperwork.”

“Your favorite part,” you teased.

Bucky ran a hand through your hair and you leaned into him. You couldn’t help but turn to him, eyeing him greedily. You wanted to know everything that’d happened – every detail of the cat one that you hadn’t been allowed to know.

Reality, however, crashed into you when his hands moved down to your hips. His right hand hit your stomach just right and you felt the _zing_ of pain down to your spine.

You jumped away, your blooming bruise pulsing.

“Ouch,” you groaned.

“What-”

“I just got knocked around a little,” you said, assuring him. “I’m fine, no concussion. The worst I’ll have is a very bruised stomach.”

Bucky flicked on the overhead lights and took you in, giving your stomach a good examination.

“You sure-”

“I’m _fine_ ,” you said, pulling him to the bed. “Come on, I hit exhausted three days ago. Please, let’s go to sleep.”

“Of course,” his eyes softened. “Do you want some ice?”

You shook your head and laughed lightly. “I’ll be fine now that I have you.” You fluffed up your pillow a bit.

Bucky came up behind you, curved around you protectively, and kissed your neck. You took his left hand and cautiously placed it onto your stomach. The metal provided some relief and you heard him huff.

“Have I mentioned how happy I am that you’re home?” You said sleepily, your eyes already shutting.

“No, but it wouldn’t hurt to hear,” he whispered into your ear.

You laughed lightly, his breath tickling you.

“I am so happy you’re home,” you said quietly, already half-asleep. “Let’s never be away from each other for that long again. My tolerance for it has gone down, we’re too old.”

Bucky pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You could feel his smile against your skin and you nudged him.

“Alright?”

“ _Okay_.”

* * *

You woke up the next morning with a thundering headache and an even more painful stomach. You looked around and everything was in its place – so much so that you wondered for a brief moment if you’d dreamed that Bucky had come home.

“Good morning.”

You snapped your head up and groaned when the migraine pulsed at the sudden movement.

Bucky stifled a smile and you tried to squint at him menacingly.

“That’s not as intimidating as you think it is,” he leaned at the edge of the bed and pushed your hair off your forehead. “Take a shower and I’ll get breakfast ready. I left the Advil by your sink – it should help with your stiffness.”

“Thank you,” you said gratefully.

You made your way to the bathroom slowly. You deftly avoided your reflection in the mirror, knowing that you looked like a mess. You took your Advil quickly and splashed some cold water onto your face. You pulled on the most comfortable shirt you could find and didn’t bother with any bottoms.

“That smells amazing,” you said, sniffing as you entered the kitchen.

“You’re easily impressed,” Bucky smiled, flipping the omelette. You wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your cheek on his cool shoulder.

“Hey,” you perked up.

“What?” Bucky glanced over his shoulder at you.

“We’ll actually be together on our anniversary this year,” you smiled faintly. “Four years?”

Bucky kissed the top of your head and nodded. “We were together all of the other times.”

You rolled your eyes. “We were on assignment the last three and on the first one we were rescuing a country.”

“But we were together.”

You shook your head and plopped down onto your kitchen table. “Yes, alright, _boyfriend_.”

Bucky scrunched his nose and huffed, ignoring your quip. “How do you feel about doing something?”

“When?” You said around a mouthful of eggs. “On Christmas?”

He sat down in front of you, his plate filled and shook his head.

“Not necessarily,” he said slowly, his expression thoughtful.

You’d learned early on into your friendship with Bucky that it was always best to let him work through his own thoughts. It took him a while sometimes, when he was searching for the right words. You’d never minded.

“I have something planned,” Bucky said finally, his eyes avoiding your curious ones. “It’ll have to be on the 27th since Tony has a whole – Christmas agenda planned for us.”

“ _Ah_ , yes, I’ve heard about it. He’s working himself up about that – Pepper seems strangely excited about it too,” you dropped your fork and it clattered on the table. “Do you think she’s pregnant?”

Your mind started running a mile a minute, your excitement growing. Bucky’s hand on yours pulled you back to earth and he shook his head.

“Considering that at last week’s welcome back party she got the drunkest I’ve seen her – the drunkest I’ve seen _anyone_ – I don’t think so.”

You slumped. “Well, then he’s being regular Tony. The twenty-seventh?”

He nodded.

“Everything will be open again by then,” you said, biting into a piece of toast. “I think Fatima’s is still under renovation.”

“I know, I asked her but she’s in Venice now,” Bucky said. “I know you’ve been wanting to go to Per Se-”

“ _Per Se?_ ” You choked on your coffee and hit your chest a few times. “You got reservations? The last time Tony called they told him the best they could do was in three months and you got reservations at _Christmas_?”

Bucky shot you a small pleased smile and you grinned.

“Tony did manage to us tickets to a show he said you’ve been wanting to see, earlier that day. I have a few things in mind afterwards…”

You couldn’t help yourself, you were staring at him a bit incredulously.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” you leaned back in your chair. If Bucky had gone out of his way to threaten a reservation out of Per Se, he must have been planning this for a while. “You’re actually planning something?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve planned a date for us before.”

“I know,” you said placatingly. “I didn’t mean it like that – it’s just – I’m a little shocked.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t look at me like that, I know you can do the big romantic gesture. I’m just saying, we both agreed early on that we didn’t need to go all out on our anniversaries between the big ones.”

“I thought this year could be different,” he said quietly, taking a moment again.

You took his empty plate and placed it the sink. You grabbed some fruit and padded back to the kitchen table. “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Bucky grabbed your wrist, pulling you onto his lap and you shifted your weight so you wouldn’t crush him.

“Smooth,” you snorted, peeling a tangerine.

He smiled and buried his nose into your hair. “It’s been a tough year, I thought – it would be a good break in the pattern.”

You wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed him.

“It’s a great idea,” you assured him. “I’m sorry if I made it sound like it wasn’t.”

“It’s fine.” He tilted his head, silently asking for another kiss and you smiled.

“I haven’t gotten my Secret Santa anything or half of everyone in this tower.” You stood up and walked to your room. “I’m going to shower and go out, care to join me?”

Bucky gave you a half-smile. “The shower or going out?”

“Both,” you said, disappearing into the bathroom. “Hurry up will you?”

You laughed as you heard his quick footsteps.

* * *

“This would be perfect for Lila,” you exclaimed.

You picked up the newest gadget that’d been advertised everywhere in the store.

“If Cooper sees that Lila has one…” Natasha said.

You frowned. “You’re right. I need two more; hurry, grab them before someone else comes along.”

Natasha laughed and placed two more into your cart.

“I know the answer is always the same every year but,” you gave Natasha your best puppy eyes. “Is there anything you’ve asked Santa for this Christmas?”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Am I your secret Santa?”

“No,” you sighed.

“Then no, you don’t need to get me anything.”

“Are you getting me something?” You countered, already knowing through Steve that she’d bought you something in Prague.

“No,” she said, face not giving anything away.

“ _Liar_ ,” you whispered. “You’re a bad friend.”

“Alright, alright,” she laughed. “I wouldn’t say no to a new scarf.”

“Noted!”

“What’re you getting Bucky?” She asked.

You looked around, spotting him a few aisles down with Wanda and Sam.

“I don’t know,” you huffed. “It’s rough when it’s Christmas, your anniversary, _and_ he’s your Secret Santa.”

Natasha winced. “That _is_ a little rough.”

“So you’ll help?” You asked hopefully.

She laughed loudly, making a few other shoppers turn to look at her and she nodded.

“Yeah, come on, let’s go to the men’s section. We need to instill some color into his wardrobe.”

“Blues,” you said thoughtfully, letting Natasha commandeer the shopping cart. “Maybe he’ll like a cookbook, he’s been getting really into cooking recently. I’m still a little upset you’re going to miss our dinner.”

“About that,” Natasha said, picking up a few sweaters, “I’m not needed upstate until the 28th.”

“I thought you were leaving Christmas evening.”

She shrugged. “Everyone needs breaks. It’s a holiday.”

You eyed her suspiciously. “Since when do _you_ like Christmas?”

“You finally convinced me that it’s not so horrible,” she said.

You snorted. “Yeah, and I’m Santa Claus.”

“It could be true!”

“You know that I don’t ask questions,” you said pointedly. “Besides, I don’t care _why_. As far as I know, more time with you is always a good thing.”

She smiled softly and you elbowed her.

“Besides, Bruce said he’s flying in tonight.”

“Don’t start.” Natasha rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s go find them.”

You both tried to cover most of the gifts in your cart with random purchases, burying them to the bottom.

“You guys okay?”

Sam and Wanda, were standing side by side. Both looking cluelessly at the toy’s aisle.

“There’s barely anything left,” Wanda huffed. “We should’ve come earlier.”

You laughed. “I had an excuse, I wasn’t anywhere near North America and I _still_ managed to get most of my Christmas shopping done.”

Sam frowned. “Okay, time for the big guns. We need to go towards electronics. Kids love technology, right?”

“We can see what Stark has!” Wanda said, face brightening.

Natasha huffed a laugh and you tried to smother your smile.

“Hey,” you said, looking around. “Where’d Bucky go?”

“Oh,” Sam straightened. “He started looking clammy, he said he was going to the bathroom.”

You furrowed your brows. “I’m going to go look for him, Nat-”

“I got that cart, text me if anything.”

You nodded and walked over to the bathrooms. Just as you rounded the corner, you found Bucky sitting on one of the stray stools off to the side.

“Hey you,” you said quietly.

His shoulders were up around his ears and his left hand was clenched. His elbows were on his knees, he was leaned over, body tense.

At your voice, however, he looked up and the harsh lines smoothed out.

“You okay?” You asked, running a hand down his back. “You should’ve called for me if you were having a panic attack. I should’ve known it would be too crowded this close to Christmas. Let’s go-”

“No,” Bucky caught your hand and kept you from moving. “It’s not the crowds, I’m fine.”

“This doesn’t look fine,” you said softly. “If it’s not the crowds, is it the noise?”

He shook his head but you saw the uncertainty in his eyes.

You crouched down onto your knees and looked up at him. “ _James_.”

His eyes found yours and you cupped his face. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked. “You know I’m always here to listen.”

“I know,” he said lowly, his voice gruff. “I’ve always known that.”

“Then why’re you so stressed out – and don’t tell me you’re not. You’ve been off the past few days and I didn’t want to push. What’s going on? Since when do we keep secrets from each other?”

Bucky’s face twisted into something similar to guilt but before you could decipher it, it was gone. In place, was a smile. It was small, but true.

“I’m okay, _iubire_. I promise,” he brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “I’ll be fine soon.”

“Okay,” you said. “Is there anything I can do to make you fine _now_?”

He shook his head and smiled wryly. “It’s something I have to do on my own.”

You rose from your crouch and kissed him soundly.

“I love you,” you said.

Bucky’s smile grew and he pulled you back down for another kiss.

“I love you too.”

“We’re in public, Jesus Christ are these two ever _not_ attached at the face?” Sam’s voice came from behind you. “The line goes out the freakin’ door and I’m not suffering alone. Come on, _move it_!”

You laughed and pulled Bucky up.

“Let’s go before he bursts a vein.”

* * *

“That was amazing,” you squeaked, voice high and your eyes tearing up as the cold air hit you.

Bucky laughed. “It _was_ good,” he said agreeably.

“Good?” You said, pulling him through the crowds of people leaving the theater. “It was _wonderful!_ No wonder Tony’s seen it twice. I need to buy the soundtrack once we’re back home. Oh hey, where do you want to eat? That tiny little pringles can didn’t do anything.”

“I’ll go for anything,” he said.

You tapped your chin and nodded. “Alright, anything by here will be too crowded. Especially on a Saturday.”

Bucky and you managed to make your way through the crowds seamlessly. You lead him towards Madison Avenue, your hand gripping his.

“There,” you pointed. “Tony and I loved going to that place for brunch. The sandwiches are to die for.”

“Let’s hope it’s not too packed,” Bucky said, tucking an arm around you. He pressed a kiss to your cheek and you smiled.

“Come on.”

Thankfully, the restaurant isn’t too crowded and you managed to snag a booth by the back window.

“That sweater does look really nice on you,” you said, for the tenth time that day. Natasha was right about the greens being a good addition to his wardrobe.

Bucky smiled, eyes still on the menu. “Thank you.”

Your hand went up to your neck and you fiddled with the necklace there. Tony had gotten you for Secret Santa and while he knew gaudy wasn’t your style – you knew _expensive_ was his. So, despite the dainty chain, you knew the pendant must’ve cost enough that you were nervous it’d fall off somehow.

“The sandwiches look good, do you want to share-”

“ _Oh my God!”_ Someone shrieked.

You twitched instinctually, your hand automatically going to the knife at the table but you stopped when a girl approached your table.

“ _OhmyGodareyouBuckyBarnes?”_ The teenager asked, her face red and hands clutching a napkin. “ _OhmyGodyoulooksodifferentinperson.”_

A middle-aged woman appeared moments after, her expression exasperated. “Kayla, you _cannot_ just disturb these people like this.” She sighed and turned to you. “I am so sorry, she’s a big fan of the Avengers but her behavior is _inexcusable_.”

The girl, _Kayla_ , wilted. She caught your eye and you smiled at her warmly.

“Don’t worry about it, I think he’s pretty handsome too,” you winked.

 Kayla turned bright red and the woman laughed.

Bucky, looking a little flushed himself, reached out for her napkin. “Do you want me to sign it?”

She nodded fiercely. “We’ve been to your exhibition in D.C. – what you did, what you’ve overcome – I think you’re so _inspiring_. My brother likes Mr. Wilson and we were rooting for you last year during the-” She set off, rambling, and Bucky nodded as she steamrolled him.

You smiled, his awkwardness still there but he’d gotten much better at interacting with people who came up to him. Before you could manage to take a picture for yourself, the woman spoke again.

“I really am sorry about this,” she said, her expression worried. “I can’t imagine how many times you’re stopped. It must be exhausting.”

“It can be,” you said truthfully, “but the whole team loves it when they get positive feedback. They all love interacting with people who support them.”

“Oh, I’m glad. She was just so excited when she spotted you two.”

“Me?” You said, surprised.

She nodded. “Oh yes, she follows both of you on social media. She thinks you’re the ‘it’ couple. It’s all I’ve heard about the past few years.”

“Mom!” Kayla hissed, face turning even redder.

You can’t help but giggle at her exasperated expression.

“Well, it’s true,” she said, rolling her eyes at her daughter.

You smiled, feeling a little flushed.

“After all the talking she does about you two, I feel like I know you already,” she joked. “After Mr. and Mrs. Stark’s wedding, I think my daughter might faint whenever you two announce your engagement.”  

Laughing, you turned to look at Bucky.

The mother kept talking but you were only half listening. Your eyes were on Bucky – who now looked like someone had sucker punched him in the throat. His shoulders were tense and eyes panicked.

You couldn’t help but be a little offended. You weren’t ever the most traditional person but, you didn’t think the idea of marrying you would be that repulsive.

“I don’t think that’ll be anytime soon,” you said with a forced smile. “Marriage isn’t really for everyone.”

“Of course, her father and I never married. We’ve been together fifteen years, it’s just a piece of paper if you ask me-”

You glanced at Bucky and saw that his expression had gone carefully blank.

The crumpled napkin landing in front of you brought you out of your mind.

“W-would you sign it too?” Kayla asked timidly.

Pushing your thoughts away, you smiled widely at her. “Absolutely. Do you want a picture?”

\----

You tried your best to ignore the slight tension that had settled between you two since lunch. Kayla and her mother had taken a few pictures and left shortly after. Bucky had retreated back into his mind and you hadn’t made any moves to bring him out of it.

You’d agreed to go back to the tower to change for dinner and kept to yourselves between those hours.

While you weren’t exactly angry at each other, you were both a little guarded. You hated that your default setting was to brace for the worst but, you were trying to be as relaxed as you could.

Dressed in the red jumpsuit you knew Bucky liked, you tried to think of a way to diffuse – _whatever this was_ – before you got to the restaurant. It wasn’t a long ride and John, your driver for the evening, had put on music to fill the car.

_This is so stupid._

You reached over and intertwined your fingers with his. Physical contact was always the best way to ease Bucky out of his mind. Out of your peripheral, you saw his eyes soften.

“You okay?” You asked eventually.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I don’t know why – earlier today – they threw me off,” he said, sighing heavily.

“Off what?” You asked.

Bucky shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You were doing better with those, none of us will ever be Tony or Steve but…I thought we were all improving at them. Do you want me to run interference from now on?”

“No,” he sighed again and you narrowed your eyes.

Something was going on, something was bothering him, and he didn’t want to tell you. You knew, because of the nature of your jobs, that this was something that happened often. Usually you knew not to push since you hated when others did so, but this was starting to nag at you.

“Bucky-”

“Can we rewind all of this and start over?”

You frowned.

Maybe today, of all days, wasn’t the best to force the issue. His expression was hopeful, his eyes lightening up in a way that you couldn’t dampen now.

“Sure,” you said tentatively, “but we’re tabling this discussion for another time.”

“Not today, not tomorrow but-”

“Some day soon,” you finished and gave him a small smile. “Alright, you win this round.”

Bucky leaned over and gave you a quick kiss, his other hand resting on your neck. His thumb rubbed circles into your skin and you kissed his nose.

“Thank you for being patient with me,” he said quietly.

You smiled and squeezed his hand. “Always.”

“We’ve arrived,” John said quietly. “Please give me a call when you’re ready to leave.”

“Thank you so much John, we’ll call a car home when we’re ready. You don’t need to wait around.”

John smiled, thanking you, before opening the doors.

Bucky helped you out the car and you looked up at the busy restaurant. You couldn’t help the excitement that built in your chest.

“I heard the desserts are to _die_ for,” you whispered.

Bucky smiled and kept close to you. “I don’t think they’ll let you start there.”

You scoffed. “For what they charge, they’ll let me start wherever I want.”

At that, Bucky laughed, making the greeter shoot you both a cool look and you elbowed him.

“Clearly we’re already out of depth.”

You were quickly ushered into the main dining area, the low warm lights, the deep red lights, and the large windows, setting a great mood. Jazz from a band floated in through the open French doors and you smiled at Bucky’s clear enjoyment of it.

“At least the music’s good,” you said, looking over the menu.

“Company’s okay,” he joked.

You kicked him lightly under the table and he caught your leg between his. Sticking out your tongue, he smiled and focused on the entrees.

“Let’s get different things, that way we can share,” you said, pointing to the dish that had caught your eye.

Bucky nodded, pointing his choice and your stomach grumbled.

“I’m so hungry and excited, the reviews have been great,” you smiled, practically vibrating in your seat. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

Bucky took your hand in his over the table and smiled warmly at you. “It’s not every day you celebrate four years with your girl.”

You smiled at him. “Your girl huh? Like a _girlfriend_?”

He rolled his eyes and you smothered a laugh with your hand.

\----

“You did say you wanted to _share_ your food,” Bucky said pointedly.

You shot him a sheepish smile and he shook his head.

“I didn’t eat my lunch and when I got home, I was too busy to eat! I was _hungry_ ,” you said defensively. “Besides, these types of restaurants always give the tiniest portions. I just saw the food and went for it.”

“I know,” he said.

You kicked him again.

He laughed and squeezed your hand. “Did you want to order anything else?”

“Dessert?” You said hopefully.

“Of course.”

The waiter made her way over and took down your order before disappearing swiftly.

“Excuse me.”

You looked up to see another waiter, eyeing you both nervously.

“Yes?” Bucky asked.

“I don’t mean to bother you,” he said shyly. “I couldn’t help but notice – we get many celebrities for dinner and I have never gone up to anyone, truly, I apologize. I could not let the whole night go by without thank you.”

You smiled. “It’s not a bother, do you want him to sign something?”

“ _Non, non,”_ his French accent got thicker and his face redder. “I just wanted to say – you and Captain Rogers, you two saved my life in _Marseille_ last year.”

You faintly remembered a mission in France where a HYDRA agent had planted nuclear bombs into the main city square. The team had managed to evacuate most of the civilians out of the area in time. Steve and Bucky had gone for a shopping center.

The waiter continued to stumble through a short, but earnest, thank you and you couldn’t help but be touched.

“The Avengers are why I moved to New York City. You all gave me the bravery,” he smiled. “Again, _merci_ , _merci_.”

“That was sweet,” you said to Bucky.

He nodded, pensive, but you knew he loved encountering people he’d come across on during missions.

Oddly, you started to feel a little warm. It felt like someone had suddenly lit a warm fire in the room. You’d been a little cold all evening due to your outfit but, you shrugged out of your shawl and draped it on your lap.

Squinting, you looked up at the lights – had they been turned on a bit brighter? They hurt your eyes and you tried to avoid looking right at them.

Usually restaurants tended to dim them down as the night went on. Maybe someone had complained?

You tried to focus on Bucky, who you just realized had been speaking to you.

“I’m sorry, the lights were bothering me, what were you saying?”

Bucky looked up at the lights, his expression confused and turned back to you.

“I was saying that I’m glad we did this, that we took this time out to celebrate us.”

You smiled at him despite your discomfort. “Me too. Especially considering how our last real dinner was our first anniversary.”

“We were in Italy on the second one,” Bucky said thoughtfully.

“We had pizza at two in the morning and you had your knee dislocated after the assignment went to shit.”

“But it was Italy,” he said.

You shook your head and smiled. “Yeah, it was Italy.”

Bucky fiddled with his napkin and took a deep breathe.

“About earlier today,” he started, “I didn’t mean to pull away from you so shortly-”

Suddenly, your temperature skyrocketed and you felt like someone had ten heaters aimed at you. You eyed your wine and wondered if you’d drank too much. Your brain felt like it was filled with white noise.

“What do you think?” Bucky said. “I’m sorry it made things awkward.”

 _Shoot_ , you cursed. The abrupt headache was making it harder to pay attention.

“It’s okay, we all get weird sometimes.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed and you frowned. Wrong answer?

Before either of you could say anything, your waiter reappeared and dropped your plate onto the table.

“ _Bon Appetit_.”

“Thank you,” Bucky smiled.

The sight of the chocolate had your stomach churning but you picked up the smallest of bites.

Sighing, Bucky tapped on his fork. “What I’m trying to say is that, I love you. I’ve always loved you and I know I don’t show it often but I do appreciate you. I know you said marriage isn’t for everyone and you’re right, it’s not – but, you and me – we work well together, don’t we?”

You smiled at him, despite your overheating situation, you appreciated his sweet words.

“We do and that woman was right. It is just a piece of paper, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to,” you smiled. “I love you too.”

Bucky smiled, his expression flashing a bit of anxiety. “I-I don’t – I know this hasn’t been the best day but I wanted to ask you something-” he took your hand in his and frowned. “ _Iubire_ , why are you so warm?”

You pulled your hand from his and brought it to your stomach, which had started to painfully turn. You couldn’t think about anything else, the people and the restaurant faded away.

“I don’t know – I think-”

Your stomach jolted and your chest hurt. You slapped a hand over your mouth and stood up so quickly the table jerked. Not looking back, you ran towards the bathroom and barely made it.

Your bad ankle twisted painfully but you couldn’t pay it any mind – you just slammed the door shut and hurled your dinner into the toilet.

\----

You didn’t know how long you were in the bathroom for, your brain having shut down at the pain, when a series of knocks jolted you from your stupor.

“Occupied!” You yelled weakly.

The knocking continued but another wave of nausea hit you and you were too busy to answer.

Suddenly, the door swung open and you couldn’t even manage the energy to glare at whoever had come in.

“ _Iubire_ ,” Bucky’s voice was low and soft. “What – are you okay?”

“Fucking French food,” you cursed. “I’ve eaten off a cart in an alleyway in Argentina on a mission before and this is what finally gets me? Jesus, no wonder Tony’s always scared to get it again.”

“What? What is it?” Bucky placed a cool hand on your forehead and you sagged against him.

“Food poisoning, I think,” you tried to push him away as the next wave started up but he helped you sit up and pulled your hair away from your face.

“Still think I’m loveable?” You joked.

“Of course,” he said, without hesitation. “You’re always beautiful to me.”

“God you’re annoyingly wonderful,” you groaned.

He grinned, his handsome little grin, and you smiled half-heartedly. “Home?”

Bucky nodded. “Let me go settle things here and I’ll call a car. Will you be okay for a few minutes?”

You nodded and winced at the pain in your stomach. “Try to find a bag will you? I have a feeling I won’t make it the whole drive home.”

\----

“I’m never eating outside ever again,” you swore, clutching the bucket that he’d managed to find you on the way home. “Write it down, I’m making it a law. I’ve been _betrayed_.”

Bucky huffed a laugh and placed a fresh pack of ice onto your newly sprained ankle. It’d quickly swelled up enough that Bucky had to break your heel to take it off without hurting you.

Bruce had come in a few minutes after your latest upheaval and taken a look at your ankle. “It’s just a sprain,” he said, adjusting his glasses. “There was no damage to the tendons – this ankle will always be weaker than the other since the accident.”

“That’s what I told him,” you said, eyes closed. “Can we turn off the lights now?”

Bucky dimmed the lights as low at they could go and nodded. “Thanks Banner.”

“No problem,” Bruce stood up and smiled down at you. “The food poisoning should be over with soon. You need to hydrate if you want to avoid me hooking an IV into you. I don’t want you to dehydrate.”

You nodded and instantly regretted it. “Yeah, yeah.” You threw your arm over your eyes and groaned.

“I’ll check up on her tomorrow morning. If she gets a fever, tell Friday to wake me.”

“Thank you.”

Bruce’s footsteps faded as he walked to the elevator and you felt the bed dip beside you.

“Would you do me a favor?” You asked.

“Anything.”

You smiled at his instant reply. “Go look in my closet, at the bottom of my sock drawer.”

“What-”

“Just go look,” you said.

The bed shifted slightly as he walked into your closet and you sat up, your grip on your bucket still tight.

“What’s this?” He asked, waving a small wrapped box around.

You smiled lightly. “Open it.”

Bucky frowned. “I thought we said no expensive gifts.”

“Technically, I didn’t buy this,” you said. “Just open it. I’ve been waiting for you to open it for a few days now.”

“And _now_ is the right time?”

“ _Yes_ ,” you sighed. “I could be on death’s door at this point – it certainly feels like it – so spare me the argument and just _open_ it.”

“Don’t joke about that-”

“Yes, yes, it’s bad luck to talk about death. Sorry – _open it_!”

Bucky huffed and shot you a serious look before sitting down at the edge of the bed. He was a slow and careful gift opener. You always thought it was endearing but now you wanted to kick him.

“I thought you said you didn’t buy it?” He asked, his eyes wide. “It looks just like something my father had back in the day. Where’d you get it?”

You smiled and leaned over to open your small jewelry box on your night stand. You pulled out the smaller, but matching, watch.

“They were my grandparents’ watches,” you rubbed your thumb over the face. “They died before my mom had me. You know I never really looked through the storage Tony has of my mom’s stuff…it’s too…”

“I know,” he said, coming to sit by you.

You exhaled wetly, your eyes starting to water. “My mom used to tell me stories of them, you know? How _in love_ they were. They had a rough start because of who she was.”

Bucky frowned. “Weren’t they both the same-”

“-didn’t matter,” you said. “My grandmother came from an upper middle-class family and my grandfather was significantly lower – but, that didn’t stop them. She would sneak off to see him in secret. Her sisters helped cover for her until they finally eloped.

“My grandfather couldn’t afford to get them rings but, for their fifth anniversary he wanted to get her something special. He saved up for _years_ to get these watches – they were really poor but my grandmother came from a family of watchmakers, so she appreciated the _finer_ things.”

You smiled, remembering your mom’s smile when she talked about them. You took his out of the small black box and placed it next to yours.

“My grandmother had seen these in a fancy store in the city and passed by every evening to look at them. My grandfather had convinced the shop’s owner to keep them in the back. He paid it off little by little until about two years had passed. The owner felt so astounded at his perseverance that he let him have it – despite not having paid the entire sum.”

You turned over and engraved on the back of each was one word.

_Amorcito Corazon_

“It was their favorite love song,” you smiled faintly. “I must’ve listened to it a million times. My mom would blast it in our little apartment on Saturday mornings. She never gave it to my father – she said only a couple truly in love should wear it. I found them right before I went on the latest assignment. I thought, maybe, we could continue on the tradition?”

You handed him the gold watch delicately.

“It’s expensive, since it’s vintage but, not worth as much as some of Tony’s,” you said, feeling a little apprehensive. “If you don’t like it I can get you a new-”

Bucky’s lips crashed into yours and you cupped his cheek lightly.

“So you hate it?” You joked.

“It’s _perfect_ ,” Bucky said, looking down at his hands. “It’s the best thing anyone’s ever given me.”

You flushed, pleased, and placed yours back into your jewelry box.

“They would’ve loved you,” you said quietly.

“Hm?” Bucky’s eyes were still on the watch, his smile almost subconscious.

“My mom, my aunts, they would’ve loved you,” you smiled. “My mom loved to draw too. It was hereditary – she got it from her mother. Unfortunately, it seemed to have stopped with me.”

He laughed and you nudged him with your knee.

“Well, maybe if we have kids one day, they’ll get it from you,” you joked.

Bucky’s laughter choked off into something resembling a dying animal and he whirled to look at you.

This time, you laughed. You held up your hands and shook your head. “I’m _joking_!”

Before he could respond, the sound of the front door opening caught both of your attentions.

“ _Hello_?” Natasha called out.

“In here!” You answered.

Natasha walked in, Steve close behind, and took in your elevated leg. “Bruce said something happened to your ankle and something about food poisoning. What happened? Are you okay?”

Steve frowned at your swollen ankle and looked to Bucky - who was still gaping at you. You noticed when he looked down and saw the discarded watch box.

Sighing loudly, he grinned. “ _Finally_ , what-”

“Look,” Bucky said suddenly, and quite loudly. He elbowed Steve in the side and hesitantly handed him the watch.

“Are those the ones you took out of storage?” Natasha shouted excitedly. “They’re beautiful _zaika_.”

“My mom had one just like that!” Steve exclaimed. “Although this looks fancy.”

You winced and leaned back down onto your mountain of pillows. “No one talk louder than a whisper, _please_. I’m still half-dead.”

Natasha looked down at the empty box on the bed and frowned. “I thought-”

“She got food poisoning and twisted her ankle running to the bathroom,” Bucky interjected quickly, “mid-dinner.”

“ _After_ dinner,” you scoffed. “I wish, maybe there’d be less things to come up.”

Steve scrunched his face and you huffed.

“Everyone pukes Rogers, get over it.”

Natasha laughed, picked up the box, and shook her head. “Damn Barnes.”

“Tell me about it,” he mumbled.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” You said defensively.

Bucky’s eyes darted to you and he shook his head. “I know _iubire_ , I know. That’s not what I meant.”

Your stomach grumbled ominously and you scrambled to the bathroom. When you emerge a few minutes later, you found only Bucky waiting for you on the bed.

“You okay?” He asked, concerned.

“I’m fine, it’s not as bad as earlier,” you groaned as you lied back down.

“Bruce said to keep weight off that ankle for a few days,” he said, pointing downward. “Natasha said to call her if you need anything.”

“I know, I know. Where are they? They didn’t have to leave,” you said quietly, trying not to jolt your head too much. “I don’t mind if you want to go do something with them. I’ll be okay – I’m a tough cookie – I just need a nap or two.”

Bucky smiled. “I know, but I want to be here.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I’m sorry this whole day didn’t go as planned.”

“That’s an understatement,” he muttered. “Let’s go to bed, it’s late.”

You frowned but, he got up and took your warm ice pack from your nightstand. You pulled the covers up, burrowing as comfortably as you could and placed your bucket nearby.

Bucky walked back in and started changing into his pajamas.

“Oh, wait, you said you had to ask me something,” you said, remembering the conversation you were having before the Kraken unleashed itself at the restaurant. “What was it?”

Bucky smiled down at you, placing the fresh ice pack onto your head. “Later.”

You nodded, completely drained and too tired to push it. The coolness helped your headache subside, even if just a little.

Bucky came up behind you, placing his arm around you and tracing patterns into your skin.

“Happy anniversary, _iubire,_ ” he said quietly.

“Happy anniversary James.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this took a bit to write up and I’m not sure I’m entirely satisfied with it. I don’t really write chronologically and my brain was pulling me in the direction of Chapter 4 instead of this one. I hope it’s alright. 
> 
> It should be the only one in this installment that really delves that deeply into the past of the reader – as previously mentioned, per my other parts in this series, the reader being poc is canon. This should be one of the only times it’s overly on the surface about it. 
> 
> However, that’s actually a true story – my grandparents had matching watches. They were the cutest couple you’d ever seen. 
> 
> Any feedback is welcome! Comments would be nice~ Next updates should be spaced apart quite evenly. Let me know if you find any obvious mistakes – as always, you guys know where to find me!


	3. Attempt No. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full warning, this chapter is wordy as heck and I can't even be mad at myself.
> 
> I'm quite aware of some of the plot holes I'm creating - let's just squint and glaze over them, shall we?

“ _Wanda, where are you? I lost sight of you,”_ Steve asked, his voice muffled by static of your comms.

“ _I’m around the corner, Sam needed help,”_ she answered.

“ _If anyone else wants to join, we’d greatly appreciate it_ ,” Sam huffed, his wings a blur in your peripheral.

“I thought our intel came from upstate, why is there so many of them?” You growled out, delivering a roundhouse kick to another HYDRA agent. “I’m kicking someone’s ass when we get back.”

“ _Beta in position_ ,” Natasha cleared.

 _“Omega A coming up towards the north side,”_ Agent Choi said, “ _Waiting on you Commander_.”

“Thirty seconds,” you responded.

It was odd - being in charge of your own mission – being a Commander to someone; but you found that you liked it. You’d been eager to try out Tony’s new system as soon as it’d gone into effect.

It consisted of a hierarchy during important missions. Now that most of the Avengers did not reside in the upstate compound, or in Stark Tower, a new system was put in place.

There was a Commander, the leader of the mission, and what Tony had taken to calling the Betas; two back-up level nine clearance agents that could step in if the Commander was out of commission.

Lastly, a few agents from the compound for ground support – the Omegas.

Thankfully – Tony outgrew the habit of calling every Commander by ‘ _The Almighty Alpha_.’

While some of the team members didn’t _love_ having outsiders on your missions, you and Tony had agreed that this was a good way of letting everyone on the team have time off. Besides, the new agents needed to gain experience.

You weren’t all going to be around forever – you all needed breathers, time to live your lives outside of the Avengers and this new system was the best way to achieve that. You all had to learn from people who knew better and you wanted to help the new wave of agents that had all pledged to help keep the world safe.

You’d been asked to lead this particular mission, Steve and Natasha had quickly jumped to be your Betas. Once the rest of the team learned that you three were going after a specific branch of HYDRA, the group that had kidnapped you a few years ago, they also signed up.

Bucky and Wanda were _particularly_ eager to get their hands on anything related to HYDRA.

“ _We’re almost at the door,”_ one the field agents called.

“ _Omega B team in position_ … _permission to move forward_ _Commander_ ,” he added belatedly.

You smiled. The handful of agents that had been assigned to this specific mission had glowing recommendations from Rhodey, and it showed.

“Good work,” you said, knocking out your last target. “Knock them out.”

You looked over at Natasha and she was already plugging in a USB into their mainframe.

“I just need two minutes,” she said. “I’m taking whatever they have and setting a virus in afterwards.”

“Check in,” you said. “Omega A?”

“ _Almost done,”_ they answered.

“Omega B?”

“ _Perimeter secured.”_

“Team?”

“ _We’re holding on_ ,” Wanda said, her voice strained.

Sam snorted. “ _They look like ants from this high up_.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“ _One to three are cleared.”_ Bucky’s pleased tone managed to bleed through the comms _. “Rogers, I’m coming to you.”_

When Steve didn’t answer, your chest tightened.

“Beta?”

Bucky cursed and you heard his footsteps above you, quick and heavy.

“ _I’m here_ ,” Steve answered, sounding out of breath. “ _We have a problem.”_

“Wha-”

“ _There’s activity on the roof,”_ Omega B said suddenly, a few agents talking over each other.

“ _They’re getting away!”_ Bucky growled. “ _They’re taking something with them_.”

One of the field agents cursed. “ _They have some of the codes.”_

“Steve?” You asked, looking over at Natasha who just waved a hand.

“One more minute.”

“ _Upper management had an exit strategy,”_ he answered.

“The place is still crawling with agents,” you said, looking through the security cameras. “Natasha’s got the other half downloading now – what’s they’re plan?”

“ _They’re leaving them behind. They have a copy of the files and-”_

Suddenly, a loud robotic voice announced. “ _Self-destruction has been activated. Will commence in fifteen minutes.”_

You clenched your fists and swore. “There it is.”

Natasha huffed from the other side of the room. “Captains are leaving their crew behind to blow with the warehouse. What a cliché.”

“Do you have whatever they left behind?”

Your main objective had been to get the codes to a nuclear weapon HYDRA had been building and hiding in the warehouse. Your team had managed to damage what little they had built and Natasha was pulling everything they had from their control room.

“Yes,” she pulled the USB and stuck it into a pocket. “Let’s go.”

“Okay everyone, back to the rendezvous point – if you’re followed we’ll take care of it. I want every single agent cleared from this warehouse. Understood?”

There were a chorus of affirmations and you nodded.

“Ready?” Natasha asked, peeking out the door.

You grinned. “Always.”

The main floors were void of any agents – _living_ agents – and you knew Bucky had cleared them for when you were on your way out. You kept your eyes sharp for any movement. Natasha lead the way and you had your batons ready.

“ _Commander_ ,” a familiar voice called for you through the comms. “ _We have a situation_.”

Agent Hernandez, you quickly put a name to the voice. He was one of Rhodey’s favorites.

“What’s wrong?”

“ _We’re on our way out but, I’m getting signs of life from the underground chamber. We think they were housing prisoners.”_

“Are you sure?”

“ _Yes, Commander_ ,” another agent answered, “ _Agent Choi believes them to be experiments.”_

You stopped, frozen, and remembered Wanda’s stories of the experimentation done on her and Pietro.

One look at Natasha and you knew she had the same thought.

“Could be a trap,” she said.

“Could be,” you agreed. “How long until this blows?”

“Eleven minutes.”

You thought quickly, trying to formulate a new plan with what you remembered of the blueprints.

“The labs,” you said.

Natasha nodded. “They’d have a view of the cells and a control of the exits.”

“Hernandez, get the Omegas in the clear, we’ll take a look.”

“ _Roger_.”

Bucky’s rough voice protested. “ _Leave them, you have ten minutes to get far back enough to safety. We need what’s on that USB.”_

“We can make it,” you looked to Natasha for confirmation.

She nodded, expression determined.

“ _Leave it,”_ he insisted.

“Barnes, stand down and follow the plan,” you said harshly, flipping your comms onto mute for the moment. You looked to Natasha and she started running.

You followed, your legs were starting to feel like they were liquifying, but you forced yourself to ignore it and focused on your breathing. You arrived at the labs within a few minutes and you tried to ignore the stitch in your side.

“Are those – cages?” You exhaled harshly.

Natasha ran to the controls and the ten camera feeds popped onto the screen. Most of them were in varying stages of dress, their malnutrition was obvious.

You couldn’t help but think of Wanda, stuck on the Raft, scared. You choked on your words and it’s Natasha that managed to open up the ten occupied cells.

They all looked up towards where you and Natasha stood, most of them huddling together. Your chest tightened and you couldn’t help the swell of emotion that rose up within you.

“They’re just kids,” you said quietly.

Natasha squeezed your hand. “Eight minutes.”

You hastily grabbed the microphone nearby and instructed them to run towards the east exit. “ _Run_!”

You didn’t know if they’d want any help from you, if they would go willingly, but judging by the way they scurried to follow your directions – you guessed they did.

“Wanda, Sam,” you said, flipping your comms back on. “There’s a group of kids we found in the cells coming out towards you. Knock them out and put them onto the Omega’s jet. Team B you’ll join us on ours. Be careful, we don’t have any intel on them – I don’t know if they’ll attack.”

“ _Got it,”_ Sam answered. “ _We’re on our way_.”

“S, we got incoming,” Natasha said. She pointed to the screen, where a few HYDRA agents were running towards your position.

“ _Um, guys?”_ Wanda grunted. “ _A few of them are panicking, we need back up_.”

“ _We’re too far out,”_ Omega A and B answered. “ _Should we return?”_

 _“I can make it back in four minutes.”_ Hernandez said, Agent Choi echoing the sentiment.

“No,” you answered, looking at your wrist. You had six minutes and making them come back would put them all at risk. “Rogers?”

“ _I’m already on the way_ ,” Steve said. “ _We got half of them before they got on the helicopter. Bucky went after the few who were following Omega B. They’re all clear.”_

“Nat go help Steve with the kids, you’ll probably hit one on the way out. I’ll lead the last three away from you,” you instructed her.

She looked you straight on for a beat before asking once, “Are you sure?”

“ _That’s too risky,”_ Bucky interjected. “ _You won’t make it out in time_.”

Ignoring him, you snapped, “Yes, that’s an order, _go_!”

Not waiting, Natasha nodded and disappeared. You ran, in the opposite direction, reaching the outer field in less than a minute.

Before you could whirl around to strike out first, you caught a hard punch to your stomach. Not waiting, you dropped to the floor and kicked out their feet from under them.

“Give us the files!” One shouted at you.

You grinned and brought down your foot towards their knees.

A shout of pain came from your comms and Steve yelled.

“ _Sam! Wanda, forget the last two, I’ll get them_.”

“What happened?” You slammed your batons down onto one of their heads. You focused on keeping your speed up, moving quickly and randomly. You eyed the dirt road a few yards to your left. Your best bet was to wait out the explosion through there.

“ _Sam’s hit._ ”

“ _I’m fine,”_ Sam said, his fast breath echoing in your ear. “ _I can get myself far back enough, I can’t carry any of them anymore.”_

“ _I got it,”_ Natasha said. “ _We’re in the clear. Steve, you’re on the last two_.”

You managed to quickly dispatch one of them but knew that you wouldn’t be able to fight your way out. Despite your training, you could feel yourself start to panic. You tried to think, quickly, as your watch beeped the three minute warning.

You needed to draw them away, far enough that you’d be able to be cleared from most of the damage.

Grunting, as one of them caught you in the shoulder, you went down hard. All plans flew out your head.

“ _Commander_?”

“I’m not in the clear yet,” you flipped yourself up and knocked out the second one. “They keep dragging me back.”

“ _I haven’t left yet,”_ Sam said, his voice strained. “ _I can try to come to you_.”

“Get across the line,” you snapped.

“ _I’m on my way back to you_ ,” Bucky’s voice came into your ear, engine revving. “ _I’m the closest_.”

“No,” you said. “You’ll get caught in the expl-”

Your voice cut off as you felt something sharp hit right under your collarbone. You looked down and saw the hilt of a dagger sticking out of your chest. Blood spilled out and you wondered, faintly, if he’d hit your artery. Before you could react, the remaining agent grabbed your throat and slammed you into the fence.

With a rush of adrenaline, you managed to get a few kicks in, but it was useless – you were trapped.

Still trying to think of escape routes, your mind ran in a thousand different directions. Your gun was on your left hip but your arm was limp, uselessly dangling. Black spots clouded your vision and your mind slowly started to blank.

Suddenly, the masked head in front of you disappeared and you slammed into the floor. You greedily gulped in air, the harsh heaving made the pain in your shoulder double. If it’d hit an artery, you wouldn’t make it.  

“Sixty seconds,” a robotic voice came from within the warehouse.

A pair of arms lifted you up hastily and you caught a flash of Bucky’s angry expression before you descended into darkness.

\----

“That should hold until we get to the jet,” Natasha said, having confirmed that the dagger missed any crucial arteries and secured the dagger so that a medic could remove it safely.

“It doesn’t hurt so bad,” you said, using your good arm to grab a swig of water.

“I think the injection helped with that,” Natasha snorted.

You huffed.

“He’s going to lose his mind,” she continued, packing away the supplies. “Hernandez, let him know she’s awake.”

Apparently, Hernandez had been waiting with Natasha and Sam in an SUV a few yards out. Bucky had thrown you into the car and climbed onto his bike to clear the way ahead of you.

You’d lost consciousness for a few minutes and jerked awake once Natasha had plunged the pain meds into you. Your comms had finally fallen out sometime during the fight.

“I already have,” Hernandez cleared his throat. “We’re here, Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers are starting up the jet. Omega A is already in the air.”

“You good to move by yourself?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah,” you waved her off, your shoulder was completely numb, and grunted when you sat up. “Sam you good?”

“I’m fine,” he tried to hop out the car by himself and crumpled to the floor. “I may need some help.”

Natasha snorted and nodded. “I got him.”

You watched the six other black SUVs park and the flurry of agents marching up the waiting quinjet.

Before you could open your own door, it was ripped open. You startled, your shoulder jerking painfully.

“What were you thinking?” Bucky growled at you. “You could’ve _died_.”

You glanced at Hernandez, who caught your eyes and scrambled to get out the car.

“I’m fine,” you snapped, annoyed with his attitude in front of other agents. “We’ll discuss this later.”

“The hell we will,” he hissed as you pushed him aside. “You’re not fit to be a Commander if you don’t know how to lead.”

Startled by his harsh words, you froze. You looked over the front of SUV to see Natasha’s surprised expression. She pointed to her ear and mouthed: “ _Comms._ ”

“We will talk about this _later_ ,” you said harshly.

Undeterred, Bucky followed behind you. “I’m serious. What the fuck was that? Why did you make that call? You should’ve left them in there.”

“They were just kids!”

“At a _HYDRA_ base!” Bucky shouted back. “They aren’t worth it!”

You whirled around at him, your bad arm clutched to your chest. “You were kept at a HYDRA base,” you yelled, voice carrying. “So was Wanda. You, above everyone, should understand why I went back for them.”

The field went quiet.

“You made the wrong call,” Bucky insisted, not taking note of the sudden silence. “I shouldn’t have let you lead this one.”

“ _Let_ _me_?” You said quietly. “Let’s be clear here, you are not in charge of me in any way, shape, or form. I don’t know what the _fuck_ happened to you in the last few hours but I suggest you calm the hell down before we both do things we’ll regret later.”

You stomped away, quickly making your way up the ramp, and avoiding the curious eyes following you.

“We’re moving out in five minutes, with or without everyone on board. So I suggest you move it,” Hernandez snapped.

The remaining agents scrambled, continuing to board and secure the jet. You shot him a grateful look and he waved you off.

As you reached the main cabin, you could feel Bucky’s presence behind you. Ignoring him, you kept your arm close to your chest and stalked towards the bathroom. You needed one second to yourself before you punched something. You were practically foaming at the mouth; how _dare_ he speak to you like that in front of everyone?

“I need to take a look at that,” Nicole, a fairly new medic, said quietly as you passed. “The local anesthetic and pain meds are going to wear off in a few minutes. I need to remove the blade and clean it.”

You forced your tone to stay even and not angry. Afterall, it wasn’t her you were furious with. “I know, give me two seconds.”

“Where are you going?” Bucky’s voice behind you boomed.

The other medics, working on Sam, jumped. Even Wanda glanced at him. Bucky was serious and quiet, rarely loud and while you knew he could be – you found it unnerving as the rest of them.

You studiously ignored him and kept moving.

Bucky followed behind you closely, his steps echoing in the narrow hallway.

“We’re taking off in two minutes,” Wanda called out behind you.

You nodded, indicating that you’d heard her.

Kicking the door open, you tried to close it with your foot but Bucky managed to slide in before you could.

“ _Get_ _out_ ,” you snapped, finally losing your fragile temper.

“No, you don’t get to shut down after what you just pulled. Do you understand how dangerous that was-”

You were had officially hit your limit to what you could withstand.

“ _James_ ,” you said through your teeth, effectively quieting him.

He straightened, his posture defensive, and you gripped the sink as the quinjet smoothly took off.

“Who is the Commander on this mission?”

“That doesn’t matter-”

“ _Who_?” You hissed.

His blue eyes hardened but his gaze did not waiver. “You are.”

“Exactly. So if I decided that the best option is to cluck like chickens then that’s what we’re doing. That’s the point of this team – that we follow the leaders.”

“Not blindly into danger!” He shouted at you.

“Be quiet!” You finally screamed back. “ _Lower your voice_. It is one thing to disagree with my methods and but it is entirely different to yell and reprimand me like I am a child. Especially on a live comms in front of everyone. I am not your subordinate! I made a well-informed decision that ended up with our mission being successful. You do _not_ get to question my orders.”

“Well informed?” Bucky’s hands shook, and he got a glazed look in his eyes that you recognized as his anxiety settling in. “You were _stabbed_. That agent had you pinned to the wall, knife in your shoulder, for what? A handful of fucking experiments?”

“They’re human beings being kept in cells!” You said, shocked at his dismissal. “The same way you were! Wouldn’t you have wanted someone to come in and save you?”

“It’s not the same and you know it!” Bucky slammed his hands onto the counter. You watched his chest rise and fall quickly, his eyes were dark and angry. His free hand shook, just a little, and you could taste his anxiety rolling off him in waves.

“You were _unconscious_ and if it wasn’t for me, he would’ve killed you. We don’t compromise our own during recon missions.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I didn’t put anyone else’s life in jeopardy! That’s why _I_ lead them away!”

“Your life counts! It counts above everyone else’s!” His voice echoed.  

“ _To you!”_ You shouted. “I cannot be biased when we’re in this part of our lives. I made the call because I thought it was the best call to make.”

“You were wrong!” He said, motioning to your shoulder. “What? You think you’re untouchable? That you can just go charging into places without an exit strategy? Don’t be arrogant, arrogance gets people _killed_. You made a bad decision.”

“And that is _my_ decision to make, not Steve’s, not Tony’s, not anyone’s. _No one_ makes decisions for me, not even you.”

Visibly stung, Bucky shrunk away from you.

Clutching your arm, you were seething but done arguing so you pushed passed him.

You sat down onto the examination table and Nicole was on you within seconds. She ripped off the makeshift stabilizer Natasha had put on and you could faintly see the metal of the blade poking out.

“I’m going to have to give you some anesthetic to numb the skin around it. I have to pull out a lot of-”

“I’m not finished!” Bucky stomped back over to you. He faltered at the sight of your open wound. It wasn’t gushing blood anymore, bleeding only sluggishly now.

You clenched your fists, knuckles whitening with the force, and opened your mouth to snark back.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Nicole snapped firmly and suddenly.

Bucky quieted and both of you turned to her. You could feel a few other eyes on her and judging by her red ears, she could too.

“You’re agitating my patient, I was put on this mission and my objective is to help when needed. I need to extricate the blade from her wound and prepare her for incubation when we land. It is a tedious process that needs to be done accurately to minimize damage. If you are not going to be helpful, I suggest you find something _elsewhere_ to occupy yourself.”

Jaw clenched, Bucky shot you a hard look.

“This is inappropriate, Sergeant Barnes. Please let me do my work and you may speak with the Commander when we land, _alone_.”

Bucky reared back and he glanced around the room. His eyes widened, as if just now realizing that other people were on the jet besides you two.

“I’ll get out of your way,” he said, voice finally quiet. He stomped out the cabin and into the hallway. The doors shut behind him and you finally relaxed.

Nicole frowned and continued working on you. “I apologize for being so crass but if I continued to let the wound bleed, you’ll need a transfusion-”

You stopped her by placing your good hand on her shoulder.

“-that was _amazing_ , I’ve never seen anyone tell Bucky to shut up,” her face flushed and you couldn’t help but smile at her, “even as eloquently as that.”

After what felt like an hour, Nicole bandaged your shoulder and placed it into a sling.

“We don’t have the cradle currently,” she said, “but we do have the swaddle. I’ve scheduled your session after Mr. Wilson’s-”

The swaddle was a creative alternative that your team back at the lab was able to put together after a year’s worth of research. It started as an idea with Bruce, over dinner one day, and it’d taken you months but you were finally able to get your prototype up and running.

While the cradle was much more effective at healing major injuries, Helen – Dr. Cho – was currently still in the process of building a second one for you. It was a complicated and tedious task that required major resources.

The swaddle worked similarly to the cradle but it only helped injuries go from critical to stable, it couldn’t heal anything completely. It was, however, much easier to duplicate and cheaper to do so.

“Was anyone else injured?” You asked her, interrupting her recovery instructions.

“Yes, six agents from Omega A,” she said.

“How many of those injuries are more critical than mine?”

You could see the hesitance in her eyes.

“Hey – the truth now,” you gently nudged her.

Nicole shook her head. “Two, maybe three.”

“Maybe?”

“One is a nicked artery. If he hasn’t bled out before we land, he’ll be the most urgent.”

“Can these bandages hold me off until tomorrow morning?” You asked. “Without any lasting damage?”

She nodded. “Yes but the more you prolong your session, the longer it’ll have to be.”

“Then you schedule sessions in the cradle by injuries.”

“But-”

“That’s an order.”

She straightened. “Yes, Commander.”

“Thank you Agent Koswick,” you said, sitting up, entire arm numb again. You groaned at the pounding migraine building.

“If I may,” she said abruptly turning back to you.

You raised an eyebrow and she flushed.

“I understand your anger, just…” she chewed her lip. “People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder react to things differently than those who aren’t afflicted with it, as I’m sure you know.”

Everyone knew that on a mission gone wrong a few years ago you’d been shot badly. You were placed into a medically induced coma that took you a _long_ time to wake up from – and an even longer time to recover from. To say that the experience had left you traumatized was putting it lightly. It seemed that some of the people close to you hadn’t fully recovered from the experience as well.

“It’s not an excuse,” she said. “Just something to consider, Commander.”

The jet shook for a moment and Wanda’s voice floated down from the overhead speaker. “Welcome home team.”

“Thank you,” you said.

She nodded. “You’re welcome. I’ll send the med bay some vials to prep for you tonight.”

* * *

After a quick check up, a change of bandages, and another round of injections, the med bay let you go. Rhodey and Wanda had fussed over you, but you promised you’d be early for you appointment with the swaddle tomorrow morning.

According to Rhodey, no one had expected the teams back so early, so Tony had already gone to bed. He promised not to say anything until you got to talk to him first. You didn’t need another lecture when all you wanted was a nap.

Bucky was also suspiciously absent. Clearly the universe decided to give you a break.

You urgently needed to get out your bloody clothes and the second you were cleared, you bid everyone a good night. You checked on Sam and the other critically injured agent on your way out.

You’d only taken one step passed the door frame when someone barked at you.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky eyed your bandaged shoulder.

Sighing, you dropped your duffel and glared at the ceiling.

 _Thanks universe,_ you thought sarcastically.

“This is our apartment Bucky, where else am I supposed to go?” You asked, suddenly exhausted.

“Into the med bay, Steve said you’d been scheduled after Wilson.”

“There are other critical injuries, I’ve been stabilized and I can wait until tomorrow morning.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Don’t do this, I don’t – I _can’t_ fight with you.”

“If I allow you go on thinking that this was okay, you’ll just do it again!” Bucky said.

“Allow?” You scoffed. “What didn’t you get? I’m not your child! You don’t let me do anything, not before our relationship and certainly not _during_.”

Bucky crossed his arms and fumed.

“Do you know what it’s like?” You said, temper rising and you tossed your blood-stained jacket onto a chair. “Looking the way I do, having the connection to Tony, and being a woman – do you know how hard it is? To earn their respect?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and you clenched your hands.

“Don’t do that!” You felt your eyes burn with unshed tears. “Don’t disregard my words like they aren’t worth anything just because you think I’m wrong.”

“You _were_ wrong!” He said, expression frustrated and a more than a little confused. “I’m not disregarding your-”

“You know, out of everyone, _you know_ how hard I work.”

Bucky sighed and sat down on a stray chair. “I do know that-”

“I planned out every detail for this mission. I’m not frequently placed in charge. I’ve had to fight my way up for that and you cannot speak to me that way in front other people.”

“What?” Bucky stood up, the chair screeching loudly. “Is that what it is? You want us to all nod and agree to do whatever you say just because you’re in charge?”

“Yes,” you hissed. “That’s what’s expected of me and I expect it from everyone else. No one was forced onto that mission – you all knew what it meant. When Tony or Steve tell me to jump and I do it without questioning anything. It isn’t because I agree with their decisions, it’s because I signed up for it when I accepted the assignment. I respect any authority over me as Commander. You were deliberately undermining _my_ authority. You know how damaging that could be as a woman.”

Bucky huffed and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. It has nothing to do with who you are-”

“It does!” You shouted. “It has everything to do with that. Everyone knows that Stark favors me. The rest of you just look at me as his daughter.”

“That’s not true!”

“Don’t invalidate my own feelings!” You yelled, anger pulsing through your veins.

“I’m not!”

You slammed your hands onto the dining table, “Yes you are!” You straightened, a sharp pull made you wince and Bucky frowned.

“Let me see-”

You backed away from his hands and shook your head.

“Don’t touch me,” you said. “You don’t touch boiling water.”

Bucky ran a hand through his hair and looked at you, eyes hurt. Your anger dulled, just enough, for you to feel bad for having snapped at him. You were about to apologize when you feel a bit of blood trail down your tank top and Bucky’s eyes flashed at you.

“You know what, you’re right. You _shouldn’t_ have been put in charge. Look at what happened, you almost died – _again_ ,” he snapped, “someone else could’ve gotten seriously hurt. You are out of your depth.”

You reared back, as if he’d hit you and you stared at him for a moment. Your first instinct was to start yelling again – but – you recognized the stubborn set of his jaw. You did not have the energy to continue fighting until morning.

“For that exact reason is why I didn’t choose anyone else to take the risk. The Commander is always meant to take hits that they aren’t willing to let the team take.” You fiddled with the edge of your table runner and sighed. “I’m not arguing with you anymore. If I may, Sergeant, I’m going to go pack a bag.”

“Bag?” He followed you as you stuffed a few items into your duffel.

You shot him an icy look. “If you think I’m staying here, so that you can continue to berate me and point out the million ways I’m inadequate, you have another think coming.”

Bucky’s hands reached out for your arm, “Wait-”

You flattened yourself to the wall. “If you put a _single_ finger on my body right now, so help me Bucky, I will have Wanda put you into a coma,” you said, expression serious and hands clenched.

At that, the hysterical edge in his demeanor disappeared. He blinked, awareness coming in with every passing moment. “I-I wouldn’t, I would _never_ do that,” he said, eyes wide.

You shrugged, wanting to be cruel. You wanted to hurt him, the same way he’d hurt you. “I wouldn’t know, considering I have no idea who you are right now.”

With that, you grabbed your bag and slammed the door on your way out.

\----

You knew anyone residing in the tower would happily let you crash in their apartments, Steve would probably go knock some sense into Bucky, but you wanted to avoid everyone for as long as possible.

You felt wounded, never having fought with Bucky. You bickered in the past, had small fights, but never one this explosive. It felt…like something had shifted in the foundation of your relationship. Were you being too overly sensitive? You’d been hurtful back.

Finally reaching the penthouse, you knew Friday would let you in without much fanfare. The doors opened and the familiar extravagance comforted you. You took a left at the base of the stairs and you knew before you’d even opened the door, that everything would be just as you left it last.

For the first time in years, you crawled into your old bed, the covers smelling freshly washed. Pepper must’ve had someone come in and clean every few weeks. You instinctively reached out for – _ah_ , there it was.

Jarvis, a small stuffed duck named after your old friend, hid under the pillow. You hugged him and despite your racing mind, your exhaustion pulled you into dreamless sleep.

\----

After what felt like five minutes, you were being shaken awake.

“Giggles, it’s time to get up,” Tony said quietly. “Friday said it’s your turn in the swaddle.”

“What time is it?” You grumbled, voice muffled by your comforter.

“Four thirty.”

“Why are you awake?”

“Because Friday couldn’t wake you up so she woke me up.”

“Sorry,” you groaned, the pain radiating deeper into your muscles. You sat up slowly, feeling like you’d been hit by a truck. “I must’ve been sleeping deeply.”

“Yeah, strong pain meds do that to you,” he said, eyes still clouded with drowsiness. “Come on, I’ll keep you company.”

“It’s okay,” you said. “My session is going to take four or five hours.”

“Yeah, I’ll just let my kid limp down to the med bay and sit alone in a cubicle where you’ll probably panic at the enclosed space. _Sure._ ”

You frowned and Bucky’s words bounced around in your head.

_You don’t have what it takes, you’re out of your depth._

“I can do it by myself,” you snapped at Tony when he tried to help you out of the bed.

He reared back, surprised.

“I know,” he said calmly, eyes searching yours. “I know you can, kiddo.”

You softened. You shouldn’t take it out on Tony.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony pressed a kiss to your forehead and tucked a stay lock of hair behind your ear. “I’m not going to ask why you’re in your old bedroom, or why you look like your hurting deeper than the injury on your shoulder.”

You fidgeted and looked down at your hand.

“I know you can take on the world by yourself, but you don’t have to,” he said. “I want to help. Please?”

You knew Tony was just playing on your soft spot so that you wouldn’t feel as bad, but at this point – you didn’t care. You wanted his help, you wanted someone sturdy you could lean on.

“Yeah, okay.” You took his hand and let him lead you towards the elevators.

* * *

“How’s the shoulder?” Pepper asked, a minute after you’d stepped back into the apartment.

You turned to see her sitting at the dining table, large mug of coffee in hand. Her hair was loose but uncombed and you knew she’d probably just woken up.

“How did you-” You asked and shook your head. “You know what? Never mind.”

“I ordered breakfast from the kitchen, it should be up in a minute. You need to eat well so that you’re not knocked out for days after that long in the swaddle.”

The nurse had said the same exact thing, minutes earlier. You turned to Tony and he shrugged.

“I stopped trying to find out how she knows everything years ago,” he said. “She’s omnipresent.”

Pepper smiled into her mug and you shook your head. “It’s fine,” you said. “I’m really sore but it’s mostly healed. The worse part was getting the stitches out.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she stood and kissed your temple. “Next time, wake us up when you come in.”

You smiled. “I basically face planted into my bed and fell asleep.”

“I don’t care,” she nudged you. “I’ll always want to know.”

“Alright,” you ducked your head and plopped into the nearest seat. “I promise.”

“Good, Tony can you get the food?”

“What-”

“ _Mr. Smith is at the front door with the food Mrs. Potts has requested. Should I let him in_?” Friday asked.

Tony gaped at Pepper before making his way to the door. She lifted her phone, the video feed displayed, and pressed a finger to her lips. You smothered your laughter with your hand.

“So, how are the final days leading up to the gala? It’s next Thursday, right?” You sifted through some of files on the tablet next to her.

Before you’d left on the mission, Pepper was planning a charity gala for the hospital your mom had been a nurse at. They’d suffered major financial cutbacks and Tony had come up with the idea to help them get back on their feet. However, it’d slowly grown into something larger than any of you had anticipated.

Pepper thanked Tony as he placed an array of food onto the table. She nodded, chewing on an orange slice. “It’s been a bit overwhelming, I have to admit.”

“Yeah, with something a magnitude of this size?” You scanned the menu and circled a few grammatical errors. “I thought it was being held at the museum uptown.”

Tony frowned. “We had a disagreement.”

Pepper rolled her eyes and flicked the screen until you came to the ballroom downstairs. “We cut the guest list by a third and managed to fit it into the larger room on the fifth floor.”

“Cut throat, I like it,” you grabbed the only croissant before Tony could snatch it up. “You want me to help take off some of the load?”

“Oh, sweetheart, your shoulder-”

“Absolutely not,” Tony quickly said. “You’re not ready yet. Besides, we have the usual team working on it.”

Tony’s tone made you bristle.

“I can do it,” you insisted. “I can do administrative tasks. You’ve already barred me from my lab and I’m off missions until we can tie up the loose ends on this one.”

“Tracking the ones that escaped?” Pepper asked, looking thoughtful.

“Yeah,” you bit into your breakfast and sighed. “They’re probably in the wind at this point.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Tony nudged you. “I could take a look at the reports and run a few programs.”

“Thanks,” you said around a mouthful of pastry.

“ _Mrs. Potts? Your assistant wants to know if you’ve looked over the seating chart_ ,” Friday asked.

Pepper sighed and reluctantly picked up the tablet. You quickly snatched it from her grip and stood.

“I’m serious, you two have been busy with this these past few months, I got this,” you scanned the chart on the screen. “Tell Caroline I’ll meet her in Pepper’s office in twenty minutes.”

“I don’t think-”

“I need to be busy. I don’t want to just lie in bed waiting to feel better,” you tightened your hold on the tablet and frowned at your feet.

You didn’t want to run into Bucky, in fact you didn’t even want to think about him right now.

Tony and Pepper exchanged a look, and you frowned, feeling even more like a child.

“ _Giggles_ ,” Tony began.

Pepper grabbed his hand and smiled brightly up at you. “Thank you honey, that’ll be great. If you start to feel overwhelmed or tired, come get me.”

“But-”

“Tony,” she said firmly. “She’s an adult and she knows what she’s doing.”

Tony rolled his eyes but shot you an exasperated look. You smiled gratefully, walking around to kiss their heads.

“Thank you,” you said, not waiting for either of them to decide to tag along and walking out the door.

* * *

You walked at a slow pace on the treadmill next to Natasha, who was simultaneously watching you closely and lifting weights.

“I saw you earlier yesterday, around the ballroom with Pepper’s assistant,” Wanda said, running on the machine next to yours. “I thought you were supposed to be resting.”

“I was!” You said.

Natasha snorted. “You were avoiding Barnes.”

You stayed quiet and saw Wanda frown. “I think he did not express himself correctly but-”

“-but _nothing_ ,” you said, “he was completely out of line.”

“I agree,” Natasha said, taking your side. “It was the wrong time and place to yell at her like that. He wouldn’t have done it if Steve had taken that risk.”

Wanda slowed her pace down and nodded. “I agree, but Steve isn’t the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. It’s hard when I see one of you take a serious hit.”

“And yet, you’ve never yelled at me like I’m a five year old in front of my entire team,” you said.

She winced and nodded. “Okay, I see what you’re talking about.”

“I think the point is that yes, he started it,” Natasha said, “but you both made mistakes. You’ve snapped at him in similar ways but, he should apologize and learn from it.”

“They’re both very stubborn,” Wanda pointed out.

You crossed your arms, indignant. Natasha, however, laughed and nodded. “I know, but this ones on him. He needs to own up to his mistake. I think it’s good to have some distance for now.”

“What is it?” Wanda asked, her eyes flashing red for a moment. “You think he’s hiding something from you.”

Natasha dropped the weights she was using and turned to you with an odd expression.

“Sorry,” Wanda frowned. “Your emotions are all over the place, it’s hard to hold back.”

You smiled at her, you knew she tried her best to mind her powers. “It’s okay. Yeah, recently…I’ve been feeling like he’s hiding something.”

“Something big?” Wanda asked, worried.

“No,” you said, slowing down your pace. “I don’t know – maybe? He’s been pulling away from me.”

Natasha stayed weirdly quiet and you shot her an odd look.

You were afraid to say the words out loud, as if you’d somehow make them true by telling someone else.

“What if,” you said softly, “-what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if, it’s too hard to be us with me being the Director and going off on missions. When I’m free, he’s on assignment. Then we try to get on assignments together and he has a meltdown. What if...what if this is too much and he wants out?”

Natasha reached out and stopped your treadmill, her face serious. “I think you need to talk to him _zaika_. This isn’t something you should keep in.”

Wanda nodded. “I don’t know what’s been going on recently, but I can tell he’s distracted. I think Natasha’s right. You should speak to each other but, if I know anything – Bucky loves you like the sun loves the moon.”

You smiled, you couldn’t help it really, you loved it when Wanda used metaphors to describe something. You glanced at Natasha’s small smile and knew she was thinking the same thing.

“You’re right,” you said. “I think I need another day to myself.”

Natasha squeezed your hand, “You do whatever your comfortable with but it’s important to you that you remember one thing,” she said. “You are not out of your depth and you are not a bad leader. You’ve worked hard to get where you are. Don’t second guess yourself.”

“Thanks guys,” you said, feeling touched. You nudged her shoulder with your own and smiled. “I did have a good teacher.”

Natasha scoffed. “ _Good_? I was a great teacher.”

* * *

You had two final meetings with Caroline, the head chef, the band, and the florist. Checking your tablet, you scribbled additional notes in and checked your phone.

While the last few days had been stressful, it was the good type of stressful. You knew this gala was going to bring a lot of funding that the hospital would be able to put to good use.

You reached into your duffel bag and realized you’d run out of clean socks. Frowning, you contemplated asking someone to go into your apartment and get a few things for you. Natasha would probably do it, but, hold it over you afterwards.

“Fuck,” you muttered, kicking the bag.

“What’d the bag do now?” A voice behind you said.

You jumped, startled, and whirled around to see Tony leaning against the door frame.

“Nothing,” you huffed and sat down by your desk.

“You ready to get whatever it is off your chest?” Tony asked, sitting on the edge of your bed.

You shook your head.

“Well, I’m here if you need a sounding board-”

“Tony? Are you in here?” Pepper walked through your door and smiled when she saw the two of you. “What’re you two doing?”

“Ah, nothing, just getting caught up on the final details,” Tony said smoothly.

Pepper clapped her hands and turned to you. “I thought I’d do the final walk through with you today, if you don’t mind that is.”

“Of course not,” you beamed at her. “This was your baby to begin with, I just hijacked it.”

She laughed and wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders. He leaned into her, automatically, almost unconsciously. You watched them, really watched them, and couldn’t help but feel awed by their perseverance throughout the years.

“Sweetheart?”

You blinked, shook your head and turned to Pepper. “I’m sorry, my mind is a minefield right now. What’d you say?”

Pepper smiled, her eyes soft and understanding. “I said, when were you planning on going down?”

“An hour?” You said, checking your watch. “I just need to stop by my apartment for a few things.”

Tony frowned but stayed quiet. Pepper looked down at him and you knew they were having an entire conversation with their eyes. After a moment, judging by Tony’s dejected look, it seemed Pepper had won the silent argument.

“Okay honey, I’ll meet you at my office then?” She asked.

You nodded and Tony kissed her cheek. Before she could step out, you blurted out, “How do you guys do it?”

Pepper stopped, halfway out your door, and turned to you. “Do what?”

Tony sighed, standing up and stepping closer to Pepper. “We work very hard at it, Giggles. It’s not easy.”

You frowned, picking at your cuticles.

“Kiddo, what’s happening?” Tony asked, his brows furrowing. “Is this about the mission? I know it didn’t go exactly as you’d planned but it was a success.”

Not wanting to go into details, you just shook your head.

Pepper tilted your chin up and you knew she was searching your expression for any clues.

“It’s difficult,” she admitted, “especially since I don’t really know what it’s like to be in your world, not daily. I don’t _technically_ have the clearance you two do – I don’t know the details, but I do know the aftermath. I see how you two shoulder the weight of the world sometimes.”

Pepper pushed your hair off your forehead and smiled warmly down at you.

“I would give anything to help shoulder that with you two, but I can’t. I’m constantly scared one of you will be ripped away from me and you know how difficult Tony was before-”

“-hey!”

“-but, I love him. I’ll always love him.”

You frowned, “But what if that isn’t enough?”

“It isn’t always,” Tony agreed. “You need a lot more than love but if you have that, you have the right foundation. I guess, what we’ve learned, is that communication is really the easiest way to keep everyone sane and happy.”

You sighed, not finding the answer you were looking for.

Tony laughed. “I know. I hate that it’s such an old married couple answer but it’s true.”

Pepper smiled and pulled you into a tight hug. “You’ll figure it out and if you don’t, you have us.”

“I know,” you said.

And you did, you knew that even if the world was ending, you could always count on Pepper and Tony to back you up.

“I’ll see you in thirty?” Pepper asked, searching your face again.

Forcing a bright smile, you nodded.

* * *

You stared at your front door, your hands feeling a little numb.

You just needed a handful of things, you were _not_ going to linger, and you’d be out before anyone passed by anyway.

As if sensing your hesitation, Friday announced, “ _Sergeant Barnes is currently on the 18 th floor, with Captain Rogers, his estimated return is in twenty one minutes_.”

You jumped and frowned at the ceiling. “Yes, _thank you_ Friday.”

This was _your_ apartment, you scoffed, why would you need to be nervous about going into your own space? You didn’t need to rush anything.

If, for some reason, you scrambled to shove things into your duffel in under five minutes – that was no one’s business but your own.

Despite your quick efficiency, a few minutes later, you heard the front door open. You froze, standing in the middle of your living room, no doubt looking guilty.

“What happened to twenty-one minutes?” You hissed at the ceiling.

“ _Iubire_ ,” Bucky said, his tone surprised.

You took in his unruly hair and five o’clock shadow. His eyes looked tired, a look you knew was probably reflecting back at him.

“Hey,” you waved lamely.

Bucky looked at the overstuffed duffel on the table and frowned. “I’ve been trying to reach out to you-”

“I haven’t been looking at my phone really,” you said, voice trailing off at the end. “I’ve been busy with the gala.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “I just - I wanted to tell you that you didn’t need to stay away from your apartment. I can stay with Steve.”

“This is _our_ apartment, I didn’t – I just think some space would be good right now,” you said.

Bucky nodded and you both stood there awkwardly.

You absently picked at a loose seam on a throw pillow, avoiding his gaze. You were _not_ breaking first.

After a few beats, Bucky sighed. “I think we should talk about what happened.”

“I agree,” you said diplomatically. “I think we both said things we regret-”

Your phone chirped loudly and Bucky’s rang shortly after. You both patted your pockets, trying to find them.

“It’s from Steve,” you said.

Bucky straightened. “Tony’s search got a few hits. Wilson’s going to sift through the reports and get us a copy.”

You scanned the rest of the message quickly and leaned over to drop your phone into your bag. Your shoulder stretched a little too far and you winced.

“I think,” Bucky started off cautiously, eyeing your shoulder, “this would be a good opportunity to let Steve take over as Commander.”

You straightened. “What?”

Bucky raised his hands, his expression soft and lips set in a frown.

“I’m just saying, _iubire_ , you’re not in your best shape right now. I know you’re mostly healed but, maybe Steve would be able to finish this off for you.”

Narrowing your eyes, you scoffed, baffled.

“Are you serious right now?” You asked, crossing your arms.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “This isn’t a comment on your ability to lead, it’s about not putting the team or mission in jeopardy.”

“And that’s something I would do?”

“If we’re called out this week, yes, you can’t even lean over properly!” Bucky exclaimed.

“Oh right,” you huffed. “It has nothing to do with your opinion that I’m in over my head? That _clearly_ , I have no leadership skills? I believe the exact words you used were ‘out of my depth,’” You parroted his words back at him.

To his credit, he winced and looked genuinely remorseful. “I shouldn’t have said that, I was upset at the time-”

“-well I’m upset right now!” You said. “You didn’t listen to me the last time. I’m not giving anyone else this mission. It’s _mine_. I started it and I’m ending it.”

“I was just offering up advice-”

“-the same way you were offering up advice on the jet? Is that what you call it? Scolding me like I’m a toddler?”

“Wait a minute, you can’t put the blame solely on me,” Bucky said frustratedly. “You made a wrong call and almost cost us the entire mission.”

Your eye twitched and you wanted, with all your heart, to knock him in the head. Instead, you took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Clearly, we’re not in a position where we can talk this out yet,” you stalked over to your duffel and hauled it up onto your good shoulder.

Bucky kept his distance but called out after you, “So you’re just going to walk away without talking about it? Again?”

You whirled around and scowled at him. “When you learn not to criticize my every decision and actually apologize for being an asshole, then we’ll talk. Remember, I’ve never treated you the way you treated me that day. I did not deserve that and you know it. All you did was talk _at_ me and refuse to listen to me so yes, I’m going to continue to walk away until you _listen_.”

Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel and walked out of the apartment.

\----

“Maybe I shouldn’t have walked away,” you told Natasha, your hands on your hips as you surveyed the ballroom.

“Maybe not, but if you still need space then it’s better than another argument,” she said, sitting on one of the white chairs.

Natasha had offered to help you with the final walk-throughs today. Everyone was set to arrive that evening, at six _sharp_. Caroline was busy running around taking care of a minor road bump.

“I don’t know,” you sighed, focusing on the floral arrangements.

“Hey,” she walked over to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. “If it’s bothering you, you should _talk_ _about it._ Remember what happened when you were both being too stubborn to even admit you liked each other.”

You rolled your eyes. No one was ever going to let that go.

She nudged you again. “Just talk to each other. He’s sulking, you’re pouting, and maybe it’d be best to just get it out in the open.”

“I tried, he keeps talking at me and not listening to anything I’m saying,” you sighed, frustrated. “It’s hard to hear someone you care about tell you how much of a failure you are.”

“I don’t think that’s what he meant.”

“Well, that’s how it sounds,” you said childishly. “I don’t want to be the one who compromises this time.”

“No one wants to compromise, only normal people,” Natasha joked and straightened the table cloth. “Come on, we need to go check on the caterers.”

You nodded. Glancing around the room for a final time, you picked up your tablet and crossed off another item.

Several arguments, spills, and hours later, Pepper found you straightening out a few string lights.

“Finally!” She said, her voice startling you.

You turned to see her frazzled expression, her hair and make up already done. Your heart clenched and you started to sweat.

“What? What happened?” You grabbed a chair nearby to steady you. “Is it the cake? I knew it, I _knew_ it was going to get damaged in transit. I told Caroline-”

“Honey, everything’s fine! We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Exhaling deeply, you almost slumped over. “Thank God. What do you need my help with?”

Pepper laughed. “Nothing, everything’s in place – you need to get ready!”

You checked your watch and blanched. “I swear it was noon like, five minutes ago.”

Caroline, Pepper’s assistant, popped up next to her with her phone at her ear. “We found her, she’ll be up in ten minutes.”

“Up where?” You asked, letting Pepper herd you towards the elevators.

“We have the team waiting to help you get ready, the Mayor is due here in an hour. Tony and Pepper need to be there to greet him.”

You nodded, tripping over your own feet. “Okay, my dress is in my apartment-”

“It’s in the penthouse being steamed as we speak. Come on,” Caroline rushed you.

“Wait,” you stuck a hand out and grabbed Caroline. “Have you seen Bucky?”

She nodded. “He returned from training a few hours ago with Captain Rogers. They’ve already been instructed on what time to arrive and have a stylists helping them into their suits. _Go get ready_!”

* * *

“Thank you all so much!” You hugged everyone that’d helped you get ready. Most of them had been working with Pepper for years at this point.

“Oh honey, you look beautiful,” the stylist, Nina, said. She took a few pictures, mussed up your hair and smiled. “You’re going to knock that Sergeant of yours onto his cute butt.”

You laughed and shook your head. “I don’t know about that.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Trust me, with a dress like that, everyone’s going to have their eyes on you.”

“Well, you’re the genius behind the curtain,” you twirled, the dress billowing around you. You had to admit, it was one of the nicer dresses you’d worn to any event. It was on the heavier side, but if you held it _just_ right, you shouldn’t have any problems.

“With you, it’s easy,” she kissed your cheek and smiled warmly.

“Finally!” A significantly frazzled looking Caroline rushed around the corner. “Everyone’s downstairs already, Tony’s asked for you about a hundred times. You know how he gets.”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!”

You thanked everyone again and let Caroline help you into the elevator.

“Okay, the hospital staff just arrived and they should be your first stop,” Caroline instructed, her phone clutched in her hands.

PR thought it’d be best if you helped Tony talk up the donors arriving tonight. While you hated the small talk, you knew you were good at it. You’d been watching Tony do it since you were twelve.

Besides, you had the most pull with your personal connection to the hospital. Everyone loved a good backstory and you had it. You took a few deep breaths, reminding yourself that it was for a good cause, one close to your heart.

“Hey, if you ever need an out, just grab me – okay?” Caroline said, her expression concerned.

“Nah,” you adjusted your straps and nodded. “I’m used to it, it’s just…still nerve wrecking.”

“Says the woman who got stabbed on a mission,” Caroline snorted.

“This is scarier,” you joked.

She laughed and you both walked out towards the entrance. Before you could thank her, someone called out your name.

You turned towards the source and found a familiar set of faces.

“Jackie!” You smiled, walking towards them, wary of your dress. “I didn’t recognize you out of your scrubs.”

Jackie was a fairly new hire to the hospital, but one you’d become close with during your visits. She wore a deep aqua gown with a plunging neckline.

“Ha ha,” she said dryly. “You clean up well.”

“Thank you, so do you – careful with those, you’ll knock one of my eyes out,” you joked as you hugged her. “Oh look, it’s the CEO of Lumier Labs.”

“ _Who_?” She whispered.

“Someone with a lot of money,” you explained.

She grinned, pushed up her chest and nodded. “Well, let’s get to swindling then.”

You laughed, “Come on.”

\----

You managed to make a good dent during cocktail hour, most attendees eager to talk to you about your latest project with Bruce and Dr. Cho.

“Yes, we expect a four year projected success rate,” you explained.

“That’s amazing, really, your work is unparalleled-” you glanced around the room as he continued to talk about his own project and found Bucky standing by the doors.

You nodded, only half-listening to the engineer about his new program, distracted by the sight of Bucky in a suit.

Your stomach flipped, he hadn’t noticed you yet, and was smiling at something Wanda had said.

He’d worn a dark grey jacket, one that looked practically _painted_ on. You couldn’t help but stare, who’d picked that suit? You knew he must’ve put up a fight about wearing it.

As if sensing your gaze, his eyes lifted and caught yours. You smiled faintly and he lifted a hand.

You pointed towards the bar at the far left and lifted two fingers. He nodded and smiled back at you.

Not wanting to be rude, you let the engineer continue talking and excused yourself as soon as you could. You were stopped, twice, by a few acquaintances on your way towards the bar.

“I got you a refill,” Bucky said, pulling the wine glass towards you.

You picked it up and took a healthy swig. His eyebrows rose slightly and he smiled. “Stressed?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” you leaned against the bar, your feet aching a little. “Everyone’s pulling me in ten different directions.”

“Your handling it well, as always,” he said quietly, sipping his scotch. “You look beautiful doll.”

Smiling softly, you turned to him and straightened his bow tie. “You look pretty great yourself.”

Bucky frowned and tugged on his jacket. “I feel like a monkey, all everyone asks me about is the Great War and Steve.”

You laughed. “It’s an older crowd,” you shrugged. “It beats small talk.”

Bucky’s hand came up to your face, his fingers softly brushing against your cheek. “I’m glad I can still get you to laugh.”

Your smile dropped, and you sighed. “Buck, I-”

“Wait, let me talk first,” he stepped towards you. “That day, on the field - and at our apartment - I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I was frustrated and scared and I took it out on you. I should’ve apologized instead of trying to shift the blame-”

“Director?” A voice called out from your left.

You cursed, scowling at the interruption. Bucky dropped his hand from you.

“Can I have _five minutes_ alone?” You said quietly.

“Hey,” Bucky took your hand. “This isn’t the right place anyway, we can talk after. You need to work your magic right now.”

You sighed, feeling unsure. “I’ll find you before the speeches?”

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “Knock ‘em dead.”

\----

An hour later, you managed to escape the main room – where yet _another_ person was giving a speech – and took a minute to yourself.

You walked over to the bar, which was currently unattended, and reached for the closest bottle. You dropped into one of the stools and took a sip directly from it.

“I think you’re supposed to put the liquid into a glass, at least from what I’ve heard.”

You whirled around, just barely avoiding spilling onto your dress.

“Jesus, Rogers, you scared the shit out of me,” you slumped onto the bar, your shoulder aching.

Steve laughed and sat onto the stool next to yours. “Haven’t seen you around in a while.”

“I’ve been busy,” you said, offering the bottle up to him. He shook his head and grabbed an appetizer off of a nearby tray. “The gala might have been a bit more than I could take on.”

Steve gasped, his hand on chest. “Admitting to biting off more than you can chew? _You_? Miracles do happen.”

You shoved him and he laughed. “Shut up, you’re not being helpful.”

Steve smile and swiped a water bottle from behind the bar.

“You look great,” Steve said after he’d stopped laughing. “You did an amazing job with the gala.”

You shrugged and picked at the label on the bottle. “It was mostly Pepper’s planning-”

“Accept the compliment.”

“Thank you, Steven,” you stuck out your tongue. “You look very handsome as well.”

“Thanks kiddo.”

You settled into a comfortable silence, the muffled sounds of laughter quickly filling the small room.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” You asked him, your voice small. “Going back for the kids?”

Steve frowned, his brows furrowed and expression pensive.

“No, I don’t think you made the wrong call,” he said eventually. “As a Captain, I would’ve done the same thing. As your _friend_ , I think you could’ve handled the aftermath a bit differently-”

You huffed and rolled your eyes. “Here we go.”

“You asked!” Steve shook his head. “Kiddo, we’ve all been Commanders before – it’s not my place as your Beta to tell you what calls to make.”

“Does it bother you?” You asked.

“What?”

“Taking orders from people after being the one who gave them for so long,” you said, “taking them from me? Even if they are the wrong calls?”

Steve shook his head and turned his seat to face you. “No, not at all. I took orders for a long, long, time. I wasn’t always this… _size_ , remember? I had to know how to take orders from everyone.”

You nodded, trying to remember the pictures of Steve before the serum.

“Besides, many people outrank me,” he said, reaching out to take your hand. “Don’t let anyone second guess your decisions. It’ll only mess with you afterwards. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are and you’re a great leader. There’s always gotta be someone who needs to make the tough calls.”

“Thanks,” you said quietly. You felt firm in your decision, your anger at Bucky hadn’t made you waiver, but it was nice to have validation.

“You two have always been so stubborn,” Steve squeezed your hands. “You both rarely butt heads but when you do – it’s like a World War.”

You shook your head. “I don’t think I’m the one at fault here-”

“You’re not,” he clarified, “but I think you should talk to him.”

“We started to but-” you waved at the empty room “-this whole thing happened.”

Steve nodded, taking a sip from of water. “That’s good at least.”

You fidgeted, straightening out your dress, eyes following the pattern on the hem.

“He’s complicated, I knew that, I’ve always known that,” you said, “we’ve all got our own baggage. I’ve never seen him lose it like that. He’s cautious but not…. this overprotective. He’s been pulling away from me recently and I can’t help but think he’s-”

“He’s what?”

You shrugged. “Nothing. I – I just don’t know what to do with this side of him.”

“Bucky’s difficult,” Steve started, “he’s been through a lot.”

“I _know_ -”

“- you don’t, not when it comes to you,” Steve said.

You frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When you were shot, those months, watching you die – it was a lot on him.”

“Everyone can’t keep using that as an excuse!” Your temper flared. “I understand the severity but, we need to move on from it.”

“That’s just it, he’s not going to be able to move on from it as easily as the rest of us,” he said. “Look at Tony, it took him a long time to learn how to back off. It’s because you’re _family_. I was there when you came running into the hospital room after Loki destroyed the city. I saw your face, the despair and fear. It’s the same thing.”

“It’s not-”

“Family is family. It’s not because you’re a woman, not because you’re you, not because he thinks you can’t lead – despite what he says. It’s because you’re his family and he’s a jerk who still hasn’t learned to communicate his feelings well.” Steve shrugged. “You’re one of the most important people in his life, regardless of your relationship. I don’t think he was ready for what seeing you hurt again would bring up.”

“That’s on him, he didn’t need to lash out at me like that,” you insisted.

“You’re right,” Steve said agreeably, “but don’t you think that actually talking about how you felt would be better than stewing in your anger?”

You stayed quiet, clinging onto your righteous anger for a few beats.

“Ugh, screw you Rogers.”

Steve laughed and reached out to bring you into a tight hug. “I’m not telling you that you need to forgive him, or even talk to him right now, I’m just saying – you’ve both been looking pretty miserable.”

You hooked your chin over his shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, alright.”

“That was easy,” he smiled and stood up. “I should get back before anyone realizes I’m gone.”

“Wait, do you know where-”

“He escaped a few minutes before you did,” Steve pointed towards the French doors at the end of the room. “If I know him as well as I think I do, he should be on the terrace.”

You smiled at him gratefully and he waved before disappearing out the main doors. You walked towards the terrace, the doors slightly ajar and saw Bucky sitting on one of the wooden chairs by the firepit.

“I’m alright Steve, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Aren’t you cold?” You asked, your arms already filled with goosebumps.

Bucky reeled, his eyes settling on you and frowning when he saw you shiver. He stood, slipping out of his jacket and helping you into it. You reveled in the sudden warmth, his jacket surprisingly warm.

“So,” you said.

Bucky sighed and stuck his hands into his pockets. “ _So_.”

You both settled into tense silence. You flexed your fingers, trying to keep your anxiety at bay.

“Bucky, what are we doing?” You finally said, your voice coming out much smaller than you’d meant it to.

“I’m so sorry, _iubire_ ,” Bucky said, his fingers twitching, “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It was an old defensive mechanism that I couldn’t help but slip back into. It was inappropriate and I’m trying to work on it. I talked with Justin and he’s helped me work through some of it.”

Justin was a friend of Sam’s; he was a counselor at the VA in Greenwich. He’d helped Bucky work through a lot of his night terrors, he’d helped Tony through his first AA meetings, and periodically checked up on everyone.

“You’re one of the best Commanders I’ve had the honor of working with, I lashed out and I want you to know it doesn’t have anything to do with the way you handled the team. I was just…scared. I was scared that the universe had finally decided that I’d had too many good things in my life.”

“Bucky,” you sighed. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

“Since you got the concussion on the Tokyo job.”

“That was in the summer!” You exclaimed. “Bucky, you can’t keep that bottled in like that.”

“I didn’t want you to think I was hovering.”

“Yeah, so, exploding in front of the team was the better option.”

Bucky frowned, eyes going to something over your shoulder, and you sighed.

“I get that the accident makes you nervous. I understand, trust me I do, how much your past can weigh on you to make you react more intensely than you wanted to – but, we agreed when we started dating that we weren’t going to let it affect our relationship.”

You took a few steps back from him and sat down on a nearby chair.

“I knew that sometimes you were going to be in charge and you knew that I would lead some missions. You _cannot_ undermine me in front of the others like that. If it had been anyone else, I would’ve had them formally reprimanded. You never take shit from anyone on your missions and neither do I.”

“I know, I’m sorry. You’ve never put me in that position and I shouldn’t have either. It’s not just-” he cut off.

“It’s not just what?”

When he didn’t say anything, you frowned. There was clearly something he wasn’t saying. You watched him fidget nervously, his fingers clenched and his eyes avoiding yours.

Your heart sunk into your stomach and you knew you had to ask.

“I don’t think this is just about me getting hurt. You’ve been weird – and _don’t_ say that you haven’t-” you said quickly when he opened his mouth to object. “You’ve been pulling away from me since before Tokyo – since the cat one last year. Did something happen on the mission that you can’t talk about?”

“No, that’s not it,” Bucky said quietly.

“So, there is _something_.”

Bucky shook his head and you felt your frustration rise. You were trying to work through it and he wasn’t giving you anything.

“You know that I try not to push, that’s why I’ve spent the entirety last year _not_ pushing. I’m not going to drag it out of you,” you grabbed his hands and tried to catch his gaze. “You need to give me _something_. I can’t keep thinking that I’m the one doing something wrong. Are you-”

Your insecurities reared their ugly heads and you thought back to Bucky’s face whenever anyone brought up marriage. Maybe…could it be-

“Are you not happy? Is this too much for you?” Your voice waivered and Bucky’s eyes snapped up to yours. “Do you still want to be with me?

“Of course,” he growled.

You stepped away from him, startled by his visceral answer. Your anxiety shot through the roof and you could feel him feeding off your own nervous energy.

“Then what is it? What am I doing wrong?”

“It’s not you, I’m – I’m making so many mistakes,” Bucky frowned, his eyes sad. “I’ve been trying to-”

His shoulders hunched in on himself and you could feel his frustration.

“Talk to me, please. It’s _me_ ,” you said. “We agreed to always be friends first. Do you…do you want out? Is this not something you want anymore?”

Bucky frowned and his silence unsettled you.

“I’ve always known that I loved you,” he said eventually, a ghost of a smile on his face. “Sometimes it feels like I’ve loved you forever.”

You furrowed your brows, not following where he was going with this.

“I know I’ve been acting weird – I’m such an _idiot_ – I’m not sure how to…how you’ll react.”

“What did you do?” You asked. “What’s so bad that you think I’ll react badly?”

Bucky continued, like he hadn’t heard you.

“I had planned it so many times and I had notes-” His eyes darted to the doors behind you. “Weren’t you supposed to give a speech?”

Frustrated from being on edge for so long, you grabbed his arms. “Fuck the gala. _What. Is. Going. On._ ”

Bucky patted his pockets, absently looking for something and frowning when he came up empty. “I don’t even have it. It’s in – it’s in my duffel.”

“Have what?” You asked, your heart pounding.

What the hell was he looking for? Did he write down notes on how to break up with you?

“It’s now or never,” he said quietly – so quietly that you knew he was talking to himself.

Loud laughter floated over from the doors and you ignored it.

“Natasha’s told me that I was overthinking it,” he laughed humorlessly, “I guess she was right.”

“James,” you grabbed his hand, “please.”

He looked at you, his eyes darkening and the nervousness you saw was replaced with familiar determination. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and nodded.

“What’s been happening these past few months – is that – I- I wanted to ask-”

“Bucky?” A voice called out.

“ _For the love of_ -” you whirled around, “he’s _busy_!”

Bucky frowned and tilted his head. “That’s Steve.”

“I don’t care!” You shrieked, voice a little hysterical.

Just as you were about to kick the doors closed, Steve pushed them open.

“Steve, this isn’t the best moment-” Bucky started.

“I’m sorry you guys,” Steve looked at you both remorsefully. “Buck, I tried to hold them off but we gotta go and we can’t leave without her.”

“Go?” You said, your anger snuffing itself out. “Go where?”

“The mission,” Steve clarified. “Friday has coordinates on the missing HYDRA agents. They’re trying to get into Mexico and we’ve managed to stall them. We have a small window and if we’re going to catch them, we have to move _now_.”

You nodded, plan already formulating in your mind. “Alright, round up everyone else.”

“Sam’s getting the jet ready, I came to get you guys,” Steve said. “Pepper says she’s got everything covered. I’ll call the compound.”

Steve left as quickly as he appeared and you sighed. “You coming?”

Bucky nodded. “Of course. I’m good, I promise.”

You sighed and kicked off your heels. “Alright, I’ll grab our bags if you grab my batons.”

“See you on the roof in ten,” Bucky said, running for the stairs.

\----

“What’s in this, rocks?” You huffed, tossing Bucky his bag. He caught it easily and you stumbled on the hem of your dress for the hundredth time.

Annoyed, you picked up fistfuls of material and were almost mowed down by a flash of red.

“What are you two waiting for? Omegas are in the air already,” Natasha said, her eyes sparkling.

Without a backwards look, she tore passed the both of you, her intricate braids now loose and frizzy.

The doors opened and the propellers roared. Dozens of agents ran in different directions, rushing up towards the jets.

Before you could step out into the chaos, Bucky spoke.

“I really am sorry,” he said. “We need to talk-”

“Hey,” you interrupted him. “I get it, I do. Raincheck?”

You’d started to walk towards the ramp when his hand on your waist stopped you. You glanced back at him and you could see the question in his eyes. He leaned towards you, his free hand coming up to cup the back of your head. Your hands reached out for him automatically, your body reacting for you.

“I’m sorry too,” you said before pressing your lips against his.

As if electrocuted, Bucky gathered you into his arms, his hands pulling you impossibly close to him. His nose bumped yours and you laughed lightly. You could feel his heart beating quickly and your stomach fluttered.

“We’ll be okay,” you said quietly. “We’ll work it out.”

He pulled you back to him, his lips chapped but warm. You smiled into the kiss. You both still needed to have a long, _long_ , talk and everything wasn’t magically okay - but you didn’t feel so out of control anymore.

“I love you,” he said seriously. “Please don’t ever doubt that. I don’t want out, I’ve never wanted out.”

You felt overwhelmed, your relief crashing into you so hard that you almost fell over. You placed your palm to his chest and steadied yourself at the feel of his heartbeat.

“I love you too.”

Wanda’s head popped out from the side of the ramp, her hair whipping around with the force of the wind. “Strap in you two –we’re moving out as soon as we’re cleared.”

You nodded, kissed Bucky one last time, and walked up towards the main cabin.

There were a few agents, in varying states of formal attire, running around double checking everything for take-off. You’d change out of your dress after you were in the air. For now, it would have to do.

“ _Preparing for take-off_ ,” Natasha’s voice came on overhead.

You walked up to the main table, papers and tablets strewn across it and waited until the feeds to the other two jets popped up onto the screens.

_“Omega A checking in.”_

_“Omega B checking in.”_

“Hernandez?” You called out.

His face came into view on your far-left screen, his expression serious.

“ _Yes Commander_ ,” he said.

“Choi?”

“ _Here_ ,” she answered on the other screen.

You looked towards Wanda, who was pulling pins out of her hair and Steve who was undoing his bowtie. You turned to Bucky, who was right behind you, as always. He nodded encouragingly and you smiled.

You took a deep breath and exhaled.

“Alright everyone, listen up-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - somehow - this chapter managed to grow legs and run away from me. I tried to edit it down as much as I could and I know, Bucky/Reader don't have a lot of interaction in this one but /shrug emoji/ I couldn't help it. I also tried to proofread it, muuuultiple times, and got tired lol so if you see any obvious mistakes, forgive me.
> 
> I tried to walk a fine line between being inappropriate and just plain offensive during their fight and I hope I didn't get that too wrong. 
> 
> Again, comments literally make me want to burst into happy rays of sunshine. Any feedback is wonderful! The next chapter is the one that kind of inspired this whole she-bang, so hopefully I'll get it up within the next few days.
> 
> ...sorry about all my commas. welp.


	4. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! Surprise update!

“Oh my God, I’m so happy to be in a real city again,” Sam said, eyes lighting up.

You snorted, draped half onto a bench and half on the floor. “Coahuila _is_ a city,” you told him.

He turned to glare at you. “We were there for two seconds and then you dragged me to the desert, a _desert_.”

“I thought you could hang better than that Samuel,” you said.

“I have delicate skin, I have a routine you know.” Sam pointed at his torn clothes. “If I never see sand again, it’ll be too soon. In fact, from now on, unless there’s a big ocean attached to the sand – I’m never getting near it.”

You laughed and coughed when your chest shook too much.

He straightened and leaned over to get a better look at you. “You okay?”

You nodded, rubbing your nose with the back of your wrist.

“My shoulder’s killing me and I’m trying not to think about how much of Bucky and Wanda’s blood is on my body instead of in theirs but, I’m okay,” you nodded towards his sling. “You?”

“It’s just sore, Natasha threw the ice pack at me and gave me one her looks. You know the one where she’s silently planning your death if you don’t do what she says?”

Laughing quietly, you shook your head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He snorted, “Yeah, sure. Well, I’m trying to stay alive long enough to take a long-ass shower, grab some food, and face plant into my incredibly soft bed.”

“Me too-”

Before you could’ve said anything else, an alarm went off and you sat up so fast that your vision swam. A few medics that had been dozing off darted up and ran towards the small med bay on board.

You ran after them, your heart in your throat, and caught sight of Natasha. You grabbed her wrist and she helped steady you.

“Is it- _Bucky_ – is he-”

“It’s not Bucky or Wanda,” she said, rubbing your good shoulder. “Take a deep breath, they’re still stable.”

“Has he-”

“No, he’s still unconscious. Nicole said that’s good, remember? He lost a lot of blood.”

Before you could ask, she shook her head. “Wanda’s still out too. They finished surgery two seconds ago and the anesthetic is still wearing off. I was on my way to tell you when the alarm sounded.”

You nodded absently. “Who was it?”

“Agent Choi, she had another seizure.”

Frowning, you started to chew on your cuticles. You knew - as a Commander, as a Beta, as a field agent and as a Director - _you knew_ that casualties were the one thing that was always a given.

 _“You plan for the worst-case scenario but hope for the best,”_ Natasha would always tell you.

You’d never purposefully put someone in a position where they would be shot at. It was always a possibility, your profession wasn’t the safest one out there, but you always tried your best to avoid it.

You _knew_ this fact, everyone knew this.  

And yet…you couldn’t help but feel like it was your fault. You looked down at the dried blood on your clothes. It’d happened so fast – as it usually did – but you should’ve been _faster_.

_“It’s been almost two weeks,” you said to Natasha. “We can’t sit on this anymore.”_

_On your left Steve nodded. “I agree, I think we should make a move.”_

_“I disagree,” Natasha said for the third time. She crossed her arms. “We need to gather more intel.”_

_“We have the element of surprise! If we don’t move, we’re risking them going underground,” Steve countered. “Who knows when we’ll get another chance?”_

_Natasha turned to you. “I don’t like it, we’re rushing it.”_

_You frowned and tried to see the map in front of you from all perspectives. You turned to Agent Choi and Agent Hernandez, both standing at attention._

_“What do you think?” You asked them. “You’re both Commanders of your own teams, what do you think is the right move?”_

_Agent Choi glanced towards Natasha and shook her head. “Commander, I believe Captain Rogers has the best plan. It’s risky but not reckless. We risk spooking them, as Agent Romanov said, but we’re also risking much more if they disappear.”_

_You nodded and turned to Agent Hernandez. He frowned, looking pensive, and looked at you._

_“I apologize, Commander, but I agree with Agent Romanov. I think it’s best if we just do a week more of recon, this might be the only chance we get.”_

_Sighing, the vote was split - again._

_Despite it being three weeks since the last mission, and having Bucky apologize multiple,_ multiple _times, you realized that your seed of indecision had been planted regardless._

_You were unsure and second guessing every decision you made. Did you move in? Did you wait? You didn’t want to be rash and end up worse off. If you waited too long, they could catch wind and leave._

_You needed to think about this logically, like a problem in your lab. You grabbed the file compiled on your subjects._

_The agents had recently started breaking their routine more often, they were beginning to get restless and that pointed to them moving –_ soon. _In another week there could be back up – back up meant more of them and being outnumbered._

_However, you did need to find out exactly how many of them were hiding and what other weapons they had._

_“We’ll do recon for three more days,” you said finally, coming to a compromise and shooting Steve a look when he frowned. “If we don’t learn anything new, we move in. We can’t wait any longer, everyone okay with that?”_

_Natasha also frowned but caught your gaze and smiled almost imperceptibly._

_Everyone else nodded and you sighed. “Alright, back to work everyone.”_

_You walked towards Wanda, who was standing by the doorframe, her eyes light. “Very diplomatic, maybe you should do what Pepper says and go into politics.”_

_You snorted. “I was two seconds away from smacking them both. I forgot how stubborn they are.”_

_Wanda’s eyes went over your shoulder, where Natasha and Steve were talking quietly._

_“Yes, but they’re the best,” she said._

_“Unfortunately,” you joked._

_She laughed lightly, her voice carrying and catching a few looks._

_“Come on, it’s our turn to watch the enemy camp,” Wanda threaded her arm through yours. “Let’s see what we can learn.”_

In the end, you knew that you’d made the right call. You were able to get the information you needed and caught them at their most vulnerable.

_You tightened your arrows onto your back and slid your batons into place._

_“How’s the arm?” You asked Bucky, who was lacing up his boots next to you._

_“It’s better now,” Bucky admitted. “Whatever the mechanic did fixed the bugs.”_

_You rolled your eyes. “Your mechanic seems to remember that you didn’t tip them.”_

_“Did I forget?” He asked, patting his vest absently. “I don’t have any cash on me.”_

_“She’s open to other forms of currency,” you said, leaning down._

_Bucky grinned and kissed you slowly. He stood and placed a hand on your neck._

_“What’s wrong?” He asked._

_“Nothing,” you said, returning back to securing your weapons. “Everything’s been triple checked by both me and Natasha. Everyone knows the plan backwards and forwards. It should be a clean ambush.”_

_“Then what’s wrong?” He asked again, this time placing a hand over yours._

_You stopped what you were doing and looked down at your intertwined hands. You were shaking, not too much but enough to be noticeable._

_“Did I make the right call?” You asked him, hating the fact that you did._

_Bucky’s face fell, his eyes closed and he leaned his forehead against yours. “I will never be more sorry for anything than I am for planting that seed in your mind.”_

_You didn’t assure him or tell him it was okay – because it wasn’t. You knew he wasn’t happy either, to watch you scramble for traction. You also knew that he’d rewind the last month if he could. But he couldn’t and now you were stuck with your annoying indecision._

_“You are a great Commander,” Bucky said quietly but with conviction. “You know what you’re doing and you have been trained for this. Don’t let my angry words change you.”_

_But it hadn’t been just his words, they may have started out that way but it’d grown into something bigger than that. It was your own voice, mocking you for thinking you could do this in the first place._

_Who were you to think you could command a team? You were a stupid paper pusher that was in over her head-_

No _. You stopped the thought before it could spiral._

 _Inhaling deeply, you pushed all your indecision to the back of your mind. Bucky was right no -_ you _were right. You had to be, there was too much at stake for you to be wrong._

_“Okay,” you said, pulling away. “Let’s go.”_

_“Hey,” he stopped you. “This_ will _work. I have faith in you, Commander.”_

Everything had gone according to plan, you’d managed to take down half of the targets before arising suspicion. As usual, once you’d thought you were almost out of the woods, everything crumbled.

_“Wanda, be careful with the ones coming through the middle. Sam get some more elevation and keep an eye on those in the back.”_

_“Got it!”_

_“Hernandez, you clear?”_

_“Clear Commander!”_

_“Okay team, no panicking, slow and steady wins the race-”_

_You worked your way through another empty warehouse and took out everyone in your way. You needed those files._

_“Wanda I’m behind you, can you cover for me?”_

_“Yes, quickly!” She answered._

_Before you could dart out from behind your hidden spot, you heard it._

_A loud rustling that echoed just as loud as the gunshot right after. You watched, as if floating above the scene, as Wanda’s red shield disappeared. It was like someone had turned off a light and she gaped at the gunshot hole in her stomach. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fell, like a puppet whose strings were cut._

_Your entire world quieted, the fighting and the screaming in your ear ceased to exist for a few beats._

_The shooter raised his gun, as if to shoot again, but someone ran and covered her small body with theirs. Bucky grunted as the bullets hit him, his blood mixing with Wanda’s._

_Suddenly, everything rushed back in and smacked you right in the face. You stumbled, as if physically hurt, and screamed. Taking out your smaller gun, you shot in every direction as you ran towards their slumped bodies._

_“Sam!” You called out. “I need cover now!”_

_“Right behind you,” he answered, gunshots ringing out above you._

_Please have a pulse, please, not them._

_You almost slumped over in relief when they both moaned at being moved._

_“Natasha, Steve, cover us. Sam, I need to you transport Bucky back to the jet – he’s too heavy for me.”_

_Without responding, Sam dove for Bucky and disappeared within seconds._

_You shoved your arms under Wanda’s arms and managed to get half-way to shelter when your bad shoulder gave out. You cursed, falling down at the sudden rush of pain. You tried to push it down but your entire arm was all but limp._

_Agent Choi ran, her hair billowing, and she tucked half of Wanda under her arm._

_“Let’s go!”_

_Grateful, you took the order and ran. You propped a groaning Wanda against a small shed, the bullets raining down on the other side._

_“Damn,” Agent Choi said, slumping to the ground. “I’m hit.”_

_You turned towards her, your eyes looking for an entrance wound. You pushed her over, pulling her torn shirt aside and found no exit wound._

_“Fuck,” you cursed, “fucking shit, fuck!”_

_“There’s no exit,” she mumbled, her speech slurring._

_“No,” you pulled off your jacket and slammed it onto the rapidly bleeding wound. “Pressure, you need to put pressure on it. Choi! Stay awake dammit, keep your eyes on me. That’s an order Agent! Open your eyes - Choi!”_

“Hey,” Natasha’s voice pulled you out of your spiral, your chest starting to heave again. “Hey – what did I say?”

“It’s not my fault,” you mumbled, memories still swarming in your head.

You could see Choi introducing herself to you two years ago. You saw her doting husband and her curious daughter.

Natasha ducked to catch your eyes. “It is _not_ your fault. Everyone knew what they were going into and the consequences of those actions. This isn’t a reflection on your leadership skills. I was the Commander of your rescue mission and you ended up in a coma for two months. Do you think I’m a bad leader?”

“No,” you said with no hesitation – and she wasn’t. Natasha was harsh, quick tempered, and expected more from you than anyone else would, but she was a great leader.

“Exactly,” she said, her look sympathetic.

“I shouldn’t have put Wanda in that position,” you said to Natasha for the hundredth time. “It’s my-”

“Stop it,” she snapped. “It’s _not_ your fault. If it hadn’t been Wanda it would’ve been me, or Steve or Sam. Standard procedure dictates that we need someone at twelve, six and nine for optimal surveillance. You did what you were supposed to do.”

When you nodded but stayed silent.

Nicole had already talked you down from the edge of hysteria every time a machine attached to Bucky or Wanda beeped ominously.

You had to admit that you understood now, what it felt like watching someone you loved while you couldn’t do anything to help them. You’d been instantly covered in their blood, Wanda’s wounds had been deep and the smell – God, the smell – of her blood would never be gone from your memory.

You’d managed to never be present when Tony risked his life recklessly. Steve had gone through his reckless years when you were in still in college - you’d always arrived _after_ the surgeries.

Natasha had once taken a bullet for you and you don’t know how you’d forgotten that gut wrenching fear – but you’d never forget again.

Somehow, you’d always been the one getting injured and now that you had minor scrapes and cuts – you’d do anything to be the one laying on the bed instead of watching them get paler and paler.

Natasha sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Go get some sleep. We didn’t leave Mexico until they were all stable and they’ll make the flight back. We still have an hour to go.”

You tried to smile at her, grateful for her help, but your mind was filled with too much for you to sleep.

Before you could turn to walk out, Nicole popped out of the open room and crashed into you. You both took a moment to get your bearings and she grinned up at you. Her eyes were tired, her shoulders slumped, and her glasses slid down her nose – but she was smiling.

“He’s awake!”

* * *

You were _not_ going to cry, and _why_ weren’t you going to cry? You asked yourself. Because you were still the Commander and you couldn’t take another hit to your pride.

Every thought, however, promptly flew out the window the second your eyes clashed with his. Your heart jumped into your throat, your pulse roared, and you made a low wounded noise. Nothing had physically changed, he was still paler than normal and had dried blood around his forearm but, he was _awake_.

His eyes softened, his tense frown turned into a small smile and he reached out for you. You stumbled, blubbering, towards him. Tears blurred your sight but you dug your nose into his neck and inhaled deeply.

“You idiot,” you snapped. “You stupid, _moronic_ , idiot.”

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’ve had worse.”

Unsurprisingly, that did not make you feel better. You leaned back to glare at him. He tilted his head to get a better look at you and smiled when he saw your disgruntled expression.

“I love you,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“No you’re not,” you sighed, disgruntled. “Be honest, did you do that on purpose?”

Bucky huffed a laugh and immediately groaned in pain. “What are you talking about?”

“Did you throw yourself in front of a bullet to teach me a lesson about taking unnecessary risks? Because please consider me properly chastised.”

Bucky pressed his lips to your temple and you felt his smile against your skin. “I wish I was that self-sacrificing but, no. It seems like the universe saw fit to teach you that lesson.”

You turned to the ceiling and nodded. “Lessoned learned universe!”

Bucky grinned wide and your heart stuttered. How close had you come to never seeing that smile again?

“Did we get what we needed?” He asked.

Natasha nodded, her eyes sharpening to something dangerous. “Oh, we got it alright.”

Bucky’s brows rose and you squeezed his hand. “We’ll fill you in later.”

He nodded, eyes still on Natasha. “So, doc, how bad is it?” Bucky asked Nicole, who you’d forgotten was in the room.

You tried to step back but Bucky’s hold on your hand stopped you.

“It’s not too bad,” Nicole brought up her tablet, displaying the range of x-rays and scans she’d already taken of him.

With her pen, she pointed to where one of the bullets hadn’t found its way out. The other three had gone through and, unfortunately, done some bad damage to his spleen. Nicole had already gone in and temporarily stopped any bleeding. He and Agent Choi were cleared for surgery as soon as you landed.

Bucky frowned, looking around the room and looked to you. “Wanda-”

“-is fine, she is the least critical of you three,” Nicole answered for you. “She’s still unconscious, we managed to perform the surgery needed.”

“In the air?” Bucky’s brows rose up to his hairline.

Nicole nodded, looking a little pleased. “Thanks to Mr. Stark’s technology, we have ways. We’re still a bit out but, we have a team prepping for surgery upon your arrival. Agent Choi will be going in first but you’ll be right behind her.”

“Choi?” He looked to you.

You frowned but stayed quiet and he looked to Natasha.

“It’s bad,” she said and looked to Nicole. “She’s the most critical right now.”

“She’s been stabilized as best as we could accommodate. None of us feel comfortable going in with our qualifications,” Nicole explained. “I’m not a surgeon – but it should hold until we get her to one.”

You nodded and reached over to grab Bucky’s hand. You couldn’t help yourself, but you relished in his warmth. You brought your lips down to his knuckles and pressed a light kiss to the back of his hand.

Bucky looked down at you and you smiled up at him, your stomach still turning at the memory of him diving for Wanda.

“We’ll give you two a moment,” Natasha said, walking out and into Wanda’s room.

Nicole smiled and pointed to the switch by Bucky’s bed.

“Push that if you need anything,” she hung the tablet up by the door and disappeared down the hall.

“I’m sorry one of the few times I managed to get shot is during your mission-” he winced as he tried to readjust himself.

You sprung up and helped him turn onto his other side. “You’re not out of the woods yet, you have to be careful,” you said. “Please, follow their orders.”

Bucky looked down at the empty space where his left hand should’ve been and frowned.

“Is it salvageable? That one was my favorite,” he sighed.

You sat back down in your chair and nodded. “I’ll do my best when I’m back in my lab.”

“Thank you,” he smiled sluggishly, his eyes half closed.

“Does anything hurt?” You asked, worriedly looking at his vitals.

“I’m okay _iubire_ , I’m okay,” he said, tracing small circles into your palm.

You looked at him, his hair was a tangled mess – with what looked like dried blood crusted by his hairline. He was half-conscious on a hospital bed, waiting to get a bullet removed from his torso and _he_ was apologizing to _you_.

Involuntarily, your eyes started to well up. You tried your best to suppress it but a tear managed to escape.

“Doll, don’t cry,” he reached for your face and you leaned into his hand.

“I can’t help it,” you said, rubbing your eye. “I’m never going to forget the image of your body on that floor. _I’m sorry_ – you were right. I’ve always split my life between missions and the lab. I didn’t know what it was like - what it did to me when I thought you were dead. I can’t imagine what you went through with me…I-I’m _sorry_.”

Bucky smiled sadly at you. “You don’t need to apologize. I was wrong and I knew what I was doing when I signed up for this – the _Avengers_ -”

“It’s different,” you said. “It’s one thing to know it and it’s another to see it happen.”

He sighed. “I was alone for so long, I didn’t have any memories and I certainly didn’t have any hope. When you finally have it, it’s something you don’t want to lose.”

You nodded, understanding better now. It was humbling and completely terrifying all at once.

“I don’t know if this makes me want to partner with you on every mission to make sure your back is covered or to never go on a mission with you again because today was more than enough for me.”

Bucky huffed and groaned at the pain. “We can’t be partners, Steve would be devastated.”

You laughed, because it was true. Steve had always been Bucky’s partner and they worked off each other seamlessly – just like you and Wanda.

“You – you almost died,” you said after your quiet laughter had died down. The reality of the situation didn’t seem to want to stop smacking you in the face.

Your tears started up again and you rubbed your eyes, frustrated.

“I’ve almost died many times,” he answered – his stupid knowing smile on his face. You glared at him through your tears and he squeezed your hand. “It’s true and you know it. It wouldn’t have been the most painful death.”

“Have I ever told you how bad you are at being reassuring?”

Bucky smiled and closed his eyes. “But you still love me.”

You exhaled and nodded, even though he couldn’t see you.

“Yeah, I still love you.”

“Where’s my duffel?” He asked you, trying to fight off his drowsiness.

“What bag?” You asked. “You have a million, I don’t know what happened after Choi was shot. We left in a little bit of a hurry.”

He started struggling to sit, groaning at the pain. You pushed his shoulders down and hissed. “Are you insane? What’s wrong with you – don’t move!”

Bucky moaned, grabbing his lower abdomen and you reached for the switch. He caught your hand and gripped it tight.

“Please, _iubire_ , promise me,” he wheezed painfully. “Please.”

“What?” You said, anxiety rising. “Promise what? Stop moving!”

Nicole ran into the room, looking at his bandages and prepared a syringe.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” you told her. “He was fine before he started trying to sit up.”

“He might be irritated because of all the meds, I’m giving him a mild sedative before he tears out his temporary stitches,” she said.

Bucky ignored you both, he grabbed your hand and pulled you to him. “I need that bag, _promise_ ,” he insisted.

“Okay, Buck, I promise!”

* * *

“Where is it?” You muttered to yourself, searching the infirmary for his duffel bag. Your hand touched something wet and you closed your eyes.

You were _not_ going to throw up.

“Please don’t be blood,” you said. “ _Please_.”

You opened your eyes and looked at your hand, trying not to imagine what it could be. You ran to the sink and carefully washed your hands.

Bucky had woken up right as you were landing. The surgical team had run on board before the ramp even fully opened. They’d started wheeling him out when he’d grabbed your hand and reminded you about his bag.

“You promised,” he said, right as they wheeled him away.

You were going to _smother_ Bucky when he woke up. You couldn’t find his stupid duffel anywhere. There was a myriad of bags that had been left behind and none of them were his. Your stupid conscience wouldn’t let you leave the jet without it.

“Okay, think, think, think,” you said out loud. “When was the last time you saw him with it?”

 _Before the ambush_ , you realized. _He’d pushed it into the lockers under the benches in the main cabin!_ You ran to the bench you’d seen him on last and pushed in his code.

The door slid open and you almost cried out at the sight of his navy duffel. You didn’t want to know why this was so important, but you didn’t care right now. Choi was probably being prepped for surgery and he’d be next any minute now.

You stood quickly and slammed into the wall on your bad shoulder that you saw stars for a moment. Looking down, you realized the strap had gotten snagged on the latch and you growled. Your shoulder throbbed and you didn’t have the patience for this anymore.

“Are you _kidding_ me right now?” You yelled at it. “Come _on_!”

With one hard pull, the strap came loose. However, so did the zipper and all the contents of the bag. You dropped to the bench and groaned.

“Okay universe, _I get it_ , you hate me,” you grumbled, picking everything up. 

You packed a frightening, but unsurprising, amount of weapons back into the duffel, along with a few shirts, his wallet, and keys. You leaned over to see if anything had fallen under the bench and sighed when you saw a few more items.

You got onto your knees and patted around blindly. When you felt the closest thing, you swept your arm towards you and a few things slid out.

“What?” You picked up a worn looking piece of paper with distinct feminine handwriting.

_Bucky & Becca Coney Island, July 1941_

Turning the paper over, you realized it was a photograph. A familiar brunette was on Bucky’s back, her arms around his neck and a wide grin on her face.

Bucky, however, looked entirely different. It was his expression, you realized, the smile was carefree – in a way that wasn’t weighed down by guilt.

“1941,” you said, “that was right before he was conscripted.”

You smiled down at the photograph, tracing Bucky’s face.

This must’ve been what he’d wanted to make sure he didn’t lose. He had few photographs of his family, most of the ones you’d managed to find were of the Howling Commandos.

Before you stood, a black box hiding beside the locker door caught your eye. You frowned and ducked to reach for it.

You rubbed a hand over the old looking leather to clear the dust from it and realized it was a jewelry box. You pried it open with your index finger and inside the leather folds sat a diamond ring.

A _big_ diamond ring.

You gaped at it, your grip on the box so tight it wobbled precariously. The temperature in the cabin felt like it’d skyrocketed and you fell backwards onto your butt.

The center diamond was surrounded by multiple emeralds that formed a thin vintage design.

What the _fuck_ was Bucky doing with a ring that looked like it was worth your entire year’s salary stashed away in his duffel bag? It couldn’t – he _couldn’t_ possibly – you thought back to the gala and felt a lump form in your throat.

_Bucky patted his pockets, absently looking for something and frowning when he came up empty. “I don’t even have it. It’s in – it’s in my duffel.”_

_“Have what?” You asked._

_“It’s now or never,” he said._

_“Natasha’s told me that I was overthinking it,” he laughed humorlessly, “I guess she was right.”_

Your heartbeat pulsed in your ears and you were sure your chest was going to implode at any moment. Your other hand went to your mouth – your mind blank.

Was it hot in here? Why did your stomach hurt so badly? It felt like someone had kicked you in the diaphragm.

Was that what his mood had been about? He wanted to – he was _planning_ on – you couldn’t even finish your own thought. You looked back down to the ring in your hands.

You were so caught up in your own shock that you didn’t hear the footsteps until they were coming directly towards you.

“Kiddo, you okay? Bucky’s going under in a few minutes-” Steve came to a full stop, directly in front of you, and his eyes dropped to the ring in your hands.

“What the hell?” He asked, voice shocked.

It was that, Steve’s exclamation, that finally jolted you out of your shock.

You narrowed your eyes at him and he fidgeted.

God, he was such a bad liar for someone who lied as a profession.

When you thought back on this moment, you realized that you had to give him _some_ credit. Steve’s expression was the appropriate amount of surprised and shocked. It was always his eyes that gave him away, at least to you. They’d widened with _oh shit_ radiating from every inch.

“ _Steven Grant Rogers_ ,” you said, “don’t lie to me.”

Steve sighed and his shoulder slumped.

“He wanted it to be a surprised,” he frowned, “he’s going to be so upset.”

So it _was_ an engagement ring.

“He’s going to propose – that’s why he’s been so weird?” You said, frowning at a sudden thought. “I thought he didn’t want to get married.”

“Why’d you think that?” Steve asked, baffled. “Bucky’s always wanted to get married.”

“I-I mean, I know people from your era are generally traditional but – I know through first-hand experience that he’s against the idea.”

Steve frowned. “How?”

“Almost a year a go now, on our anniversary,” you said. “A girl had asked us for an autograph and her mom asked us if we were engaged. Bucky looked like he’d been punched in the face at the thought.”

Steve’s confused expression faded. “Of course, it’s because he’d already planned on proposing by then. You know how he gets when he’s put on the spot.”

You looked down at the ring. Bucky had gotten a _ring_. A ring to _propose_ with. A ring to propose with to _you_.

Suddenly, the room seemed to spin. Everything was just – it was too much too soon.

“I need to sit down,” you said faintly.

Steve shot you a look. “You _are_ sitting.”

“How did Bucky even get a ring?” You asked. “ _When_ did he get the ring?”

“The day after his birthday two years ago,” he said. “It was in the safety box.”

You turned to Steve so quickly your vision spun. When you’d come out of your coma a few years ago, you’d had weird memories about your time under. One of them being an address and a message from Rebecca Barnes, Bucky’s sister.

You had initially dismissed it as hallucinations but, Thor had managed to get you to look into them. You’d gone through thousands of interviews and research about coma patients with no answers. You’d searched for at least a year before finding an answer – a safety box in Peggy Carter’s name in a bank in the city.

You’d given Bucky the key for it for his birthday – but you’d been caught up in meetings and weren’t able to go with him to open it. He’d told you it was filled with photographs and small personal items from his family. He didn’t tell you about a _ring_.

“ _Rebecca_ left this for him?” Your mind was spinning, confusion evident. “She knew he was alive?”

Steve shook his head. “After I went into the ice, Peggy suspected he’d been taken. She didn’t have any proof and couldn’t get her hands on any.”

That much you knew; you’d discovered Peggy’s personal files on the old SHIELD database a few years back.

“She found Becca afterwards… she wanted to ask her about me and Bucky. Peggy was working with Howard Stark in the city and had no family here. I guess Bucky’s brothers reminded Peggy of her own. After some time, they became close friends.

Becca eventually died in her late sixties and her husband died a few years after. They didn’t have any kids and Bucky’s brothers let Peggy take a few things during their funeral, some mementos. It turned out that Becca had left Peggy her wedding ring set to give to her own daughter, if she’d wanted to. Peggy never felt comfortable giving it away so she packed it into a safety box, just in case.”

You turned back to the photograph and caught a flash of Rebecca’s mischievous smile. You knew her face, _how_ did you know her face? Before you could delve into it, the memory was starting to slip away.

“I think Peggy put it away, just in case she ended up being right. She wanted Bucky to have something of his family’s. There were a few pictures of his brothers too. I don’t think Becca ever knew.”

You thought back on the day you’d woken up from your coma, all the research you’d done with Sharon Carter to help find that safety box and you suddenly remembered a flash of familiar steel blue eyes.

_“Don’t be afraid, my name is Rebecca Barnes,” she smiled warmly. “I’m so happy to be able to meet you.”_

You straightened and turned the black box over.

_R.J.B._

Rebecca Joan Barnes.

“This was her ring,” you said softly, not looking at Steve for the answer.

_“I’m so happy he’s met you, you’re just the type of girl I hoped he’d meet. Someone who could go toe to toe with our Bucky,” she threw her head back and laughed._

_“Could you tell him something for me? I have something he’s gonna need soon. He’s ready for it now. I didn’t know who to give it to but Peggy’s always been the one who makes miracles happen. Peggy’s always known.”_

 “Peggy always knew,” you repeated.

Steve sat onto the bench next to you and sighed. “Peggy always knew,” he agreed, voice sad.

You both descended into silence. You looked back at the ring and thought about the girl who’d thought she lost her brother.

“What are you going to say?” Steve asked eventually.

You turned to glare at him and he held up his hands.

“I’ve known he’s been trying to propose for over a year, I just want to know! You can’t blame me.”

Steve’s expression softened to something that looked like a mixture of doubt and anxiety.

“What?” You asked.

“I know you’ve never been the traditional type of girl,” Steve started, voice low, “not the way we are anyway. I thought you’d probably say yes because you knew if he was asking – it meant he really wanted to do it.”

You nodded, you probably would’ve.

“But, after what happened in Houston - I thought you’d say no, I knew he was thinking of rushing into it that night at the gala. Now, with Bucky getting shot I’m worried you’ll-” his voice cut off but you knew what he was trying to say.

You’d had the biggest fight of your relationship so far and now he was being prepped for surgery to remove a bullet from his torso. He’d almost bled out and you knew Steve was worried you’d only say yes _because_ he was hurt.

“Technically, I haven’t been asked,” you said weakly.

Steve shot you a look. “You know what that is, you know who it belonged to. This is – this is _huge_ for him. You should’ve seen his face when he opened that safety box. ”

You turned back to the ring inside the little box. The diamond winked at you, the sparkle indescribably inviting. You couldn’t bring yourself to touch the actual ring but you held out your hand and tried to picture wearing it.

“I know Bucky’s been working on communicating, on his temper, and his nightmares. You gotta know,” Steve caught your eyes, “if he’s being brave enough to ask for your hand, it’s because he wants it more than anything.”

You bit your lip. “I know that’s how it was done back in your day – but, in my era, marriage doesn’t mean eternal love. It’s _just_ a piece of paper.”

You couldn’t help but think back on your mom. She’d always been alone, your father having hurt her deeply, and told you to be careful with your heart. You thought about Tony and his tumultuous relationship with Pepper. You thought back on all the weddings you’d been to, half of your friends already divorced. Was it worth it?

“I know,” Steve took your hand. “Just because it’s what he wants, doesn’t mean it’s what you need to do.”

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, that I don’t want a life with him,” you said defensively.

“I know, kiddo, I know,” Steve said.

You looked back to the ring and felt the lump in your throat grow.

“I don’t know,” you said solemnly. “I don’t know what I’d say.”

You could honestly cry. This had been the wrong moment to find out - Bucky was about to go into surgery and Wanda was in recovery. You’d need to be debriefed and write a million follow up reports. You didn’t even know if Choi would make it through surgery.

Frustrated with your indecision, you wanted to throw something. You didn’t seem to know much these days. Your fight had triggered something inside you and started a never-ending avalanche that you didn’t know how to escape from or stop.

The blame did not fall solely onto Bucky’s shoulders. You’d always felt the need to prove yourself, for what felt like your entire life now.

Your accomplishments were always attached to someone else - Tony’s daughter, Black Widow’s protégé, Dr. Banner’s co-writer, Stark’s discovered prodigy, the Director of Stark labs, the illusive Winter Soldier’s girlfriend – the wheel spun around and around.

Even before all of this had started, before the infamous science fair where you met Pepper and your life had changed forever – you were the little girl who’s father didn’t care enough to stay.

You were that hard-working nurse’s odd daughter.

Steve frowned but nodded. “Well, that’s the best answer for right now…” He sighed again. “He really is going to be upset that you found out.”

You spun around to face him. “Steve, you _cannot_ tell him that I know.”

He froze, his eyes widening.

“No, I can’t keep another secret!”

“ _Steven_!” You exclaimed. “You need to give me some time – you can’t tell him I found the ring – I need to think! I’m coming down from the adrenaline and Bucky’s in surgery and-”

“Then you shouldn’t have told me!” He shouted, voice high and panicked.

“I _didn’t_!” You hissed. “You walked in on me getting sucker punched by the ring!”

Steve sighed, frustrated and ran a hand through his hair.

You reached out and placed your hand on his forearm. “ _Please_ , Steve, you can’t tell him I know yet.”

He eyed you and you must’ve looked as anxious and panicked as you felt because his glare softened.

“ _Alright_ , I won’t tell him.”

This time around, you heard the footsteps the minute they were coming towards you. You snapped the box closed and tucked it into Bucky’s duffel just as Sam came around the corner.

“Rogers, did you find- what are you two doing?” Sam asked, eyeing you and Steve warily.

You looked over to see Steve standing straight, his eyes wide, and shoulders stiff. You fought the urge to sigh and resolved to have Natasha teach him to get better at lying.

“Nothing,” you told Sam. “I was feeling a little overwhelmed with everything, what’s up?”

“Romanov sent me to get you two, Barnes is prepped for surgery.”

* * *

You walked into the OR where from behind the glass, you could see Bruce and Tony pointing at Bucky’s numerous scans and charts.

You could see Wanda lying on her bed in the adjacent room, Pepper pressing a cold pack to her head, and Sam cracking a joke that made them both smile.

Steve stood beside you, watching the nurses prepare for surgery. They prepared his anesthesia and pulled the mask towards his face but he pushed it away. His head popped up unsteadily; he searched the room and caught your eyes.

He shot you a wobbly, little smile.

 _I love you_ , he mouthed.

You thought of the ring in the duffel by your feet. The ring that was almost a hundred years old, that belonged to his sister, and that he’d been carrying around for almost a year. You thought about how much you loved him and how your love was bigger than your fear.

You pressed your fingers to your lips and then to the glass and smiled sadly. He laid his head down, finally letting the nurse do her job.

Natasha came up next to you and squeezed your other hand.

“You okay?”

You looked around, your entire family coming together to help you pick up the pieces – as they always did.

It hit you then, just because they’d helped you become who you were today didn’t mean you weren’t your own person. You weren’t the echoes of the people that had taught you, nor lived in the shadows of those who’d guided you.

Confidence in yourself was good but arrogance _did_ get people killed. It was okay to second guess yourself, it was natural and encouraged.  It _wasn’t_ okay to let the fear paralyze you into never making a decision.

The fact that you had so many identities, multiple places, positions, and people that you belonged to, it wasn’t a liability – it was what made you…you. They helped you be stronger, better than who you would’ve been without it.

Yes, Tony had helped you grow into who you were but, you had done the work yourself. Bruce guided you through your projects, but you stayed up night after night getting your work _just_ right. Natasha trained you relentlessly for years, but you were the one that woke up every morning and you were the one who put in the time to learn. It was _Stark_ Industries but that was your lab, your team, and _your_ research.

And yes, you were the Winter Soldier’s girlfriend but he belonged to you too.

You watched the surgeon wash his hands diligently, he scrubbed methodically and with precision.

Bucky had a lot of defects – you weren’t blind to them. He could be mean when overwhelmed and his bite was painful when he was cornered. He had a hard time processing his emotions, he hated asking for help, and didn’t often know how to admit to his mistakes.

But he was kind, kinder than anyone you knew. He saw all the broken parts within you, within anyone, and never judged. He was unwaveringly loyal and would die for those he cared about.

You looked back down, at the duffel at your feet and thought about it – _really_ thought about it – since finding the ring.

Bucky wasn’t indestructible, no matter how much everyone thought he was, when you cut him, he bled. If you got married, your lives wouldn’t change much. You’d both still be agents, you’d both still be in danger.

He got lucky again this time, but there could be a day where the right gun pointed in the right place and shot at the right time. _You_ should’ve died two years ago. You could’ve died three weeks ago. Your lives were filled with near misses.

You thought back to Steve’s unspoken fear and you turned from the surgery as the doctor brought out the scalpel.  

But you knew – with certainty – that if Bucky died it would be one of the worst pains you’d ever go through. You would never forget it and never love someone how you loved him.

James Buchanan Barnes was the absolute love of your life but…the world would still spin, life would still go on, and you would eventually move forward – just like your mother did.

However, you weren’t going to let this slip through your fingers. You were going to be braver than your mother, just like she’d taught you to be.

You wanted this, you wanted this with _him_ and you hoped the universe was kind enough to let you have it until you were old and grey.

A gentle touch pulled you from your world-shattering epiphany.

“Zaika?” Natasha asked, her tone worried.

So you knew, then. You _knew_.

“Yes,” you said quietly.

Natasha looked confused but you turned to Steve.

He furrowed his brows and leaned, just the slightest bit, towards you.

“Kiddo?”

“ _Yes_ ,” you said again, voice louder and unwavering – just like your James.

Understanding took over his confusion and Steve smiled so wide that his split lip began to bleed again.

You couldn’t help but return his smile.

“My answer would be _yes_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys believe this was the start of _Your Heart Is All I Own?_ I wrote one of the middle scenes on a train ride to work one day when I hadn’t even finished outlining _It All Started With._
> 
> And now it’s out there! A year later!
> 
> /mindblown/
> 
> I couldn’t help myself and included a few hidden nuggets from the previous parts of this series. If you don’t get them, it’s okay, I promise you didn’t miss anything too crucial. 
> 
> Also, I have no idea if Rebecca Barnes' middle name was Joan but it was a popular name in the 20s. My proofreading was a bit - non-existent - this time around. So hopefully there's nothing too out of place.
> 
> See y’all soon! (hopefully?) Thank you for the feedback!


	5. Attempt No. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I'm gonna have to apologize for this chapter. I haven't been able to proofread it to the best of my (bad) abilities. There may be some grammar errors (more than normal, woops.) If you see any, point them out and I'll try my best to fix it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“You know, I regret ever finding that ring,” you told Steve.

“ _Sh_!” He said, looking around the gym, as if someone were hiding behind the elliptical.

“He’s busy with Natasha - _are you listening to me?”_ You threw another punch.

Steve sighed and dodged easily, “Yes. You hate _him_ , you hate the _ring_ , and you hate _me_.”

You huffed and crossed your arms, feeling like a child throwing a tantrum – but you couldn’t help it.

It’d been six months since you’d found Rebecca’s ring in Bucky’s duffel.

_Six. Months_.

At this rate, you’d be celebrating another anniversary before it happened.

Secretly, you were scared he’d changed his mind. What if he’d realized you were too much to deal with for forever? You always tended to overreact and to get a little too involved with your projects but, you’d been raised around _Tony_ ; that couldn’t have come as such a surprise.

What if your last fight had been too much for him? _God_ , your mind never stopped.

What if _that_ was something that got on his nerves?

_Ugh._

A few months ago, you didn’t even like the idea of marriage – in fact, you would’ve sworn you wouldn’t ever get married. It figures that the second you accepted it, the opportunity disappeared.

You’d thought of proposing yourself but Steve had talked you out of it every time.

_“This is the twenty first century Steven,” you said, “women can propose.”_

_“It’s not because of that,” Steve shook his head adamantly. “Kiddo, you cannot propose to him. He’s been planning this since he found the ring – that’s over a year. He’s been trying to get it perfect and you gotta give it to him.”_

You’d begrudgingly agreed to wait for him to find the right moment. You didn’t think you’d _still_ be waiting – now, you’d graduated from nervous to overly anxious.

Maybe you should tell Steve…he was the only other person who could understand your predicament. It was self-indulgent to want his affirmations but at this point, you didn’t care.

Before you could find the words, he straightened and tilted his head.

“Bucky and Natasha are on their way,” he said, shooting you a look that said, _this conversation is over._

“You both look like puppies when you do that,” you said in retaliation, sticking out your tongue.

Steve rolled his eyes and huffed, picking up all the weights you’d both left on the ground.

 “ _Zaika_ ,” Natasha’s voice echoed in the large room, her hair pulled back tightly and you recognized the determined look on her face.

“Nat,” you smiled. “I’m a little insulted that you didn’t come see me the second you landed. Clearly, I’m old news.”

Natasha smiled but shot you a look, one you dutifully ignored.

“Don’t be insulted, _iubire_ ,” Bucky gave you a quick kiss on the cheek. “She’s been busy enjoying torturing me.”

“Men are such babies,” Natasha said. “You should’ve seen this one during her recovery. I usually had to drag her _out_ the gym.”

You smiled and couldn’t help but stand a little taller at her praise.

Natasha was the go-to person whenever a team member had received significant injury and needed rehab after. She was brutal but knew your limits. She’d been busy helping Agent Choi with her rehab in upstate. However, by the look of Bucky’s tired expression, you knew they were coming for more physical therapy.

Thanks to his super-serum, he’d recovered from the bullet wound easily. Natasha, however, wasn’t taking any chances. Bucky had told you that he wished he hadn’t agreed but Natasha was relentless.

“Yeah but we’re just mortals, you can’t compare us to her,” Steve joked.

You grinned and Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Alright, clear out, I can’t have any distractions,” Natasha instructed, shooting you and Bucky a pointed look.

Steve grinned. “Aw, Nat, I didn’t know I held that type of power over you.”

You laughed, surprised at Steve’s joke and Natasha huffed.

“I’ll kick you Rogers, I’ll do it,” she threatened.

Steve smiled, grabbed his duffel and pointed to the door. You nodded and packed up your things at a slower pace.

“So,” Bucky dropped onto a bench beside you and you smiled.

“Yes?”

“What’re you doing next week?”

You tried to think through your upcoming week and shook your head. “Nothing important, depends on the day. Why?”

“It’s short notice but, what do you think about Mexico?”

You frowned. “The country?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, historically-” Bucky quickly held up a hand and you stopped.

“Doll, I mean as a _vacation_.”

“What?” You asked, jaw dropping. “Did you just ask me what I think you’re asking?”

Bucky shot you a small smile. “I know it’s a little sudden but Tony said we could use his place down there. I think it’d be a nice change of scenery – and I’m not back on active duty until the week after for the Cat Two mission.”

You gaped.

“Are you serious?”

He nodded, exasperatedly. “It’s not _that_ out of character-”

You snorted. “I never thought I’d see the day that Bucky Barnes took a _voluntary_ vacation.”

“Alright, alright,” he stood up, turning towards an impatiently looking Natasha. “You on board?”

“Of course,” you turned his attention back to you and kissed him deeply.

He smiled wide and squeezed your shoulder. “See you in a few.”

You all but floated out of the gym, your head up in the clouds.

Steve was waiting for you by the end of the hall and you bounced up to him. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“We’re going on vacation!”

He quirked an eyebrow. “We?”

“Bucky and I,” you said, twirling around him, too excited to stand still.

Steve watched you, bemused. “That’s exciting.”

You grinned. “As if you didn’t already know-” you stopped suddenly.

“What?” He asked, surprised by your sudden stillness.

“Steve!” Your smile stretched so wide, it was just shy of painful. “This is it! The _moment_!”

“What moment?”

You sighed and dragged him down the hall. “The moment to propose! It’s the right set-up!”

As the elevator doors closed, you caught a flash of nervousness in Steve’s expression but it quickly morphed into a grimace.

“I don’t want to rain on your parade…”

You stopped jumping in place and turned to him warily. “What now?”

“I don’t think he’s planning on proposing on the trip.”

“Why?” Your mind started to race. “What has he told you? Does he…did he change his mind?”

Your voice sounded small and you hated yourself for it.

Steve frowned and shot you an incredulous look. “Of course not, why would he – _Jesus_.”

You heard him mutter a few choice words about Bucky and you felt yourself heat up. Avoiding his gaze, you busied yourself with rifling through your bag.

“Hey,” he waited until you looked at him. “One of the stones came loose.”

“What?” You asked, your thoughts going quiet.

Steve smiled. “One of the stones came loose, it’s an old ring, and you know how he is. He sent it to someone in the city to get it fixed. It won’t be back until a few days after you two have already left.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, your hopes crashing.

“ _Yeah_ ,” he stressed, “I’m the one he threatened, _multiple times_ , if I wasn’t here to sign for it.”

You frowned. So, he still wasn’t proposing – but he was getting the ring fixed, which meant he couldn’t have changed his mind.

Not knowing how to feel, you sighed and nodded.

As you walked back to your apartment to pack, you chastised yourself. Bucky had planned a vacation – a spontaneous one no less – and you were moping about a ring. You’d both needed this time alone and you’d be damned if you weren’t going to enjoy it.

* * *

“You know,” you turned to face Bucky, “if someone would’ve told me that I’d go on two vacations within the span of a year, I would’ve laughed in their face.”

Bucky smiled and reached out to brush his thumb across your jaw. “I’m glad you like it here.”

“Like it? I _love_ it.”

Tony had long ago purchased a – surprisingly small – private bungalow on a beach in Mexico.

The bungalow was one of a few that were widely spaced apart along the coast. Your nearest neighbor was a few miles down the beach and, a large resort was just visible on the other side.

You had full access and the same amenities as the hotels there – _which_ , you had already set your eyes on a shiatsu massage.

“So, what’re the plans for the rest of the afternoon?” You asked, adjusting your sunglasses.

“Plans?” He asked. “I thought we were just going to lay here.”

You lowered your glasses and shot him a look. Bucky grinned and shook his head.

“I was interested in going for a hike, maybe catch the sunset?” He asked and shrugged. “If you don’t want to-”

“Of course, we took this trip to be together, didn’t we?” You smiled at him.

“I’ll bring a snack?”

You sat up, turned to look at him over your shoulder, and grinned. “I hope it’s of the chocolate variety.”

Picking up the few things you’d brought out to the beach chairs, you carefully placed them into your tote bag. Feeling his eyes on you, you looked up at him.

“What?” You asked, hand going to your head. “Do I have sand in my hair?”

Bucky was watching you, his small smile growing, and just shook his head.

“Nothing, I’m – glad that we did this,” he reached out and snagged your left hand, “that you said yes.”

A small piece of hope bubbled up to the surface – was he – no, he couldn’t be….but it did sound strangely like a set up for – _no_. You shook your head. No, Steve said he wasn’t bringing the ring and that was that.

\----

“I always forget,” you said, a hand pressed to your side where it was faintly throbbing.

“Forget what?” Bucky asked, a few steps ahead of you on the trail.

“That you’re juiced up with super soldier serum. How did that last climb not even wind you?” You stopped and inhaled deeply, trying to dislodge the stitch in your side.

Bucky turned back around and smiled. “Only _you_ forget,” he reached out and took your hand. “C’mon, it’ll be worth it. We’re almost there.”

After a few minutes, you reached the cliff’s edge and couldn’t help but gasp.

“Holy shit,” you breathed, “this is beautiful.”

The forest trail had led to a cliff with a view of the gulf. The sun was only just starting to lower onto the horizon, casting a warm light on the cliffs and sand below.

“How did you find this?” You asked.

Bucky had already sat down and was rummaging through his backpack.

“Pepper.”

You couldn’t help yourself, you took your phone out and snapped a few pictures. You went to send some to Wanda but frowned when you remembered.

“I forgot how crappy our signal is,” you huffed and sat down next to him. “I can’t believe Tony hasn’t updated the Wi-Fi back at the bungalow either. I _actually_ cannot believe it, he doesn’t go anywhere without reliable service.”

“Like father like daughter?” Bucky joked.

You shot him a look and he laughed.

“He said himself that he’s been meaning to sell this place. You have to admit, it isn’t exactly Stark’s taste.”

“You’re right,” you conceded. “I wonder why he’s kept it so long. He has a condo closer to the city center.”

“I like the quiet,” Bucky said.

“Me too,” you bumped your shoulder with his.

“Your shoelace is untied,” Bucky pointed out as he brought out a chocolate bar and you grinned.

“The good stuff!” You snatched it and peeled open a corner.

Bucky laughed and motioned to the sunset. “Most people would consider mother nature ‘the good stuff.’”

You shrugged.

“I’m a simple girl,” you said around a bite and offered him a piece.

He took a big bite, his teeth scraping the wrapper. You frowned as he took half the bar with him.

“You know, I can tell sometimes what kind of big brother you were,” you told him, cradling the remaining small pieces of chocolate protectively.

Bucky laughed and nodded.

“Becca would probably agree with you,” he said.

Your heart jumped at the mention of Rebecca.

“You know, she would’ve loved you,” Bucky said with a sad smile on his face. “She would’ve found it hilarious that you don’t take any of my crap.”

“Yeah?”

He looked at you and intertwined your fingers. “Yeah. She hated the girls I used to take on dates, said they were too busy admiring me to like the real me. ‘Said I needed someone who would challenge me.”

“Hey,” you said, “are you saying I’m difficult?”

Bucky huffed a laugh and turned to you. “Yeah, sometimes, but I love it. I love that everyone was always afraid to call me out on my shit and you’ve never been – not even at the very start. You put everyone into their place and make sure they know not to do it again. I love that you throw yourself into everything with your whole heart. You never do anything half-heartedly.”

“Buck…”

He smiled and kissed you. “I’m so happy you chose me to be difficult with.”

You smiled at him, touched.

“Before we go back,” he squeezed your hands and your heart slammed harder against your ribs.

Bucky dropped to one knee, his eyes looking up at you with a warm smile and you felt a lump form in your throat.

You pressed a hand to your chest to try to keep your heart steady.

“Oh Buck-” your voice broke, you blinked rapidly to try to keep the tears at bay.

You felt a faint tug at your feet and you leaned over to look over his broad shoulders.

“There,” Bucky said, standing up just as quickly as he’d kneeled.

“What?” You looked down, your loose shoelace had been double-knotted.

“You didn’t retie it and with our luck you’ll snap an ankle if you leave it,” he pulled his backpack on and started for the trees. “Let’s go, before it gets dark out. I heard the restaurant down by the boardwalk has good steak…”

Bucky quickly disappeared through the trees and you blinked.

“What just happened?” You said to yourself.

Wasn’t he going to propose? You thought to yourself. Did you imagine that – no, that was a set up! He _kneeled_ for God’s sake.

But Steve _had_ said…maybe the plans had changed?

You looked in the direction Bucky had walked off and frowned. Clearly, they hadn’t.

“ _Iubire_?” His voice called out, concerned.

Straightening, you picked up your small pack and shook your head. You buried the tiny seed of disappointment and took one last glance at the horizon.

Bucky called out your name second time, his voice closer.

“Yeah, I’m going,” you answered.

* * *

You’d decided that you had let your imagination get the best of you. Bucky was being sweet and your mind had gone into overdrive, per usual. You were just projecting – a fact you need to remind yourself multiple times throughout the week.

After using a few muscles you hadn’t known existed during scuba diving, you’d both agreed to take a dip in the hot tub.

You eased into the bubbling hot water and groaned when your muscles relaxed.

“Buck – this is _amazing_ , you need to get in here,” you called out.

You looked out towards the ocean, the sky had already started to turn orange and pink. Taking a mental picture, you smiled as you soaked up the last bit of sunlight.

“Hey, can you turn on a few lights back here? Once you’re in here you won’t want to come out and it’s going to get dark soon,” you asked him.

A second later, the string lights draped across the fence lit up. The low pool lights shone bright enough to put you at ease.

“Is that good or do you want some more on?” Bucky asked.

“No that’s good,” you answered.

Bucky came out through the sliding door, his swimming trunks low on his hips, holding two bottles of beer and bunched up towels under his arm.

You grinned and made grabby hands at him.

“I’ll start grilling our dinner soon, I thought you could use a drink,” he said, handing you your drink.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best?” You asked.

“Yes, but it’s always nice to hear,” he smiled.

Bucky groaned as he eased into the water and you laughed.

“It’s great, we need ten of these back home,” you leaned back into the water and let the jets massage your sore muscles.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out doll?” Bucky asked again, his head tilted. “I’m sure the hotel has a good restaurant.”

“Are you trying to get yourself out of cooking?” You opened an eye and looked at him.

Bucky huffed. “No, but I cook for you all the time at home – I just thought you’d want something different.”

You shook your head.

“I’ll never want anything different from this,” you said, a little more seriously than you’d intended.

Bucky blinked at you for a moment before giving you a small smile. “Me neither.”

You grinned, happiness practically pouring out of you.

Slowly, Bucky made his way towards you, his hands coming to your hips. You yelped as he pulled you upwards and settled you on his lap. You straddled him and he pulled you closer to his chest.

Looking pleased, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. Your hands were at his shoulders and you quirked an eyebrow.

“Comfortable?”

“Very,” he said, smirking.

“I’m glad _you_ are.”

Bucky laughed lightly and traced your collarbone, making you shiver. His mouth latched itself to your neck, worrying the skin there.

Your eyes fluttered closed and your grip on him tightened.

“If you give me a hickey…” you warned.

You could feel Bucky’s answering smile against your shoulder.

“We’re going on an assignment when we get back,” you remind him as his bites got sharper, “one where I need to be in a gown – _ah_ \- mind you.”

Any rational thought was leaving your mind, your brain turning into mush as his hands got lower and lower.

Suddenly, he stopped and you opened your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, glancing around for a threat out of habit.

The sun had set completely by now but the lights gave you assurance that you were alone.

“Nothing,” Bucky smiled and his hand came up to cup your cheek.

You put your hand over his and frowned. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, his thumb rubbing the skin under your eye. He stared at you, his pupils wide.

“I love you,” he said quietly, as if to himself, “I don’t know how I ever convinced you to stick around the likes of me.”

You smiled. It was a cliché but your stomach still fluttered when he said it like that.

“I love you too,” you kissed his stubble. “It wasn’t easy – we got it wrong a lot of times before we got it right.”

Bucky straightened at that, his eyes getting a far away look.

“What?” You asked, “I was joking, I promise.”

“Nothing,” he shook his head, attention coming back to you. “No you’re right, we have the tendency to get it wrong a few times.”

You couldn’t help it, you really couldn’t, but your mind went to the ring. You thought back on all the times he’d tried to propose and you sighed.

“Yeah, we do.”

He nudged you and you looked at him.

“But we get it right eventually.”

_God, you hoped so._

You smiled and kissed jaw. “Yeah, we always get it right eventually.”

“I actually wanted to ask you something-”

Bucky leaned back, towards the deck and rummaged around the towels, pulling a small familiar black box out. Your heart stopped.

Was this – was he –             

He kept the small box out of the water and smiled at you.

_Oh my God_.

“You know I love you right?” He asked.

You nodded dumbly.

He grinned and opened the box. You saw a flash of green and your heart soared.

You were ready to scream _yes, finally, yes!_ When the words got stuck in your throat.

Lying in the velvet folds of the box, were a pair of jade earrings. It took all the training you had to keep your expression from falling.

“You loved the sea glass the instructor was wearing earlier, I asked her where she got it and I went down to the shop on my way to the supermarket. I saw the green and thought they’d look good against your hair,” he said.

Feeling guilty for your disappointment – you beamed at him.

“I love them,” you said honestly, “thank you, that’s so sweet.”

Bucky smiled, pleased, and kissed you. “I’m going to get out and shower. We need to start grilling before it gets too late.”

You nodded, grip on the box tight and smiled at him. “I’m going to stay here for a bit.”

“Alright, yell if you need something,” he kissed you again and hopped out the tub.

Waiting until he was back inside the bungalow, you looked down at the earrings.

They _were_ beautiful and it _was_ an incredibly sweet gesture. You just – you’d done it again, projected your own feelings onto the situation and misread everything.

You huffed, frustrated with yourself.

They gleamed, even in the low light, and you could feel them mocking you.

_What, did you think it was going to be that easy?_

Sighing, you sat back and groaned.

\----

A few hours later, you were both stuffed and lying in a tangled pile on a hammock.

“I don’t know if the swinging is a good idea,” you said as the wind swayed you two a little. “I ate enough for three people.”

Bucky laughed and groaned afterward. You both settled into silence, your eyes fluttering closed when you heard something.

“What’s that?” You asked, a few seconds later.

“What’s what?” Bucky asked, his eyes closed, already half asleep.

You strained your ears and realized it was music. House music, to be precise.

“You don’t hear that?” You nudged him.

Bucky opened an eye and tilted his head. “The music?”

Suddenly, the music increased in volume, enough to make Bucky wince.

“I thought the nearest neighbor was a few miles down either side?” You asked, unconsciously nodding your head along to a song you recognized.

“It is,” Bucky frowned.

“ _Damn_ ,” you said, “I have to find out what speakers they have.”

“It’s a bunch of kids, I saw them unpacking earlier,” Bucky grumbled. “What kind of music is this?”

You stifled a laugh. Steve and Bucky had both always been so unimpressed with any overly pop music. Steve was a little more amendable but Bucky always frowned, unconvinced with most modern music.

“Relax grandpa,” you joked. “It’s probably a bunch of college students on break, let them have their fun.”

Bucky’s frown deepened and you couldn’t help but laugh. You bopped your foot to the beat and hummed as you swayed with the breeze.

The hammock swung wildly and you startled as Bucky stood up.

“Aw come on, don’t leave me here,” you said, “the music isn’t that bad.”

“I wasn’t, I was going to pick you up and take you with me,” Bucky said, hands reaching for you.

You skirted around his hands and laughed at his growl.

“Dance with me,” you said, jumping a bit in the sand.

Bucky took a few steps closer to you, crossed his arms and shook his head.

“Are you really going to just stand there, looking like a grumpy old man?” You asked, putting your hands on your hips.

At that, Bucky’s mouth twitched and you smiled.

The upbeat music switched to something slower, a song you recognized.

_I found a love for me_

“Ah,” you said, pointing towards the music, “see, it’s a slow song. The universe wants you to dance with me.”

“This isn’t slow,” Bucky grumbled, letting you pull him out.

You rolled your eyes. “It’s a remix of a slow song, good enough!”

With a small smile, Bucky huffed and pulled you into his chest. You stumbled and grinned when you started moving side to side. He laughed when he caught sight of your wide grin and shrugged.

_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms_

“I’m a sucker for a pretty face,” he said, kissing your temple.

You nestled your head below his chin and let him take the lead.

“ _But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own,”_ you sang along softly, looking up at him, “ _and in your eyes you're holding mine.”_

Bucky smiled and brought his forehead down to yours.

“I think this may be my favorite vacation so far,” you told him quietly.

And it was – despite your own internal conflict, you knew Bucky loved you and that would always be more than enough.

“Me too,” he said.

Bucky’s grip on you loosened and he twirled you under his arm. You laughed, surprised, and let him bring you back to his side after a few turns.

_When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath  
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight _

Bucky hummed along to the beat and you reared back, mouth open.

“I thought this music was nonsense,” you said teasingly.

His ears went pink and you gaped.

“You _do_ know it!”

“It’s a good song,” he shrugged, “Wanda always controls the music when we work out.”

“ _Sure_ ,” you said, winking. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Bucky laughed loudly and your heart, as it always did when he laughed unabashedly, skipped a beat. He shook his head and brought you closer to his chest.

“Well, since you know my secret, now I have to kill you,” he said.

You gasped loudly, “Oh no, please, I promise not to tell anyone.”

He snorted. “Why do I not believe that?”

“Natasha’s going to tease you for _years_ ,” you said, “and it’s your own fault. I love Ed Sheeren. I’ll make a playlist for you to listen to on our assignment next week.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and looked towards the ocean, the full moon bright in the sky.

“Do you…ever get worried?” He asked tentatively.

“About what?” You furrowed your brows, trying to follow his line of thought.

“Our jobs, the _Avengers_ ,” you could hear the quotations around it, “I know we’ve moved on passed the Coahuila Mission but...”

You stilled, surprised at the topic. You _had_ been worrying about that – ever since you’d found the ring those months ago. You’d worried about finally getting married and losing him. The Avengers wasn’t exactly an office job.

You’d been mad at him for overreacting when you’d gotten hit but seeing him unconscious after _he’d_ been hit – you’d barely slept or ate throughout his recovery.

“I think,” you started gently, “that we both love what we do. We’re saving people from becoming, well, _us_. Saving them from our bad experiences but…we need to be careful not to give too much. That’s why Tony started the new system for missions. We would’ve never been able to take a vacation before – not with my work in the lab, and now look at us.”

Bucky nodded.

“I know it’s different for you, physically, but I’m going to get old one day,” you joked, “I won’t be able to do this forever. So, I want to help while I can. It’s a risk we’re taking knowingly but, we’re learning to ease off sometimes right? Like Clint.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “It’s hard when war is all you’re used to.”

“Steve used to say the same thing,” you smiled half-heartedly.

“I think I want to find something else to do,” he said slowly, his eyes looking at your expression warily. “Something to split my time with, like you and Tony with your inventions. Wanda’s working at the hospital, Bruce is somewhere in South America…I want something like that.”

You smiled warmly. “I think that’s a great idea, do you know what you’d like to do?” You started swaying back and forth with the beat. “I could always use more assistants.”

Bucky laughed and shook his head. “I’d probably break everything in your lab within the first thirty seconds.”

You nodded, wincing at the thought. “Probably.”

He squeezed your side and you laughed, squirming away. “You said it first!”

“I’m not sure yet,” he said.

“We’ll figure it out,” you assured him, “together.”

Bucky buried his nose into the crook of your neck and you felt his small smile.

_We're so in love_  
_Fighting against all odds_  
 _I know we'll be alright this time_

“We should come back here,” he said eventually, “ _after_.”

“After?” You leaned back to look at him. “After what?”

Bucky smiled slowly and brought his hand up to your cheek. Your heart thumped loudly and you smiled, unsure, up at him.

“I think-”

The soft music changed abruptly to an aggressive rock song and you nearly jumped out your skin. You put a hand to your chest, your heart beating wildly.

Bucky was frowning, his brows furrowed and you smiled weakly.

“Sorry, that scared me,” you grabbed his hand and ducked to catch his eyes. “What were you saying?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. I’m just happy that you’re here with me.”

You could tell that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say but you let it go.

“Come on,” you pretended to wince, “all this noise is giving me a headache.”

Bucky laughed and followed you back into the bungalow.

“Do you want to see if something’s on?” Bucky asked, disappearing into the living room.

“Pick anything, I don’t mind,” you said on your way to the bedroom. “I’ll be a minute.”

You went into the en suite and closed the door quietly behind you.

Walking to the sink, you splashed your face with cool water and stared at your reflection in the mirror.

_“One of the stones came loose, it’s an old ring, and you know how he is. He’s sent it to someone in the city to get it fixed. It won’t be back until a few days after you two have already left.”_

You knew what Steve had said…but, you couldn’t be imagining it. Bucky had definitely been trying to propose, or at least bring up the topic. You were _not_ projecting this time.

“Maybe,” you whispered to yourself, “he’ll propose without the ring?”

“Doll?” Bucky called out.

You jumped, dried off your face, and turned off the lights.

“ _Coming_!”

* * *

The moment you woke up the next morning, you knew Bucky was gone. He’d been diligent about running every morning even while on vacation.

You sat up, your eyes still half open and frowned. You’d been fitful all night, not falling asleep until well after Bucky had.

Maybe Steve had gotten confused? Or Bucky wasn’t proposing with Rebecca’s ring? Or maybe he wasn’t giving you a ring at all.

You were _dying_ to call Steve to ask.

Picking up your phone, you groaned at the lack of signal. You stood up and made a pot of coffee.

You hauled yourself up onto the kitchen island, your mug beside you, waiting. Glancing down at your phone you almost fell off.

_A bar!_ You had one bar! You lifted your phone wildly, knowing logically that it wouldn’t help, but you couldn’t find it within you to care.

_Two bars!_

You hit Steve’s name and heard a ring.

It was ringing! Your phone was _working_!

“Rogers.”

“Steve!” You screamed happily.

“ _Kiddo! I haven’t heard - from you two– Stark says - bad signal - there. How – going – back -seashell.”_

“Steve?” You said again, his voice coming and going.

“Hello?”

Your looked at your screen but the phone beeped balefully and the call dropped.

Zero bars.

“ _Motherfu_ -”

You threw your phone onto the sofa behind you and frowned. You looked at your emergency cell phone, the one each agent had, one that would work under almost any condition. You would know, you helped invent it.

How inappropriate would it be to use it and ask for Steve? You wondered briefly before shaking your head. With your luck, Tony would show up with a full tactical team before you could even explain.

Glancing at the clock on the shelves, you knew Bucky would be back soon.

You straightened. He’d be _back_ soon.

Hopping off the counter, you ran into the bedroom and searched for his duffel bag. It was lying on its side, half-heartedly kicked aside. You dropped to your knees and rummaged through it.

Surely, if he’d brought a ring, it’d be in the same duffel – right?

A voice in the back of your head was telling you that this was an invasion of privacy and if he _had_ brought the ring, you should respect the surprise. However, the need to know you weren’t going crazy kicked that fleeting thought to the curb.

You found a few miscellaneous items, some of your own belongings, his wallet, about six fake passports, and a blank envelope. You were about to open it when you heard the back-door screech open.

Before you could shove everything back, Bucky was in the bedroom. He was shirtless, the sun glinting off his left arm.

“What’re you doing?” Bucky asked, amused.

You schooled the guilt off your expression and smiled innocently. You grabbed the first thing your hand touched and pulled it out.

A pair of sunglasses.

“I was looking for my sunglasses,” you said.

“In my bag?”

You were proud of your nonchalant shrug and flippant expression. “I couldn’t find mine, so I thought I’d take yours.”

He shook his head and shot you a half-smile.

“You up to talking a walk into town?”

* * *

“That was amazing,” you said, scraping the last bit of food off your plate.

“I can see why Pepper likes it here so much,” Bucky said, thanking the waitress as she took your empty plates.

Bucky paid and walked out the restaurant unhurriedly.

“Do you want to go back?” He asked.

You were about to nod when you caught sight of a small market a few yards away.

“Oh, look!” You pointed. “Do you mind? I could get Wanda and Clint something.”

He smiled and let you drag him towards the first stand.

“What did you want to do tonight?” You asked Bucky as you looked through some bracelets. “Our flight isn’t until tomorrow night, I thought we could hike in the morning. Tony said we need to cliff dive before we leave.”

“Do _you_ want to cliff dive?”

You shrugged, “When in Rome.”

The woman gave you a bag and you handed her a few pesos.

“ _Gracias!_ ” Smiling you turned to him, “Why? You scared?”

He narrowed his eyes and squeezed your hip, “For _you_ maybe.”

You snorted.

“I thought we could have dinner at that restaurant by the resort,” he said, picking up a small figurine to inspect.

“Which one?” You asked, putting your goodies into your tote bag. “ _La Flor_? Where Pepper knows the chef?”

Bucky nodded.

“Sure, it’s bound to be crowded though,” you said.

He shrugged and pressed a light kiss to your bare shoulder. “It’s probably worth it.”

You raised your eyebrows, suspicious, and nodded. “Sure, I’ll get all dolled up then.”

Bucky smiled and took your hand. “I’ll look forward to _after_ dinner.”

A few teenage girls next to you giggled, scurrying away and you laughed.

“Pervert,” you kissed his chin and pulled him into the next shop.

“ _Buenas tardes_ ,” a man behind a counter greeted you.

“ _Buenas_ ,” you waved.

“If you need anything, let me know,” he said in heavily accented English.

Bucky smiled and thanked him.

“Look,” you told Bucky pulling out a small brightly colored book. “This is the book our neighbors told me about.”

Bucky nodded absently, distracted by something across the store.

_Poemas de amor_

Love poems – you traced the raised letters on the cover.

“ _Es un buen libro_ ,” the man said, appearing to your left, “ _uno de mis favoritos_.”

He recommended the book as one of his favorites.

“Then I’ll get it,” you smiled, pulling out your money from your bag.

“No,” the man put his hand on yours. “For a woman as beautiful as you, I’ll give it away for free.”

You grinned, flattered. “I couldn’t-”

“You okay?” Bucky asked from behind you.

Turning, you smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m just getting this book.”

“ _Regalo para los recien casados,”_ he said, switching to Spanish.

You flushed. “ _No, no somos recien casados.”_

The man smiled kindly. “ _Tu esposo?”_

_Your husband?_ You felt your stomach flutter even at the question.

Glancing behind you, you saw Bucky waiting for you by the entrance. He could speak more languages than you could count – but you knew Spanish wasn’t his strong suit.

“No,” you said quietly, “ _todavia no, pero creo que no falta mucho.”_

The man beamed, handing you the bag for the book and clasped your hand.

“ _Les deseo felicidad, salud, y mucho amor_.”

Touched, you put your other hand atop of his and thanked him. You walked over to Bucky and took his hand.

“Come on, I think I got all I need.”

\----

“You still reading that?” Bucky asked, coming out the shower.

You’d come back from town a few hours ago and collapsed onto the bed for a nap. Afterwards, you’d been glued to the book.

“Yes,” you said, not skipping a beat.

You weren’t much of a poetry fan but, this was a collection of some of the most famous love poems from great writers. A few of them had already managed to get you teared up.

Bucky changed into a nice shirt and boxers, already getting ready for dinner. You patted the spot next to you on the foot of the bed and he huffed.

“Don’t be jealous, he was Tony’s age,” you said once he obliged and put his head in your lap.

His hair was damp but you ran your fingers through it, scratching his scalp the way you knew he liked it.

“I’m not jealous,” he said and you smiled.

“Just let me read one more, then I’ll start getting ready. I promise.”

Bucky hummed and you flipped the page. It was a Pablo Neruda sonnet, xvii.

You read it in Spanish and the translation afterward.

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where_  
I love you directly without problems or pride:      
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

_except in this form in which I am not nor are you,_  
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,  
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

“Okay, that was good,” Bucky admitted quietly.

You were quiet for a beat before turning over and laughing into a pillow.

“We’re going to miss our reservations,” he reminded you.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” you told him, putting the book aside and walking into the bathroom.

* * *

 

The first thing you noticed about _La Flor_ , is that it was clearly a popular restaurant. The second thing you noticed was that it was quite formal and you were wearing _sandals_.

“I thought you said dress casual,” you whispered to Bucky as the waitress brought you to your table.

Bucky jumped and you narrowed your eyes at him.

The third thing you’d noticed was that he was being incredibly jumpy for someone who you’d seen take a bullet in the arm without flinching.

Now that you were almost certain he _was_ trying to propose, and being his normal perfectionist self, you were watching him closely. This was your last night here but, you were suspicious of the loud environment. While you didn’t mind, you knew Bucky didn’t have a penchant for loud, crowded places.

You really couldn’t picture him asking in public but – _oh_ , what if he’d put the ring in your food? You glanced down at the empty plates in front of you warily. You really didn’t want to scarf down food and end up choking on an antique ring.

Smiling at the waitress as she handed you each a menu, you placed the napkin across your lap and hid your feet.

“ _Buen provecho,”_ she smiled politely.

“ _Muchas gracias_ ,” you both mumbled.

“Sorry,” Bucky said, wincing. “I think you look fine dressed the way you are.”

You rolled your eyes, but shrugged and glanced at the menu. “At least they let me in.”

“Of course they did,” Bucky said, “I’m pretty sure Pepper called ahead.”

“Great, now Tony’s going to give me the hundredth lecture about dressing for the occasion – _oh_ , look, they have great desserts,” your mouth was watering.

Bucky smiled at your distraction and ordered you both a few drinks. Your menus were taken and you sipped on your water, taking a cursory glance around the restaurant.

There was a live band in the corner, the music loud and lively. To their left, was a wide dance floor where multiple couples were already on their feet, dancing to the music.

It seemed to be filled with locals, but you could spot a few obvious tourists taking photos with a few art pieces they had displayed.

“Oh,” you said, remembering, “I wanted to talk to you about what you said yesterday night.”

Bucky stiffened, his shoulders straightening. “What do you mean?”

You shot him a weird look. “About finding something to do back home?”

“Right, what about it?”

“I thought about _art_.”

Bucky nodded. “Me too, I don’t think I’d be a good teacher-”

“Not teaching,” you interrupted, “just, being an artist. You could open an exhibition or put your stuff on display.”

“For money?” Bucky wrinkled his nose and you smiled.

“Charity, maybe? All the proceeds could go to a cause you’re passionate about. I see how you get when we go to the hospital. That’s my passion because it was my mom’s hospital. Maybe you could find a cause you like.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Bucky said, surprised.

You rolled your eyes. “I do have good ideas every now and again.”

He grinned sheepishly.

“Maybe something like a veteran’s charity, Sam could help you with that – or we worked with this foundation earlier this year, we helped provide prosthetics to those who can’t afford them.”

Bucky took your hand and watched your fingers intertwine.

“I think that’s definitely something I’d like to do,” he said quietly, “especially after the kids at the hospital.”

“I know,” you squeezed his hand, “we could set something up once we’re back from the mission.”

“I don’t know how you do that,” Bucky said quietly.

“Do what?”

“You’re always one step ahead of me – of everyone. You always know what everyone needs before they need it,” he brought your hand up to his lips, his gaze on you tangible. “I’ve always been worried that I can’t do the same for you.”

You smiled.

“You do, in your own way,” you assured him, “you have miles and miles of patience that I don’t have. I’m not – I don’t – it’s _nothing_.”

“It’s not,” Bucky insisted, “you’re considerate and always think of everyone else. I’m beyond grateful that you’ve managed to have patience with _me_.”

“Not all the time,” you pointed out with a laugh, “I’ve definitely almost clocked you a few times.”

Bucky laughed and nodded. “That’s true.”

Your hands started to get clammy, as they usually do when you were nervous.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is-”

A loud shriek broke through the chatter and the restaurant went silent. You grabbed the knife closest to you and stood abruptly.

“ _Si, si! Claro que si!_ ” You heard a woman shout.

The restaurant broke into applause and you swiftly dropped the knife. You saw Bucky tucking something back into his pocket and frowned.

“ _Felicidades_!” A few waiters said, congratulating the woman.

That was when you noticed a grinning man sliding a ring onto her finger. She was crying loudly, her hands shaking.

The band spoke their congratulations to the couple and dedicated the next song to them. You sat back down, still a little unnerved by the sudden screaming. You looked up to see if Bucky was okay and froze when you saw his face.

He was pale, his brows furrowed and hands clenched. You eased yours over his and he looked up at you, surprised.

“You okay?” You asked worriedly.

Bucky’s hands relaxed and you rubbed a circle into his palm.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he cleared his throat.

His eyes darted over to the couple and his expression darkened.

_Oh_ , you thought, looking at them.

“I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” he said, standing and disappearing before you could say anything.

You frowned and rubbed your temple, frustrated. _Thanks universe_ , you thought bitterly.

Bucky did his best to act normal but you could tell he was even more jumpy than earlier. You knew he must’ve been feeding off your own mood, which was a little sullen as well. You were tightly wound after the shock from earlier and you didn’t know how to shake it off.

The drive home was quiet, a little heavy, but you hardly noticed. You were stuck inside your own head.

Would it really be that bad if you asked him to marry you? You know Steve said Bucky wouldn’t have cared if you’d done it _before_ he started planning but – damn it, at this rate you’d both be dead before the perfect moment arose!

Bucky pulled into the driveway, his fingers tapping on the wheel anxiously.

“You okay?” You asked again, putting a hand on his arm.

He barely spared you a glance, his focused on the dark bungalow and he chewed on his bottom lip. You frowned and wondered if the sudden yelling had triggered an attack or episode.

“Bucky,” you said quietly, “are you having a panic attack?”

At that, he turned to you and his hard gaze softened.

“No, I’m sorry, I was thinking,” he said. “Let’s go inside.”

Before you could said anything, he jumped out the car, slamming his door shut. You blinked.

_Okay._

You got out the car and walked to the front door. You took your keys out, Bucky standing behind you impatiently, and you tried to hurry.

_What is wrong with him?_ You shot him a look.

As soon as you slid the keys into the lock, you heard a car engine coming down the road. It had loud music on, the six college students shouting your names.

You’d all managed to run into each other on the beach earlier that day, all of them instantly recognizing you both. They’d asked Bucky for a few autographs and you’d learned that they were all Swedish. Three of them were engineers and two were in med school. They’d asked you question after question, one of the girls familiar with your work. You couldn’t help but be happy that the women were taking interest in a scientific field.

They pulled up in the front, in an opened air Jeep. One of the guys honked the horn a few times, as if you couldn’t see them. You laughed a little, surprised, and waved.

Bucky placed a protective hand on your shoulder and you smiled.

“You guys heading in so early?” Alice called out. She spoke the best English and usually translated for the group.

You looked at your watch and realized it _was_ kind of early to be tucking in for the night.

“Where you all headed?” You asked, interested.

If they were offering a ride, maybe you could get Bucky’s mood up. Besides, your own mood would probably improve with another excursion – it _was_ your last night here after all.

“The bar down the road, it’s karaoke night!”

_Maybe not_ , you sighed. The bar was bound to be crowded and Bucky wouldn’t be able to unwind with karaoke.

Your expression must’ve betrayed how much you wanted to go because, before you could yelled out an answer – Bucky squeezed your hand.

“Do you want to go?” He asked.

“No, it’s fine,” you said unconvincingly.

Oscar, the driver, honked the horn again and you were going to wave them off when Bucky shouted back:

“Could you give her a ride? I’ll catch up in a few minutes.”

_Wait, what?_

The group cheered, arranging their seating to make room for you. The music blared even louder.

“Why don’t we just drive there _together_?” You turned to him. “It’s a bar, Buck, you hate bars.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, not making the effort to lie.

You smiled, amusedly. “Then why are we going?”

“Because you clearly want to go and I want you to be happy.”

“I would be perfectly content with tucking in for the night-”

“ _Go_ ,” he said pushing you towards the Jeep. 

“What’re you going to do?” You asked, not moving towards the road.

“I just need to make a few phone calls, take care of something and I’ll be right there. I don’t want to take the car out, I’ll walk. It’s only a half-mile down the road. I pass it every morning on my run.”

You narrowed your eyes. “What phone calls? There’s no service in this forsaken bungalow.”

Bucky huffed, “I’ll explain later, they sound like their going to wake up the entire road. Go, I promise I’ll be right behind you.”

Thrown by the entire night, you let Alice herd you into the car and only really come to when Oscar was handing you two shots.

“Oh, I don’t really drink-” which was true. After Tony’s detox, you cleared the entire penthouse of any alcohol. In solidarity, you also went alcohol-free. However, in that time span your ability to handle your alcohol fell through the floor.

You usually stuck to something light and definitely avoided getting drunk. Tony would always tell you it was alright, that he’d grown a tolerance but it felt rude.

“Come on, you’re on vacation!” Alice smiled, knocking back her two shots and picking up another in its place.

You looked down at the – you took a sniff and winced – tequila and contemplated.

Bucky said he’d be on his way soon and you were probably okay for a few of these. Besides, with your night and the past few months, you might as well.

What could go wrong?

\----

You’d made a mistake. You’d always been able to own up to your errors and this was no exception.

One of the other girls, Olivia, had convinced you to stumble on stage for a pop song. The stage was high up, next to the DJ and you were tilting further with every step.

Oscar, who was looking pretty blurry around the edges, had to climb up to get you down. He deposited you at the bar, with a slumped over Alice and you had to blink a few times to get your vision to focus.

A warm hand at your shoulder surprised you. Without looking back, you waved the guy away.

“I have a boyfriend,” you slurred.

The hand stayed put and you reached for it, ready to snap a finger back.

“ _Iubire_ ,” a familiar voice said into your ear.

“James!” You squealed so loud that Alice jumped up, startled.

“ _Inga fler strumpor,”_ she mumbled before stumbling off towards the dancefloor.

Bucky looked to you and you shrugged. “I don’t speak Swedish,” you told him.

He smiled, half-amused, and shook his head. “I know. You’ve been here less than an hour, how can you be this drunk?”

You shrugged, giggling when the motion made your vision tilt.

“They bet me I couldn’t chug down the rest of the tequila,” you grinned and pumped a fist, “they were wrong!”

Bucky looked like he wanted to laugh but he just steadied you with his hands.

“Do you – _hic_ – want some?” You asked, bringing your glass up to his mouth.

Bucky softly plucked it from your hands and put it down on the bar.

“I think it’s time to go home,” Bucky said.

“What?” You asked, not hearing him over the music.

He pointed to the door and you shook your head.

“ _No_ ,” you pouted.

“I’m going to go talk to Hugo, stay here,” he instructed.

Then, as quickly as you’d arrived, you’d left.

The walk home felt like it lasted a _hundred_ years, so you gave up at the end. You climbed onto Bucky’s back, his hands keeping you in place for the last few minutes.

You knew you should feel bad but the alcohol wouldn’t let you.

“Oh my God,” you said happily, “this bed feels like a _cloud_. We need this bed back home.”

Bucky huffed a laugh and pulled off your shoes. He took your summer dress off and pulled a random shirt over your head. You complained the entire time until he tucked you in.

“You’re the best,” you said, smacking your lips, “don’t leave me okay? Ask me soon.”

“Ask you what?” Bucky pulled the elastic out of your hair and placed a small garbage bin by your side.

“You know what,” you mumbled, eyes slipping closed.

\----

The next time you wake up, it’s still dark out.

How’d you get home? You sat up a little, your vision still blurry.

“I know, I know.”

_Bucky_ _that’s Bucky_! Your mind supplied helpfully.

Your cloudy mind cleared a little.

_No fair, how did he get signal?_

You go to stand but your legs decided that they didn’t want to work and you crumbled to the floor. Undeterred, you start army crawling to the living room. You see Bucky sitting on one of the ottomans with his back to you. From your spot on the ground, you saw a frowning face on his phone screen.

What? He can facetime? You couldn’t even get a _text_ through!

“No, Steve, I didn’t – there hasn’t been a right moment.”

“ _Are you kidding me, it’s been a week and you’re telling me you haven’t found one moment?_ ”

“It has to be perfect! She…she deserves for it to be perfect.”

_Who_ needed it to be perfect? You sat back onto your knees and as you could expand on your own jumbled thoughts, the room started spinning. Your stomach jerked and you knocked over a small umbrella stand as you scrambled to the bathroom.

You emptied out what felt like your pancreas, your liver, and one of your kidneys when a cool hand was at your neck.

“Alright, that’s good, you’re okay,” the voice murmured.

You slumped over, finally done, and let Bucky carry you back to bed.

* * *

Slowly, you cracked open one eye and immediately slammed it shut when the sunlight burned a hole into your cornea.

_Fucking tequila_.

Blindly reaching out to the space next to you, you found it empty. _Great_ , Bucky was probably out running for his life.

…or for breakfast.

At the thought of food, your stomach churned and you ran into the bathroom.

God, you were never touching that stuff again.

You noticed from your position, hugging the toilet, that there are rose petals on the floor besides the trash. You picked one up – scared that you were so hungover that you were hallucinating.

Rubbing it between your fingers, it was soft and fragrant. You glanced around the bathroom and caught sight of more petals inside the trash.

Before you could formulate a thought, your stomach _audibly_ twisted.

When the kraken finally sunk back into the deep sea – you peeled yourself up off the floor and padded into the bedroom. You threw yourself onto the bed, diagonally, and groaned at the pounding in your head.

Bucky walked in a moment later, two aspirin and a water bottle in his hand. You squinted balefully up at him.

“Are you a hallucination too?”

He smiled sympathetically and kissed your forehead.

“You feeling better?”

“I’m not sure I’m not dead right now, you _could_ be a hallucination.”

Bucky watched you drink the entire bottle and nodded, satisfied.

“You’re not, dead that is – or hallucinating. If you are, you drank much more than tequila.”

“God, I don’t know how people can drink that.”

He snorted, “I think it’s okay in small quantities. You, however, chugged a bottle like you were a heavyweight champion.”

You brought a pillow over your head and moaned. “You have to love me at my lowest too.”

“I’ve held you while you were unconscious and bleeding out to death, trust me, this isn’t your lowest.”

“Well, this feels worse,” you grunted.

“Come on, we should have breakfast outside. You need food. The saltwater should help too.”

“Do you want me to go _blind_?”

“I’ll lend you my sunglasses, come on, do you want me to carry you?” He said.

You nodded, then groaned at the jarring motion. Bucky smiled and picked you up, wrapped in the blanket like a burrito.

The second he took a step into the backyard, the sunshine felt permanently branded into your brain. The small migraine grew into a three-headed monster.

“I regret this already,” you slapped a hand over your eyes.

Bucky dropped you off in the shaded area in the yard. The sun continued to stab your consciousness but it subsided when Bucky dropped his sunglasses on you. Squinting, you smiled up at him gratefully.

“I got you some breakfast, let me go get it,” he said.

You lounged in the chair, the sun warming your clammy skin. You carefully sipped at the water Bucky left and sighed at the coolness.

Waves crashed to your left and you looked out at the ocean. Taking a deep breath, a strong breeze ruffled your hair.

It only took a few bites into your breakfast for you to start feeling marginally better.

“I’m sorry I ruined our last night,” you started but stopped when Bucky held up his hand.

“You didn’t,” he sighed, “you could never _ruin_ anything. Life with you has always been…an adventure.”

You laughed, the small knot in your chest loosening and you couldn’t help but plant a kiss onto his lips.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” you admitted sheepishly.

A couple walked hand in hand in the distance with their young child and waved eagerly as they passed your bungalow. You lifted a tentative hand to wave back and turned to Bucky.

“Want to go on a walk? I think I’m good now.”

He smiled, shifting onto his feet. “Actually, I’ve been wanting to ask you something all week and the moment hasn’t felt right but…” he trailed off.

You felt your eyes widen and last night’s events slammed into you. The dinner, the engagement, and you held your breath. Was this it? _Finally_?

“I – I think you’re the best part of me and I’m so proud of who you’ve become-”

“-even hung over?” You joked nervously.

Bucky never stumbled over his words, his edginess was contagious.

He smiled softly and nodded. “Even then. I love you, every version of you that you were and will be.”

You were stunned for a moment, heartened by his sincerity. You opened your mouth to say something - when loud siren pierces the calm air, interrupting you, and you jerked to your feet.

“ _Son of a_ -” Bucky swore.

You frowned, knowing exactly how he felt.

“What is that?” You said, feeling antsy, the sirens made way for your headache to return. You blinked wildly trying to un-squint your eyes.

Bucky grabbed your hand and you looked over his shoulder. You pointed at the sirens going off, a huge fire truck arriving at the hotel resort behind your bungalow.

“I think there’s a fire,” you said as a giant flame grew into the sky.

“Of course there is,” Bucky sighed.

_Of course._

* * *

“ _A fire_?” Steve asked, gaping.

“A fire,” you confirmed.

You were laying on Steve’s bed, head dangling off the side, watching him pack for the Cat Two mission you were all going on. You’d been home for less than twenty-four hours and you were already packed to leave to Moscow.

“Damn, you two really do have the worst luck.”

“Yeah, after that we both kind of just gave up. You know, and I could’ve sworn he was going to propose the whole trip there,” you told him, “but I kept thinking about what you’d said. Maybe I _was_ wrong?”

Steve looked so guilty, you frowned at him.

“Steve?”

“Okay I lied,” he huffed, exhaling harshly. “I’m sorry!”

“Lied?”

“Bucky was never getting the ring fixed, he practically goes everywhere with it – that’s probably why you couldn’t find it in his duffel,” Steve sighed. “He _was_ trying to propose but things kept getting in the way. You know how he is, he wants everything to go according to plan.”

For a moment, you were stunned into silence. You didn’t know what to be more surprised at, that you weren’t going crazy or that Steve had managed to successfully lie to you.

No, it was the latter, definitely. You’d already assumed he was trying to propose.

“You _lied_ to me?” You asked, a little proudly.

“I’m sorry!” He said, eyes wide and sad.

“It’s okay! I’m proud!” You laughed. “I’m a little surprised you got one over on me.”

Steve smiled sheepishly, “I worked on that the entire month before you left.”

“I really don’t know understand how you can lie so well on assignment but to us-”

“Not anymore!” Steve said smugly.

You narrowed your eyes.

“ _Wait_ , did you tell him that I know?” You asked.

“No.”

“ _Steven_.”

“I didn’t!”

“Swear on my life.”

“I swear! I swear on your life,” he said, crossing his heart. “I just wanted to try to get some element of surprise for him despite, you know, that you _know_.”

You sighed, frustrated with your bad luck. “Fucking fire.”

“Fucking fire,” Steve agreed.

“ _Ms. Maximoff requests your presence, she’d like to know if she has to pack a bathing suit or a formal ballgown,_ ” Friday announced. “ _She’d like to ask if you think the green one is too flashy_.”

You looked to Steve and you both laughed.

“Thank you Friday,” you said, “let her know I’m on my way.”

Standing up, you walked to Steve’s doorway, waving at him.

“Hey,” he called out.

“Yeah?”

“It’ll happen,” Steve said with a genuine smile, “it’ll happen right when it’s supposed to.”

You sighed but mustered up a smile and nodded.

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Buenas tardes:** Good afternoon  
>  **Es un buen libro, uno de mis favoritos:** It's a good book, one of my favorites  
>  **Regalo para los recien casados:** A gift, for the newlyweds  
>  **No, no somos recien casados:** No, we're not newlyweds  
>  **Tu esposo?:** Your husband?  
>  **No, todavia no, pero creo que no falta mucho:** Not yet, but soon  
>  **Les deseo felicidad, salud, y mucho amor:** I wish you happiness, health, and much love  
>  **Buen provecho:** Enjoy your food  
>  **Si, claro que si:** Yes, of course  
>  **Felicidades:** Congratulations  
>  **Inga fler strumpor!:** No more socks!
> 
> I wasn't going to put up the translations but, it throws me off a fic when they don't do it so - excuse the clutter.
> 
> Jeez, even I'm starting to feel bad for Bucky at this point - and yes, I did get the title from the very cheesy but very good Ed Sheeren. What can I say? You guys know I'm a sucker for the corny fluff.
> 
> Just two more chapters left! You all know where to find me! I love all your comments so please, keep 'em coming! See you all later!


	6. Attempt No. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! Sorry everyone for the long wait between these chapters. I’ve had some stuff going on and it was unavoidable – unfortunately. Hope you enjoy! As always, point anything out you see that’s glaringly incorrect – we all know how I am with grammar.

 “Are you _sure_ -”

Steve held up a hand, effectively cutting you off.

“You all promised, after what happened with my last birthday, that we’d only make a big deal of our milestones.”

“Everything passed a hundred _is_ a milestone!” You insisted.

“Yeah, if anyone can pull off two parties back to back – it’s us,” Tony agreed.

“I don’t doubt it,” Steve said, rolling his eyes, “but I promise, I’ve had more than enough birthdays to last me a lifetime.”

You frowned. Steve’s birthdays had a tendency to get overshadowed. Tony loved any excuse to throw a party, the Fourth of July included.

It definitely didn’t help that he’d been regularly working with Macy’s to help design the fireworks display since the early 2000s. This year, you’d actually be in New York for the event and had helped plan more eco-friendly designs.

Regardless, you’d all gone out of the way to make sure Steve never felt tossed aside for the holiday. Last year, however, after a few mishaps - Steve and Bucky had declared that they’d only want important birthdays celebrated.

You’d all protested, most of all Tony, but they’d won. Bucky had eyed you distrustfully but Steve was clearly holding you to it.

“I still think you’re overreacting,” you huffed.

Tony nodded and took a sip of is mug. “Giggles’ right - so we accidentally caused a _tiny_ fire on the terrace, Friday put it out in a minute.”

“Less!” You interjected. “You barely got burned! Besides, you’re juiced up. No one got seriously hurt.”

“Except my landscaping.”

Steve laughed but you knew it was useless.

Tony must have realized it was futile; especially since for the past few weeks he’d thrown all his energy into planning his Stark’s 4th of July Bash – something he hadn’t done in years.

“We’re already have a party and that’s more than enough. Besides, it’s been a while since we were all together,” Steve smiled genuinely, “that’s the best birthday present I could ask for.”

You smiled, knowing he actually meant it.

“God you’re such a cliché,” Tony snorted, ruining the mood. “Besides, it’s not going to be _just_ us. I’d be bored to tears by the first half hour.”

You elbowed him and Steve chuckled.

“What?” Tony said, with a shrug. “Everyone on the list keeps asking to bring someone else – at this rate, the FDNY is going to shut us down.”

Nodding, you had to agree. The guest list was starting to look a _little_ out of hand.

“What?” Steve asked, his expression confused.

“What, what?” You asked.

“Who’s coming to the party?”

“Who _isn’t_ coming to the party is the better question,” you laughed. “I think the Mayor had said he’d try to make it.”

“Forget that old man, the Black-Eyed Peas said they’d come after their performance on 50th. I haven’t seen Will.I.Am since the Grammys.”

“Who?” Steve turned to you, brows furrowed.

“Musicians,” you patted his arm.

“So, this is going to be a big party then?” Steve sighed.

You turned to him, surprised. “Why? What did you think it was going to be? Remember the last Fourth Party, I think I was still in grad school.”

“There’s not need to reminisce!” Tony exclaimed.

Steve groaned and you raised your brows at Tony.

“I said I was sorry! I paid for the damages!”

“You crashed into the BQE!” You exclaimed.

“In my defense, I’m pretty sure I was drunk,” Tony said with a half smile.

You huffed. “Which, about that-”

“I’m _not_ making it a dry bar!”

You both started to bicker about it until Pepper’s assistant walked in.

“The caterers want to go through the final menu,” she said, ever-present clipboard in her grip. “Pepper’s waiting.”

Tony saluted you both before being herded off to the penthouse.

“What’s wrong?” You asked Steve after a few beats of odd silence. “It’s just another Stark party, you know what those are like.”

“Yeah, I just thought it would be less – just _less_.”

You shot him a weird look, one he ignored, and continued baking.

* * *

" _I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to,_

_Glimpse you in every window._

_Because of you, the heady perfumes of_  
 _Summer pain me; because of you, I again_  
 _Seek out the signs that precipitate desires:_  
 _Shooting stars, falling objects_ -”

You kept running your fingers through Bucky’s freshly washed hair, untangling a few snags and looked down at him.

When he didn’t say anything, you jostled him with your leg and he opened an eye.

“What?”

You shot him a look.

He sighed and turned towards your stomach. “We’ve talked about this.”

“It’s _Pablo Neruda_!”

“And you read it very well,” he shrugged, his shoulder digging into your hip, “it’s just not my thing.”

You frowned, “But he’s talking about lost love.”

Bucky gave you a half smile and kissed a sliver of exposed skin by your side. You brushed hair away from his forehead and watched him try to find the words.

“I don’t understand poetry,” he said eventually. “I don’t see how so many people use it for romance when it’s not really romantic. They remind me of mazes, twists and turns – instead of just getting to the point.”

You smiled and pressed a kiss to his furrowed brow. “I get that – it’s just – it’s for people who can’t seem to find the words for themselves, it’s _art_. You just use paper and paint to talk for you, they use their mazes.”

  
“I think-”

“ _Baby girl!”_ Sam’s voice echoed in the hallway. You looked over the fireplace and grinned when you saw Sam’s wide smile.

“Sam!” You shouted back. “When did you get in? I thought you were supposed to fly tomorrow?”

“I was,” Sam flicked Bucky’s ear and kissed the top of your head. “Someone gave me a ride.”

“Who-”

“ _Zaika_.”

You whirled around, Bucky grunted when your abdomen smacked into him.

“Natasha!” You grinned, shocked to see her in New York.

You’d spoken to her a few days ago – she was taking the lead on a mission in Malaysia but had gotten badly hurt during recon. Tony had grounded her and let Agent Choi take over.

“What are you doing here?” You scowled, crossing your arms. “You were in no conditions to fly yet!”

“Relax,” she rolled her eyes and adjusted her arm in its sling. “I had a doctor on board the whole time.”

Bruce’s ruffled hair and sheepish smile appeared over Natasha’s shoulder. Your smile doubled in size and you stood.

“Bruce!” You shouted again, elated.

If it’d been a while since you’d seen Natasha, it’d been _double_ as long since you’d seen Bruce.

“You know,” Sam said from one of the couches he was thrown on. “I should be offended you’re so happy to see them and I got a half-hearted greeting.”

“I saw you three weeks ago,” you said defensively.

Sam pouted, eyes teasing, and you rolled your eyes.

“I can’t believe you,” you said, carefully hugging Natasha’s good side. “I hope you know I’m going to be hovering over you the entire time you’re here.”

Natasha smirked and shrugged. “You can join Banner and brood together.”

“Honestly and you say I’m the childish one,” you stuck your tongue out at her.

“Hey, what’s this?” Sam asked, voice carrying. “ _Famous Love Poems_?”

You saw Sam skimming the first few pages. “I got that in Mexico a few months ago. Bucky _loves_ poetry.”

His eyes caught yours and you smiled teasingly.

“Can I borrow this?” Sam asked, his eyes darting across the pages.

“Sure,” you smiled, “give it back before you leave, it’s become one of my favorites.”

Bruce held up a fresh made cup of coffee and Natasha nodded. “Please.”

“I’ll get it,” you tell Bruce and pulled out one of her mugs. “You’ve been traveling, are you guys hungry? I have some stuff back in my kitchen but none of us have been up here in a while.”

“We ate on the plane, Banner makes sure I eat balanced meals,” Natasha rolled her eyes.

“It’ll help the healing process, a protein bar is not an acceptable lunch,” Bruce replied with a sigh, as if he’d said it before.

Natasha shot you a knowing look when you handed her the coffee. You laughed and shook your head.

“Can’t make a tiger change it’s stripes,” you told Bruce.

He huffed.

“So, what was the rush? You couldn’t be that excited to go to Tony’s party,” you asked her. “I thought you were going to provide ground assistance until August.”

Natasha’s eyes drifted a little to the left and you shot her a confused look.

Before you could say something, she met your gaze and shrugged. “It’s been a long time since we’ve all been here – I didn’t want to be the only one missing out.”

You narrowed your eyes at her.

“You ready for tomorrow?” Sam asked, coming up behind Natasha.

“What’s tomorrow?” Natasha said.

“Assignment in Brooklyn,” you answered and shot her a look, “don’t even think about it.”

She grinned and you shook your head.

* * *

“You go straight down the boardwalk and it’s right there at the end,” a blonde-haired woman instructed.

“Thank you so much ma’am,” you said with a wide smile, “we were just so turned around.”

Steve smiled his wholesome grin and nodded. “You’ve been so helpful.”

The woman shot you both a soft smile and shook her head. “It was nothing. I was a newcomer to this city once too. Can I just say, you two make the most adorable couple. I can just tell you’re soulmates. It’s so lovely to see.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, expression touched. “Have a good day!”

You waved and steered Steve towards the beach, taking your sandals off to walk barefoot.

Turning to Steve, you tried to mask the flinch of seeing a strange face smiling back at you.

“It’s weird right?” He said, his faux-brown eyes sparkling at you. “Your hair’s throwing me off.”

“Your eyes,” you said, “no, just _all_ of it.”

You were both wearing fresh Stark-Approved disguises. The small, coin sized base attached to the back of your neck and activated easily. Within seconds you had a new face, one that held up in water.

If you the two of you were going to be out in a crowded place, you _needed_ the disguise.

“You know, this makes me miss Mexico,” you said, pulling Steve’s left arm around your shoulder.

“ _Doll, Coney Island doesn’t compare to the beaches in Mexico,_ ” Bucky’s voice in your ear said bemusedly, “ _I’ve been cut by a can about ten yards to your left.”_

You smiled and pressed a light kiss to Steve’s cheek. “Yeah?”

“It was disgusting, he got blood everywhere,” Steve confirmed, “and somehow the date he’d brought _still_ went out to dinner with him.”

Trying to hide your grin, you coughed.

“ _Shut up Romanov_ ,” you heard Bucky mutter.

You looked up at Steve, who winked playfully at you, and smiled.

“ _Who’s faces are you two wearing again?”_

“ _That would be Generic Woman Brunette No. Three and Brown-Eyed Neutral Man No. Eight_ ,” Tony said.

“ _Y’all make a cute couple_ ,” Sam joked.

You snorted and continued your walk towards the end of the beach.

“ _Are you two close?”_ Natasha asked after a few minutes.

“We’d be closer if Rogers didn’t stop every three seconds to look at a stand,” you muttered.

“Aren’t we supposed to be blending in?” He asked, eyebrows raising.

“I know it’s been a while since you were out in the field but, one can be both sneaky _and_ fast,” you said, hooking your arm around his and smiling widely up at him.

He smiled back, just as wide, and you heard snickering over the line.

“ _Ten bucks says Giggles punches America’s Golden Boy before the night is over_ ,” Tony said.

Natasha huffed, “ _That’s a given. I would’ve ditched him by now_.”

“ _Five bucks says she still does_ ,” Sam answered.

“Hey,” you snipped, “ _we_ are the field agents and _we_ decide when to move. So, zip it.”

The line went quiet and you heard Bucky huff a short laugh. “ _She’s going to end up punching all of you by the end of the night.”_

Steve smiled and looked down at you. Shrugging, you pulled him out of the palm readers tent and out onto the boardwalk again. “You’re my partner and only I get to make fun of you.”

_“Need I remind you, you both lost the coin toss?”_

You _hated_ being out in the open and Steve had one of the most recognizable faces in the Avengers. Usually it was Natasha and Sam who could blend in the best but with one out of commission and Sam refusing to do it three times in a row, a coin toss was needed.

“Shut up Tony,” you hissed, finally arriving at the destination. “Cover me.”

You disappeared through two buildings, the alleyway short and narrow. The alarm system was basic, too basic for something of this importance, but you knew that was the point. Within a few minutes, you bypassed all the firewalls and inserted your own devices.

Tapping your comms until you reached base, Agent Hill’s voice came through.

“ _I’m in Agent S, download starting. I only need ninety seconds and then the rest of you are up.”_

You tore out the wires and threw it into a nearby dumpster. Clutching your sunglasses in your hand you came out the alley and waved them in the air.

“I got them honey,” you said brightly.

Steve smiled and wrapped his arm around you.

“Are they scratched?” He asked loudly, the nearest couple smiling politely at you both.

“Nope, still good,” you tightened your grip on his waist and tapped his wrist twice.

He nodded slightly and pulled you back in the direction you came from.

“The firewall was too easy to get through, there has to be other alarms inside,” you told your team. “Wilson, just like we practiced.”

“ _I got it,”_ he answered, “ _I’ll go in first. Stark you ready_?”

“ _Always am.”_

“We’re heading back to the car,” Steve said. “Be careful.”

“ _Wilson, watch your six,”_ Bucky hissed, “ _I got it_.”

“ _I’m in,”_ he said.

A few minutes later he swore, _loudly_.

“What?” You said, drifting off to a nearby smoothie line. “What’s wrong?”

“ _You know how you said there had to be other alarms?”_

“Yeah?”

“ _Well, I just found the last one_ ,” he said with a sigh, “ _alright, we’re going to have to fight our way out Barnes_.”

“ _Stark?”_ Bucky asked.

“ _I’m right behind you two_.”

“We’re turning around,” Steve said.

Bucky’s voice came out strained. “ _We got this, just focus on being ready to pick up the package_.”

“ _I have an idea,”_ Tony said happily.

You narrowed your eyes from your place on the ground. “No.”

“ _You haven’t even heard it yet!”_

Steve shook his head. “Even _I_ know it’s probably a bad idea.”

“ _That really hurts you two,_ ” Tony said.

“ _While I’m glad you three are having fun, we need to know where you want us_ ,” Sam grunted.

Steve turned to you and you sighed. “Alright Tony.”

“ _Great! I’ll need a distraction, this might get loud.”_

You looked around for something you could use. “Fire?” You asked, already reaching for your lighter.

“ _It’s disturbing how many times you suggest that,”_ Sam grunted.

“ _Nothing that’ll bring down the heat on us, we’re trying to be good, remember?”_ Tony said.

Frowning, you picked at your nails.

 _Pretending to faint?_ You wondered, everyone always flocked to someone who was injured for help. That could work – you’d be secure in your identity until you got to the hospital-

“I got it,” Steve muttered next to you. He pulled you hastily into the middle of the busy boardwalk and cleared his throat.

“Excuse me, everybody, I’m sorry to interrupt your night,” Steve said loudly.

A few people shot you two curious looks, but mostly, people walked around you two.

“ _Uh, Cap?”_

“I just want the world to know, that I love this woman,” he shouted and smiled at you. His artificial face softened with a loving expression and he winked. “New York City, I love this woman more than anyone else!”

More people were stopping and looking at you two curiously. You kept your expression bashful and smiled shyly at him.

“ _Guys_?”

“ _Sh_ ,” Natasha shushed Sam.

You could see a few phones go up as Steve continued.

“When I go to sleep, the last thought on my mind is you. When I wake up in the morning, you’re still on my mind,” he said, earnestly.

The crowd around you grew, everyone cooing and captivated. You couldn’t help but smirk, it seemed that even in disguise, Captain America knew how to act in the spotlight.

“I guarantee that there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want to get out of this. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it the rest of my life because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me. Besides, when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

The words sounded familiar but you kept your expression the same.

“I guess,” Steve said with a hopeful tilt, “what I’m trying to say is – Amanda, will you marry me?”

Dropping to one knee, you could finally see how enraptured the crowd was.

“Oh my gosh,” you pressed a hand to your mouth and another to your heart. “This is so sudden!”

“Say yes!”

“You got this bro!”

People started shouting encouragement from the sidelines. Through your earbud, you heard a few gunshots and a muffled explosion.

“Of course, I will,” you said, dramatically flinging yourself onto him. He caught you, standing and lifting you up with him.

You wrapped your legs around him and squeezed.

“Good thinking,” you muttered. “Was that the proposal scene from _When Harry Met Sally_?”

“Yep and _Runaway Bride_.”

Hiding a laugh by digging your face into his neck you pinched him. “I knew you liked rom coms.”

He huffed a laugh and squeezed you, “Ready for the finale?”

Nodding, you released your hold on him and leaned back – tears already streaming down your face. You hiccupped, overwhelmed with emotion.

You didn’t know where _or_ when Steve had nabbed the silver ring from but, he slid it onto your ring finger with shaking hands.

“I love you,” you said, gazing into his eyes.

“I love you too sweetheart.”

“Show us the ring!”

Grinning, you lifted your hand into the air and the crowd applauded. Their excitement was a little contagious and you couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“ _Kiss_!” The crowd started chanting. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

You rose an eyebrow, silently letting Steve take the lead. Indecision flashed across his face but he nodded. Smiling wide, you grabbed his face and brought it down to yours.

The kiss was chaste but long enough to keep the crowd cheering.

“ _I got them. Wilson do you have the blueprints?”_ Tony’s voice came through.

“ _Got it.”_

“ _Alright everyone, we’re done here. Spread out and see you all back at the tower,”_ Tony said. “ _Congratulations you two_.”

A few chuckles echoed his and you pressed your face into Steve’s neck to cover your mouth.

“Did _you_ have any better ideas?” You scowled.

A drunk group of men ordered you all drinks, asking for the story of how you two had met. You’d managed to tell the story twice before slipping off through the fire exit.

“ _Ugh_ ,” you grunted, shaking sand out of your shoes. “My blisters have blisters.”

Steve’s brunette disguise disappeared and you caught sight of his ruffled blonde hair. He tucked the device into his jacket.

“I forgot how much kids these days like to drink,” Steve made a face, “the scotch was better back then.”

You snorted. “I’m sure it was – especially since you couldn’t taste anything after your second glass.”

Steve shot you a look and you laughed. “Come on old man, I’m pretty sure they’re still waiting for us at the van.”

He pointed to his ear and you shook your head.

“I took out the comms halfway through their attempt at reenacting the proposal.”

Steve smiled and pulled his out. “Smart.”

You’d come into view for a brief second when you heard Sam crow.

“Ah, the couple finally arrives!”

Natasha, sitting on the floor with her legs dangling out, snorted. Adjusting her sling as she stood, she smacked his head.

“Leave them be, it was a good plan.”

“Thank you, Natasha,” Steve said exaggeratedly.

You rounded the car to the passenger side and found Bucky sitting by himself.

“Hey,” you dropped the heavy bag by his feet and squeezed his knee. “You okay?”

He nodded, his eyes bearing a hole onto your hand. You retracted it from his leg and crossed them. What was his problem? It couldn’t have been -

“Wanda and Wilson kissed the last time they were undercover as a married couple. I don’t need to tell you that didn’t mean anything – right?”

“Of course not,” he said curtly. “I know how it works.”

Before you could say anything else, Tony called out to you.

“Hand them over – before you all lose another set of earbuds.”

You plucked Bucky’s out of his ear and went to hand them to Tony.

Steve shot you a look and you shrugged.

“I don’t know why he’s being weird.”

He frowned for a moment and then huffed. Pointing to the gaudy ring that was still on your finger.

 _Of course_ , you sighed.

“Hey, he’s just frustrated,” he said quietly. “Even I got to propose to you before he did.”

“Then he should just _ask_ , dammit,” you hissed, “at this point it’s just getting ridiculous.”

Steve held up his hands. “I’ve told him! You know how he’s like.”

“How who’s like?” Tony asked, making you both jump.

“Nobody,” you snapped.

Tony rose an eyebrow and turned to Steve – who promptly shrugged and darted into the van.

“That didn’t sound suspicious at all.”

“Butt out,” you sighed. “It’s complicated enough.”

“Things usually are,” Tony threw an arm around your shoulder and wrinkled his nose. “You smell like an ash tray.”

“Because I was around a bunch of frat guys!”

“Right, let’s go get you a shower,” Tony pushed you towards the back of the van and frowned. “Maybe two – hey, Shadowman, crack a window will you?”

\----

“Am I allowed to ask about it yet?” You said quietly, Bucky’s face buried into your neck.

You were both tangled in each other in your bed after the debriefing. You were frustrated at his inability to just ask you but, Steve was right. At this point, you might as well let him continue with whatever plan he’d concocted.

At his silence you carded your hand through his hair.

“I just want to know if you’re okay,” you asked.

He sighed, his exhale tickling your collarbone. “I’m fine. It’s nothing, I promise.”

Deciding to leave it alone, you kissed his forehead.

“Okay _cariño_ ,” you said quietly. “Are you ready for the party tomorrow?”

Bucky smiled. “Stark’s been talking about it all day. Steve’s acting like he’s turning two hundred.”

“Well, you both might as well be…” you laughed when he pinched your side. “Clint and the kids are coming, they let Natasha know a few hours ago.”

“They are?” Bucky pulled back, surprised. “I thought Barton avoided Stark’s parties.”

“He does,” you smiled and traced his nose, “but, these are one of the very few kid friendly parties that Tony throws. Nothing comes between Nathan and a bouncy castle.”

Bucky laughed and nodded. “I remember his birthday last year.”

“Besides, he’ll have plenty of other kids to hang around.”

“What do you mean?” He looked at you.

You frowned. “What? The kids? A few of my assistants are bringing their kids.”

“Your assistants?”

“Yeah,” you thought back to the guest list, “I’m pretty sure all of HR is bringing their families.”

Bucky’s expression morphed into the same odd one Steve had when he’d found out.

“Do you guys not know Tony?” You laughed. “Seriously, how long has it been? Since when does Tony do small or intimate? Even Christmas is hectic.”

“He’s never made a big deal out of the Fourth of July.”

“Because of _Steve_!” You laughed, cradling his face into your hands. “Why’re you acting so weird? Do you want to stay home? We won’t get any sleep anyway, we’ll be able to hear the music.”

A slow smile spread across his face. “Maybe that’s a good idea…”

“He’ll come looking for us – specifically, me,” you laughed at his disgruntled expression.

“We should make the best of tonight then,” he said, flipping you onto your back.

“Should we now?” You smiled, happy his sullen mood had changed. “I might be able to be persuaded.”

* * *

Pepper was definitely right, you mused as you stepped out the elevator and was met with booming music and a hundred people mingling. Tony’s parties were always better when you hadn’t been stressed with planning them. 

There were a few tents set up, offering shade from the humid weather and portable air conditioners where people were already crowded around.

Kids ran passed you, laughing loudly, and parents sat near the pool.

“Hey,” Tony said, pulling you towards the shade of a nearby wide umbrella. “Took you a while, what – did you get lost?”

You rolled your eyes and snatched his drink. “Jesus,” you sputtered, “is it safe to consume that much sugar in lemonade?”

“You’re the one who’s going around stealing people’s drinks.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you handed it back to him. “How’s it going so far?”

Tony snorted. “We’ve had a few bumps, you know how it goes.”

“It looks good though, the show must go on?”

He nodded and lifted his glass, “Of course.”

“Where’s-”

A chorus of voices shouting your name came from behind you. You turned just as a few tiny arms went around you.

“My favorite kids in the entire universe,” you laughed, squeezing them all back. “Jesus, you’re as tall as your dad – who looks like he’s curving inward.”

“Ouch,” Clint said, pretending to be wounded.

Before any of you could say much, you were ushered onto the makeshift dancefloor.

“Ah – they got your strongarm tendencies too,” you shouted to Clint over the music.

He smiled and you let yourself be twirled around. The kids jumped, dancing wildly to a pop song you recognized.

After a few songs, you and Clint managed to slink off to the bar.

“They’ll definitely keep you in shape,” you said, pressing a napkin to your forehead.

Clint laughed and shook his head, “That’s true.”

“Two please,” you called out pointing to one of the signature drinks.

“So,” Clint said, “where’s your Shadow?”

You scowled at him. Tony had always had an unfortunate habit of doling out nicknames for people, yourself included, and they always seemed to stick. Shadowman had slowly shortened to Shadow and you tried to break the habit but it always seemed to come back around. Bucky promised he didn’t mind.

“ _I’ve been called worse,” he’d said,_ “ _besides, I don’t mind being your shadow.”_

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said stubbornly.

A hand came to your back and you turned, grinning when you saw Laura.

“ _Laura_!” You threw your arms around her, laughing when she squeezed you just as tightly.

“It’s been forever,” she said with a wide grin, “don’t you love us anymore?”

You pinched her side in retaliation and she laughed.

“It’s not my fault you two live off in the wilderness.”

Clint huffed. “I taught you how to fly anything with an engine and propellers.”

Rolling your eyes, you wrapped an arm around Laura’s shoulders.

“Also, why does my wife get a more enthusiastic greeting than me?” Clint crossed his arms. “I’ve _actually_ saved your life you know.”

This time, Laura rolled her eyes and took your hand.

“Come on, let’s go catch up,” she pulled you towards an empty loveseat and plopped down.

“What’s new?” She asked, munching on an appetizer she pulled off a nearby tray. “Natasha said you all came back from a mission; did it go well?”

“Yeah, it was successful,” you said, shrugging. “Besides that, nothing much.”

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That fake polite smile you just tried to pass off as genuine,” she poked your cheek.

You smiled, not used to people calling you out. “Something’s been going,” you started slowly.

“Something you can’t talk about?” She asked knowingly.

Nodding, you fiddled with one of your bracelets. “It’s just – it’s been a stressful few months, no - _year_.”

“Tell me about it,” she huffed, blowing at her bangs. “Especially now with Clint helping out here and there, I’ve gotten used to him at home now.”

“Ah, but it’s hard to stay away,” you smiled, taking a sip of your drink. “I know that feeling.”

Laura smiled and patted your hand. “How’s your latest experiment or project or _whatever_ coming along?”

She laughed as you lit up, rambling animatedly about the advances in clean energy Tony and you had been working on.

“I’m planning a trip to Wakanda soon,” you said, “Shuri said she’d be more than happy to come to New York City but – the technology there, it’s _unparallel_.”

“And you can’t wait to get your hands on it?” She laughed. “Same old, same old.”

You flushed and downed your drink. Trying to gauge how long it’d take you to get a refill, you realized Laura’s hands were empty.

“I’m sorry,” you said immediately, “I didn’t realize you didn’t have a drink. I’ll go get you one, I need a refill anyway.”

Laura turned bright red and shook her head. “That’s okay, really-”

You were already on your feet and shook your head at her. “Seriously, I’ll just be a second, save my seat! You want the same thing as always right?”

Before she could answer, you rushed over to an empty spot at the bar. The bartender smiled and handed you two drinks within a few moments. You left a hefty tip in their jar and made your way back to your seats.

By the time you were a few feet away, you saw two vaguely familiar people sitting and talking.

Laura had disappeared. You scanned the crowd but couldn’t spot her. Sighing, you walked over to a closed off section of the rooftop, closing the gate behind you.

You placed her drink onto a ledge and sighed. A warm breeze blew a strand of hair into your eyes and you tucked it behind your ear.

Sipping on your drink, for the millionth time, you admired the view of Midtown.

While you hated walking and travelling through it, it was definitely something you never got tired of.

_In fact…_

Talking about Wakanda reminded you of how much Shuri loved your random photos. You took your phone out, made a silly face and made sure to include the slowly setting sun behind you.

Despite the time difference, she responded almost instantly. A slew of laughing emojis appeared and she included one of a dark sky, littered with stars. A second photo followed, one of Bucky.

You hadn’t seen it before and instantly zoomed in. He was mid-laugh, a colorful scarf wrapped around his stump, and four kids were staring up at him.

 **_Shuri_ ** _: I found this on a hard drive this afternoon. I forgot to send it to you and Sergeant Barnes. He’s welcome to come with you to Wakanda in the spring._

You went back to the photo. His smile, even through a photograph, was enough to bring a smile to your face.

“Doll?”

You looked up and smiled softly at him. Bucky stood, hands in his pockets, with his hair tucked back into a bun.

“I told you that you’d get hot quickly,” you said smugly, noticing he’d used the extra hair tie you’d made him take.

He laughed, rolling his eyes, and shook his head.

“Of course.”

“Want to see something?” You asked, leaning against the railing.

Bucky walked over and smiled as soon as he saw the photograph. “I remember that,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?”

He nodded and took your phone into his own hands. “I’d only come out of cryo a few weeks before. Shuri was doing last minute adjustments on my arm – actually -” his brows furrowed, “-I remember sitting in on a few video calls with you from your lab, still helping with the coding on some motor skills.”

You tucked a few loose strands of hair behind his ear. “That was a long time ago, I don’t really remember much from then,” you said, almost apologetically.

Bucky shrugged. “I can imagine, especially with the mess we’d left you with.”

Thinking back onto the chaos that followed Steve and Bucky’s disappearance to Wakanda, you shuddered. The rest of the team had still been in the early stages of gluing everything back together – including themselves.

“I remember the first time we saw each other, after everything had settled,” you said with a small smile. “You were hogging my much-needed alone time.”

Bucky’s hand came up to your temple. “You were wearing your hair in that thing I like, introduced yourself to me, and let me know I was being rude for not doing the same.”

“I didn’t say you were being rude-” you ignored his look, “I probably _implied_ it.”

He snorted.

“There’s a distinction!” You pinched his arm. “Besides, you were much broodier then. Sometimes it felt like you were all in a competition to see who could do it best.”

At your poor imitation of his scowl, he laughed loudly. You grinned, happy to have elicited a belly laugh and curled into his side. His arm went around you reflexively and, despite the humidity, you leaned into him.

“We’ve come a long way,” he whispered, taking one last look at the picture before handing you back your phone. You tucked it away into your bag and rested your chin on his shoulder.

“We’ve done good,” you squeezed his hand.

Bucky smiled, his eyes going soft and gaze heady. Your heart tripped over itself at having it directed at you, even now.

“Yeah,” he pressed a light kiss to your cheekbone, “we’ve done good.”

You reached out and brought his lips down to yours. After a moment you broke apart and you laid your forehead against his.

“Iubire I know I’ve been acting… _strange_ and I wanted to explain why-”

“ _Tee_! I found her!” A loud, very Nathan sounding, screech came from behind you.

Turning, you saw Clint wincing at the disruption of a moment and you waved away his unspoken apology. Bucky sighed deeply and you squeezed his shoulders.

“After the party?”

He nodded, distracted, and you turned back to Nathan.

“Tee, Mommy was looking for you,” he said with a wide smile, front teeth missing, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

Back when Nathan was still learning how to talk, you’d rallied for him to say your name for so long that eventually you’d shortened it to Auntie. Something he immediately latched onto – “ _Tee! Tee_!” He’d garble happily every time you visited that summer.

You were so excited and the nickname had stuck.

“Go tell your Mom I was looking for her too,” you told him.

Nathan smiled, nodded, and darted off.

Clint joined you both and grimaced. “Sorry about that, he’s faster than me now.”

Bucky huffed. “A lot of people are faster than you now.”

“You know, I’m offended,” Clint said with a loud gasp. “I thought we were all friends here.”

“We all get old, it happens,” you said, teasing.

“Jesus,” Clint clutched his chest, “that was like taking a bullet.”

You rolled your eyes and he stood up, already heading back towards the party.

“I’m not going to just sit here and take this abuse.”

Before he could leave, you called out to him. “Hey, do me a favor?”

Clint nodded.

“Take that to Laura?” You pointed to the melted strawberry margarita on the ledge.

He swooped down and took a sip, his brows raising high up on his forehead.

“This has tequila,” Clint said.

You looked to Bucky, who also had his brows furrowed.

“Yeah,” you said slowly, “margaritas usually do – and your wife has the taste buds of a sorority girl. She likes it extra sugary and extra tequila.”

Clint shook his head. “She asked for this?”

“Yes?”

He blinked and looked at you both. “But she can’t drink.”

“Why?” You asked, confused.

“She’s pregnant.”

Just as he finished dropping _that_ bomb, Laura appeared around the corner and smiled when she saw you three.

“What are you three doing out here? Can’t you read, it says _secluded, employees only_. I know the owner and he’s going to be pissed if he finds you here.”

Your mouth dropped, voice caught in your throat.

“What?” Laura’s smiled dimmed. “What happened?”

Clint winced and turned to Laura.

“You told them?” She asked, exasperated. “We said we were going to wait!”

“I’m sorry! You’re the one asking for tequila!”

Laura frowned. “I _didn’t_ ask for a margarita.”

Clint turned back to you and your mind was still reeling.

“ _Oh my God_!” You screamed, shooting to your feet. “Congratulations!”

You were throwing your arms around Laura while Bucky clapped Clint on the back.

“Congrats man.”

“Thanks, thanks,” Clint grinned, “we’re pretty excited about it.”

“I – I can’t – who knows?” You said, hugging Clint tightly. “Another baby, I’m so happy for you two.”

“It wasn’t planned,” Clint joked, “but, we’re happy about it anyway.”

“Just the kids and you two. Now we have to tell Natasha and Wanda – who will probably tell the entire party since she _and_ Clint can’t keep a secret,” Laura sighed frustrated, but happiness was still clear in her expression.

Clint lifted his arms. “I was tricked!”

“Why are you waiting? Is there something wrong?” You asked, searching their faces.

“No, nothing like that, baby and me are doing great,” Laura placed a hand on her flat stomach. “It’s still early but we’ve had our first ultrasound. We just – we don’t see all of you guys together that often and today’s Steve’s birthday.”

“We didn’t want to ruin Stark’s party,” Clint shrugged, “we know how serious he gets about his parties.”

You laughed, “Steve won’t care and Tony _definitely_ won’t care.”

Bucky nodded, bringing an arm around your shoulders. “Steve would probably thank you for bringing the attention off him.”

Laura’s shoulders dropped and you could see her relax minutely. “You think so?”

“I can assure you,” you said with certainty.

Clint’s eyes lit up happily and he turned to Laura. “Shall we?”

She rolled her eyes and nodded. “Alright, you big lug, let’s go crash the party.”

You waited until they were gone before you turned to Bucky, smile still on your face.

“I’m so excited, I hope it’s a girl this time,” you said, standing up. “Come on, let’s go film Wanda’s reaction.”

\----

Every one reacted, as predicted, with happiness and congratulations.

After a round of drinks and many, _many_ , dances; Tony abruptly announced that they’d be doing this pregnancy right and swindled Laura into letting him plan a gender reveal party. After she agreed, Tony grabbed a mic and announced it to the small crowd, who cheered for a red-faced Laura.

“I can’t believe you got hoodwinked by Stark,” Clint said, amused.

Laura was still half-hidden behind Clint and Steve’s shoulders, even after the cheers and congratulations had died down.

“Why’d you guys wait to announce it now?” Wanda asked.

“We weren’t planning on it,” Laura bumped Clint who smiled sheepishly.

“I still stand by the fact that they tricked me,” Clint said, pointing at you and Bucky.

“Hey, sometimes you just gotta go for it,” Sam said, distant look in his eyes, his phone beeped and he smiled.

You smiled and nudged Steve, “I know that look.”

“What look?”

“That look means his girlfriend is here,” you said teasingly.

Wanda cooed behind you and Sam rolled his eyes. “I’ll be right back, she’s in the lobby.”

“Sure,” you said disbelievingly.

“He’ll be gone for the rest of the night,” Natasha snorted.

You laughed and Steve smiled. Laura pointed to the bathroom and you watched her get stopped by Pepper halfway through.

“So,” Tony rejoined the group, resting his forearm on Vision’s shoulder. “Anyone else have any announcements they’d like to make? Any more life changes?”

You all laughed but Bucky’s fingers on your hip tightened. You turned to him and he looked down at you.

“What?” You whispered.

“I-”

“- _Steve has a girlfriend_!” Wanda blurted out.

You whipped your head around to look at Steve, then you looked to Natasha who also looked taken aback.

Tony grinned and smacked Steve’s shoulder. “ _Finally_!”

At that, everyone started speaking over each other.

“ _WHAT_?”

“Who is she?”

“Since when?”

“Is it that girl in PR? Marketing? Graphic Design? _Oh_! Is it Nicole? I knew he liked Nicole!”

“No, she’s too modern for him, it has to be that girl we saw with him last week.”

“You saw him with a girl last week?”

“And you told _Wanda_?”

“Hey!”

“You _did_ just tell his secret.”

Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. You couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up.

“Alright, shut up everyone, it’s Steve’s turn to talk,” you clapped your hands, making everyone quiet down.

“Steven, you have the floor,” you said to him.

He shot you a dark look and motioned to the few people around leaning in curiously.

A faint red bubble enveloped you all suddenly and you all turned to Wanda, who’s eye glowed red.

“They can’t hear anything,” she said.

He sighed again, this time louder, and shook his head.

“She is _not_ my girlfriend,” he started and you glanced at Natasha – who was grinning so wide she looked like the Cheshire cat. “We’ve gone on a few dates-”

“How many is a few?” You interrupted.

Steve frowned and you shrugged.

“Hey, if you’re going to confess, confess it right.” An idea came to you and you turned to Bucky.

He was frowning, hand in his pocket, with a strange expression on his face. He jerked his head up at the sound of your voice.

“Did _you_ know?” You asked him, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Of course, he knew,” Natasha said with an eyeroll. “They tell each other everything.”

You watched Bucky and Steve share a meaningful glance.

“Okay, this is _not_ a big deal,” Steve said.

“Are you kidding me?” Tony snorted. “I’m sure you were _hiding_ it because of how much it isn’t a big deal.”

Steve turned his glare onto Tony, who lifted his hands up.

“Listen, you all have the tendency to poke your heads into situations,” he waved at you and Bucky, “remember how everyone got when they were trying to work it out? I just wanted to keep it off the radar for a while, just until I figured out what it was – which _I still haven’t_.”

Everyone frowned, feeling a little chagrined and you straightened.   

“I’d like to point out that you were a main stressor in the beginning, middle, and towards the end of us ‘working it out,’” you crossed your arms.

Steve laughed, his harsh expression melting into a sheepish one. “Okay, you’re right. I was trying to avoid the payback.”

Natasha snorted and Wanda giggled.

“Well,” you sauntered up to him and smacked his shoulder, “prepare yourself.”

Steve groaned and Tony laughed.

“This is going to be delightful to watch,” he said.

“This calls for another round of drinks!” Clint grinned. “I’m happy I’m not the only one who dropped a bomb on this party.”

The red bubble around you all dropped and the stragglers closest to you all tried their best to act like they hadn’t been eavesdropping.

“I don’t want scotch, it doesn’t do anything – it just tastes bad,” Steve complained to Natasha, who still shoved a glass into his hand.

“Maybe we have some of that Asgardian liquor left?” Tony said. “From Shadowman’s birthday.”

You scowled at the nickname and felt Bucky tighten his hold on you.

“It’s okay,” he said into your ear.

Not appeased, you still frowned as everyone scattered, trying to find something to cheers with. Wanda dragged a few chairs together and Laura brought over some food. Bucky sank into a chair and pulled you into his lap.

“Shouldn’t we help?” You whispered, people fluttering around you two.

“You’re always helping, stand still this one time,” he said quietly.

Shrugging, you shifted until you were comfortable.

“Hey,” you said, disrupting the silence.

“Hm?”

“What were you going to say earlier?” You asked.

Bucky’s eyes shifted away from yours and he shook his head. “Nothing important.”

“Seriously?” You shot him a look.

He smiled and tugged on a strand of your hair. Suddenly, the sky darkened ominously.

“Whoa,” you looked up, “what’s happening?”

Bucky straightened and looked towards a thundering cloud. “Is it supposed to rain?”

“ _No_!” Tony shouted abruptly.

You both stood, ready to spring into action.

Tony, however, climbed up on a table and pointed up at the cloud. “Are you listening? _No_! _This is new marble!”_

Lightening streaked across the sky and you smiled.

A loud booming crack rattled the building and a handful of people ran towards the railing. The dark clouds disappeared as suddenly as they arrived and you knew.

“ _Tony_!” A jovial voice cried out.

You walk to the west side of the building and look a few floors down onto Tony’s personal terrace. Thor stood, his large arms waving wildly and a few packages behind him.

“I got your message! I’ve brought gifts!” He looked up at the sky, as if waiting on someone, and you couldn’t help but search as well. “I’ll be up in a moment.”

“Use the elevator!” Tony shouted, frowning.

Thor nodded and disappeared through the French doors. A few women near you started giggling and the music started up again.

“ _Heathens_ ,” Tony scowled, the anger not reaching his eyes.

“This party might get out of hand,” you said, glancing at Wanda.

She nodded and sighed. “It wouldn’t be Tony’s party if it didn’t.”

“True,” you raised your glass and tapped it against hers. “Here’s to making it through.”

“To making it through to the end,” she downed her half-filled glass in one go.

Bucky pointed towards Steve and Natasha. “I’m going to go make sure Natasha isn’t interrogating him.” You nodded, kissing him before he darted off.

You spotted Sam walking out the main elevators, Zola right behind im.

“Hey!” You greeted. “It’s been a while!”

Zola smiled and hugged you both. “Trains go from New York to D.C. you know,” she teased.

“Ah, but New York City is so much more superior,” you said.

She rolled her eyes. “I forgot how much you two like it here.”

You laughed and she wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist.

“So, what’d we miss?” Sam asked.

Wanda laughed. “Steve has a girlfriend and Thor is-”

“ _Greetings!”_ Thor’s voice boomed throughout the rooftop.

“-here.”

Zola turned, eyes going straight to Thor’s tall, imposing, build and flushed.

“Hey,” Sam nudged her, “I’m right here.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

He rolled his eyes.

“We’ve come to the conclusion that it’s an Asgardian thing – they’re all on a different level.”

Sam wrinkled his nose. “Did you forget about Loki?”

Wanda shrugged. “He was evil, not ugly.”

You nodded and laughed when Sam gagged.

“You two should be ashamed of yourselves,” he huffed.

“ _Yeah_ ,” you dragged out the vowels, “we’re going to go be ashamed closer to the God of Thunder.”

Wanda laughed and you both started working your way towards Thor.

“Coming Zola?”

You smothered a laugh at how quickly she darted after you both.

\----

“Next time don’t wait so long to visit,” you told Thor.

He laughed, his eyes shone. “I forget how long a year can be here, it’s but a blink for Asgardians.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, yes, you’re holiness. I forget we’re in the presence of a God.”

“Most planets find it customary to kneel in front of a God when welcoming them,” he said jokingly.

Smacking your hand against his shoulder, and succeeding in only hurting yourself, you huffed at him.

“Where is the soldier?” Thor asked, glancing around the roof. “You two are never far from one another.”

“You know, we’re two different people,” you joked.

Thor smiled and took one of your hands, “Ah, but you are one spirit two bodies.”

You flushed at the implication and smiled. “No, two – spirits – _and_ two bodies.”

“You two still refute this, _ah_ you humans are entertaining,” he laughed and shook his head. “I know you will see it soon.”

“I’m glad I can be of service as entertainment,” you said dryly, still smiling at him.

He grinned. “Come, we must make sure everyone is still standing.”

“It’s only been an hour,” you said.

“But I have given them a new barrel of Asgardian malt,” he stood, offering his elbow, “I don’t want them to be too eager.”

Remembering the last time they’d all drank Asgard’s version of moonshine, you nodded. “Yeah, alright.”

You’d taken a few steps into the common room and heard Sam in what seemed like the middle of a speech.

Zola sat on an ottoman, face half hidden behind her hand, her face a little flushed.

“One of my good friends just leant me a book – there she is!”

Everyone turned to look in your direction. You smiled, waved, and pushed yourself behind Thor - who laughed cheerfully - and let you cling to his arm.

“She let me this book that made me realize,” his voice slurred, letting you know he’d managed to get into the Asgardian moonshine, but he continued. “It was a book of famous classical poetry that –”

A group of people in the far-left corner caught your eye. Natasha was smacking Bucky in the shoulder and Steve was frowning.

What is that? You stepped forward, about to make your way over to them, when the crowd laughed.

Sam stood unsteadily, eyes a little glazed over and he raised his glass.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” he announced, clamoring onto the table in front of him.

“Not the table,” Tony groaned, “if that breaks, you buy it Wilson!”

Wanda, who was already giggling loudly and drunkenly swaying, swung her glass into the air and spilled half of it onto the floor.

Rhodey laughed and tried to crouch down and help clean up the spill. Half way through, he collapsed back onto the sofa and shook his head.

“I may have taken too many shots in a very short amount of time,” he admitted, shutting his eyes.

“First and foremost, I want to wish our boy a Happy Birthday,” cheers erupted from around him, glasses clinking, and Steve whirled around and smiled. “You may be Captain America to everyone else but you’re just Steve to us. The same old Steve who hates making a big deal out of his birthday-”

“-no matter how much his friends want to!” Tony called out.

Laugher echoed through the crowd and Steve chuckled.

“-the same Steve who sees passed everyone’s walls, the one who knows how to be a friend. Cheers!”

Thor’s cheered the loudest, downing a large gulp of beer and smacked his glass down.

Sam swayed but didn’t climb down from the coffee table. “Second, I’d like to congratulate one of our own – Mr. Hawkeye himself – on having another bun in the oven.”

You turned your gaze to Laura, who laughed amusedly, and Clint who was mid-drink. He stopped, raised his glass, and continued to gulp it down.

“We gotta thank our fairy godfather – Tony Stark- for throwing the best Fourth of July party on the east coast!”

The crowd shouted in agreement.

Tony’s face scrunched up and he shook his head.

Choking, you turned your face into Thor’s arm to muffle your laughter. _Fairy godfather_ – you were never letting that one die down.

A hand on your arm startled you. Turning, you found Bucky’s small smile and you pulled him closer.

“Barnes!” Thor bellowed, grin on his face.

Bucky nodded, stumbling when Thor hit his shoulder.

“We’ll be right back,” he told Thor, who nodded, smiling broadly.

You followed Bucky’s lead to the indoor kitchen, where only a lone bartender lingered by the sink.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?” You asked.

“I’m fine,” he said, pulling you to the windows. “I haven’t seen much of you today.”

You slide your arms around his neck. “I know, with the party, Steve, and Laura. It got out of hand quickly.”

Bucky smiled, “I know.”

“I haven’t seen Natasha today either,” you frowned, “I saw you three together in there, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he said, brining a comforting hand to your shoulder.

Narrowing your eyes, you nodded disbelievingly and he sighed.

“I promise, it was nothing.”

You checked your watch to find that the fireworks were going to be going off soon. Letting it go for tonight, you lean your head on his shoulder, swayed with him to the faint music drifting in from the open doors.

“This party always goes on for while,” you sighed, resisting the urge to rub your eyes. “I hope we don’t find any stragglers in the morning.”

Bucky snorted. “I’m sure we will.”

You frowned and dropped your head back to his shoulder.

After a few minutes, you felt his hands squeeze you. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you all night.”

“Right,” you straightened, “what’s up?”

When he quieted, you frowned.

“Is it about the fireworks?” You asked lowly. “We don’t need to be up here when they start, don’t worry. I asked Steve and he’s being bullheaded. I know he doesn’t like the sound but wants to be up here when they do-”

You stopped your rambling when you noticed his wide smile.

“What?” You asked, a little confused. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he shook his head, “I’m just – _we’re_ lucky to have you.”

You smiled, a little thrown off. “Thank you.”

“If that wasn’t it, what did you want to talk about? The next mission?”

“No, I thought…I thought it would be better, after – well – _everything_ , if we discussed it instead of just assuming…”

“Discuss what?” You prompted.

Bucky smiled softly. “I wanted to talk about how you felt about-”

A loud roar came from the party outside and it seemed like the cheering rattled the entire building.

“Birdman!” Thor’s voice boomed. “I congratulate you! We must celebrate!”

“What is happening out there?” You muttered.

The bartender leaned out the doors and smiled. “Falcon announced he’s getting married.”

You grinned, “Really?”

When you turned back to Bucky, he was scowling.

 _Of course_ , you wanted to smack yourself. Again, it all revolved around the unasked question.

 _Was he trying to propose? At a party?_ You thought, incredulous. That was out of his comfort zone, especially for Bucky.

You thought back to your conversation with Steve. _He’s getting to it, I promise – I know how much you’re waiting for this but trust me, he’s been waiting longer._

Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you wondered – _had he wanted to make the same announcement as Sam? Celebrate with your friends and family while they were all finally in one place?_

“Buck?” You asked quietly.

This seemed to jolt him out of his mind. “Yeah?”

“You said you wanted to discuss something?” You said, trying not to sound too hopeful and encouraging at the same time.

His eyes drifted out the doors and you recognized Pepper’s voice.

“There you guys are! Sam’s looking for you two, we’re taking pictures!”

You were about to tell her to start without you when Bucky took a step towards her.

“Yeah, we’re coming.”

“I thought-” you started.

“We can talk about it later,” he looked down at you, smile not reaching his eyes.

_Of course not._

Sighing, you let yourself be pulled to where everyone was piled atop of Sam. Steve had a wide smile and wide eyes.

“Me? Best man?” Steve asked, a little awed.

You smiled, despite your frustration, when you noticed a few empty glasses around him.

The only thing that could ever manage to get Steve and Bucky drunk – was any alcohol Thor managed to smuggle back to earth. Since it wasn’t a common occurrence, whenever Steve did end up tipsy, you all found it comical.

“Yeah!” Sam said, smile just as wide. “Of course, man, you’re my best friend.”

“Sam, I can’t believe – _of course_ -”

“You gotta share it with Mia – Riley’s sister. I promised her she could be my best woman at my wedding,” Sam explained.

“So, the cat’s out of the bag,” Zola said, coming up to you.

You grinned, not wanting to be a sore loser in the face of your friend’s joy.

“Congratulations!”

She hugged you, Wanda managing to wiggle into it halfway through. Before you knew it, the entire group joined in.

“I’m suffocating,” you said after a few minutes at the epicenter.

“The ring!” Wanda shouted, making a few people jump. “Let’s see the ring!”

Zola smiled, removing a chain from underneath her shirt and you couldn’t help the happy noise that came out of you.

“It’s beautiful,” you said, shooting Sam a proud look. “Aw, Wilson, you’re gonna make me cry!”

Sam smiled, draping an arm around you. “It was my great-grandmother’s.”

“And I love it,” Zola said, leaning in for a kiss.

“Alright kids, I don’t mean to break up the lovefest but I’d like to let everyone know that the fireworks are starting in five minutes. If you want a good seat I suggest you move towards the side that faces the river!”

Tony clapped Sam on the back and smiled. “Congrats Wilson.”

People moved towards the side of the building, settling down in chairs and the couches. The twelve of you stayed put, still offering up your congratulations to Sam.

“So, this seemed to be the night of announcements,” Natasha said, coming up next to you.

You let your eyes travel to Bucky, who was being handed a large drink by Thor. A very tipsy looking Steve was pouring himself one as well. His scowl was still in place as he downed his first drink.

“Yeah,” you sighed, “I’m glad we were all together for once, it’s nice to celebrate good news around family.”

Natasha turned to you and you smiled at her. She shot you a knowing look and bumped your shoulder with her good one.

“Maybe sometime soon we could celebrate more good news?”

You eyed her suspiciously but before you could prod anymore, Clint came over with two glasses.

“I haven’t seen either of you with a drink in your hand for at least an hour and that’s a crime,” he handed you a short glass and you sniffed it.

“If this isn’t from earth, I’m not drinking it,” you sipped it cautiously.

Clint laughed. “I promise, it’s from the bottle behind the bar.”

“Well, when in Rome,” Natasha said before chugging it down.

“Natasha!”

“What? You heard the man, it’s a celebration.”

“You’re injured,” you pointed to her arm, still in a sling.

“Injured, not dead.” Clint snorted.

You rolled your eyes and turned to survey your little family. Catching Tony’s eye, you hesitated. You never liked getting too heavy handed with alcohol around him. Your worry must be evident because he shot you a stern look.

 _I’m fine_ he mouthed.

Frowning, you shook your head. _Are you sure?_

He nodded and pointed to the drink in your hand. _I’m okay._

It’d been a while since you last drank, missions and work not usually allowing for much time.

Well, _c’est la vie_.

With a deep inhale, you tipped the contents of your drink upward and Natasha cheered.

You spent a few minutes talking about the new baby when a loud cracking noise erupted from your left and a cascade of bright colors blinded you.

“Fireworks!”

You slipped through the crowd towards Bucky. He turned as you approached and you smiled at his flushed complexion.

“Had a few already?” You joked, not wanting to be awkward.

He sighed, pulled you into him and rested his chin on your head.

“You okay?” You asked, as another firework went off in the distance.

Bucky kissed your temple and managed to shoot you a small smile.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

* * *

Before you had even opened your eyes, before you’d slipped out of unconsciousness really, your head throbbed painfully.

Your brain felt like it was going to _explode_.

Groaning, you cracked an eye just to slam it closed when the sun promptly melted your cornea.

_Nope. No sir. The sun was an enemy who wanted you to die._

You sat up slowly and shut your eyes tightly when the room spun.

 _Or_ maybe, you were just going to accept that the couch was your new home and you’d never have to move again.

“What the fuck?” You muttered as you squinted around the room.

You were on the sectional in the common room, covered by a few throw blankets. You still had your clothes from last night on and one of your shoes was sitting in the potted plant by the window.

Your brain was still buffering when a blonde head abruptly popped up from behind the sectional, hair in disarray.

Clutching the blanket to your chest, you relaxed once you recognized Steve’s voice.

“Where – what?” He said and you grimaced at the volume.

“Don’t yell,” you whispered.

“I’m not yelling,” he answered, turning to look at you. “I don’t know how you guys do this all the time if this is what happens afterward.”

“I _don’t_ do it all the time,” you said defensively.

“Ugh, my stomach is churning,” Steve used the sofa as a crutch to help him to stand. “I need…coffee…”

At that moment, Bruce walked in, with a smile and amused expression.

“I see you two are finally up,” he said, walking towards the coffee maker.

“Where’s everyone?” You croaked.

Bruce leaned against the counter and pushed his glasses up. “You two were the only ones who managed to stumble into the common room. I was your designated babysitter.”

“Why was I on the floor?” Steve groaned, stretching until his back popped.

Bruce motioned towards you. “She said you weren’t allowed on her couch because you’d said that chocolate milk was stupid.”

“And I listened?” Steve asked.

You snorted and regretted it instantly. “You were on the floor, of course you listened.”

“Everyone else? Bucky?”

“Laura got Bucky, Natasha, and Clint – they’re probably still upstairs. Laura took a room in Tony’s apartment. Tony managed to carry Pepper off and herd everyone else where they wouldn’t hurt themselves,” Bruce bit into an apple and you winced.

“Too loud, too loud,” you flopped back onto your pillow. “I feel like a squashed bug on a windshield.”

“You look like one too,” Tony said, padding in with a sheepish looking Pepper and Sam.

You sat back up, massaging your temples. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Pepper yawned, reaching for a clean mug. “Coffee.”

Slowly, everyone else made their way into kitchen and living room. Clint, Laura, and Tony start on coffee and breakfast. Natasha flopped onto the other side of the couch and groaned.

“Oh!” You said a few moments later, the throbbing in your brain finally having gone down a few levels.

“What?” Natasha asked, brows furrowed and eyes still a little squinted.

“I forgot,” you stood slowly and walked to the refrigerator. You pushed a few things aside and pulled out a square double-chocolate cake.

You’d decorated it to look like the American flag and in black letters it said: HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!

“You made that for me?” Steve said, visibly touched.

“’Course,” you said with a smile, leaning onto the kitchen island for support. “I know you said you didn’t want to celebrate it but, everyone should get cake on their birthday.”

Right as you started rummaging around for candles, Bucky and Rhodey appeared – both looking like they’d been hit by a train.

Stifling a laugh, you shake your head at Bucky.

“I told you not to take the last glass of the moonshine,” you ran a hand through his ruffled hair. “Drink some water, you’ll feel better.”

He leaned into your touch and moaned. “I forgot what this felt like.”

Natasha snorted. “For a pair of super soldiers, two you are such babies.”

Steve protested and you rolled your eyes, continuing your hunt for some candles.

You manage to find a few in a random drawer and stick them into the cake. After you all manage to eat some breakfast – you start to light the candles.

“If I eat another bite, I’ll puke,” Laura said with a grimace, “seriously.”

“That’s okay honey, I’ll eat your slice,” Clint joked.

Steve straightened, despite his exhausted expression and smiled widely when you placed the cake in front of him.

“Happy Birthday to you…”

Managing to butcher the song, as always, you cheered the loudest your muddled brain could manage before handing Steve a knife.

Sam groaned as he took his first bite. “Seriously kid, you make the best cake I’ve ever tasted.”

Zola smiled and shook her empty fork at you. “Oh, just wait, we’ll hussle you into making our wedding cake.”

Shaking your head you smiled regardless and accepted the compliments. Steve wrapped his arms around you and squeezed tightly.

“Thanks kiddo,” he kissed your forehead and ruffled your hair. “I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t make me spit on your piece,” you elbowed him, “and you’re welcome.”

He grinned and handed you a plate with a large piece in the middle.

Everyone carried their plates to the sectional, Natasha and Clint hopping up on the kitchen island.

Tony had started to reprimand them for always climbing on the furniture when you turned towards the terrace. You wanted to eat yours outside, wanting a breath of fresh air – despite the humidity.

Bucky came up behind you and gave you a sugary kiss. You could tell by the furrow of his brow and wince at the sun – even in the shade – that he was still nursing a pretty bad hangover.

“How much did you drink last night?” You asked, laughing.

He shook his head. “Never again.”

You smiled, “You two always overdo it. You’re given an inch and you run miles.”

“I always forget somehow.”

At that, you straightened. “Buck, about yesterday – how much do you remember?”

“Everything is a little fuzzy,” he said.

You’d always been good at reading Bucky. Even before you started dating, when you were barely friends, you’d always have some inclination about what he was thinking. So, when his expression when carefully blank and he smiled a little too wide, you knew he was lying.  

“Do you remember when we went into the kitchen?” You asked, not wanting to let this go. “Right before Sam made his announcement?”

When he didn’t answer, you continued.

“We were talking and-”

“No – no I don’t,” he said suddenly, his eyes on the cake on his plate.

Frowning, you placed your plate on the chair next to you. “Well,” you said delicately, “if you do remember, I wouldn’t mind having that discussion.”

His head reared, surprised. You met his stare head on, dipping your head once. After a few minutes, a minuscule smile appeared on his face. You took his hand and kissed his knuckles, pulling him to you.

“Okay,” he said eventually, his expression softening.

“ _Okay_ ,” you reiterated.

After a few beats of comfortable silence, you stood. “Come on, let’s go get some more cake.”

“Hey,” he tugged on you as you came back into the den.

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” he said.

You smiled, slowly, and shrugged. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew this would happen and even I’m frustrated for Bucky.
> 
> You guuuuuuys, the next one finally brings us to a close! Again, any feedback is incredibly encouraging.


	7. Attempt No. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this one grew some legs and ran away from me. Prepare yourselves for a lengthy final chapter.
> 
> Aaaaand without further ado -

You sat at your table calmly as the alarm in your lab screeched.

**_DANGER PLEASE PROCEED TO THE NEAREST DISINFECTANT SHOWER DANGER-_ **

Water pooled at your feet as you tried not to shiver in the thin bathrobe you’d taken. Your clothes – your favorite pair of jeans – were in a bio-hazard disposal bag waiting to be burnt to a crisp, as was the protocol.

Taking deep, slow breaths, you tried not to be angry with yourself. Your team, who had gotten caught in the crossfires with you, had adamantly waved off your apologies and were getting cleaned up now.

You hadn’t set off an alarm in years, not even when you were twelve. You honestly didn’t know what was more mortifying; the fact that you had been the one to decided to work with the hazardous chemical _because_ you’d never had a code red or that you were so frustrated that you cried in the shower right after.

This was it – _this_ was the week that was going to kill you. You slumped and put your forehead on the counter. You knew better than to work with dangerous chemicals when you were this exhausted. You hadn’t slept in well over two days and you had throbbing migraine. The press was going to have a field day.  

 _“Miss?”_ Friday called out. _“The team has been notified and is on their way down. Mr. Stark is flying back.”_

Before you could even digest that, you saw Natasha and Steve rush in through the elevator doors. The glass doors to your lab were sealed and wouldn’t be unsealed until the entire building was cleared. You didn’t even want to know what Natasha had done to gain access to the floor.

“ _Zaika_?” Natasha asked, her voice muffled and expression worried. “Are you okay? What happened?”

The siren was still wailing, albeit muffled, but you could barely hear over it.

“Friday, open audio please,” you said tiredly.

“Kiddo?” Steve called out when you just dropped your forehead to the glass.

“Everyone’s fine,” you huffed.

Natasha frowned. “The building was put on lock down due to a code red bio-terrorist attack. We thought someone had-”

“What?” You straightened. “No – I just – I dropped a vial of a chemical strain that’s poisonous. We needed to clear the area and let Friday do the rest of the work. There’s no - _attack_. Jesus, Tony’s going to have a stroke.”

“Yeah, already had one,” Tony’s voice came through the speakers.

He stepped in through the private entrance towards the east, still half in his Iron Man suit.

“Friday told me it was a false alarm but-”

“-you had to come see for yourself,” you finished for him and thumped your head back onto the glass. “I am _mortified_.”

And you were. This was a rookie mistake that the entire building would know by this afternoon. God, you were going to be the bud of every joke for the entire year.

“Hey, it happens, remember the damage we did to New York when Loki tried to take over the world?” Steve said lightly, trying to get you to laugh.

Your frown deepened and Steve shrugged as if to say, _I tried._

“ _Zaika_ ,” Natasha said in her instructor’s voice.

Reflexively, you straightened and squared your shoulders back.

She smiled at you and nodded. “Chin up, eyes clear.”

You nodded, still feeling a bit down but knowing better than to drag on your pity party.

“I’m fine, everyone’s fine, the hazmat team will be here soon. You guys continue doing whatever it is that you were doing,” you waved them off.

“ _Mr. Stark? Miss? I’m having a bit of trouble placating Sergeant Barnes. He’s threatening to break the doors if I don’t let him out,”_ Friday said, tone disapproving and urgent.

You rolled your eyes. “Natasha-”

She’d already turned towards the elevators. “On it.” Tony and Steve huffed, each waving and going their own ways.

“Friday, could you please open video conference with Medical Suite 1C?”

“Certainly.”

The glass wall darkened and a video feed of Bucky slamming his palm on the door appeared.

“ _Friday! Let me out or I’ll break it!”_

“Buck?” You called out.

He whirled around and tilted ominously.

“You just broke both your legs,” you hissed, “ _lay down_ you lunatic.”

He hobbled over to the screen and put his hand up. “Friday said the code red was in your lab, what happened?”

“I won’t tell you until you lie down,” you said.

“ _Doll_ …” he growled.

“You broke both legs yesterday on a recon mission and your arm is out of service. That means you have a _single_ working limb to catch you should anything happen. Park your ass down Barnes or I’ll sic Natasha on you.”

“Too late,” Natasha came in through the door and helped Bucky onto his bed. “Don’t make me smack you.”

Bucky sat up and pointed at you. “ _What. Happened_.”

“Nothing. Apparently, I’m a rookie and dropped something I shouldn’t have. This is just protocol. The system read it as a chemical attack until Friday could override it,” you huffed. “Will you please calm down? I’ll need to finish up here before I can come down now.”

Bucky frowned. “No one’s hurt?”

“Just my fragile pride,” you sighed.

“Which will survive,” Natasha shot you a look.

You waved it off and pointed to the IV he’d pulled out. “Can you call a nurse he knows or Bruce to come put that back in?”

“I don’t need it,” he interjected.

“It’s helping you heal your legs within days instead of weeks – do you _want_ to suffer?” You said, getting annoyed.

Before Bucky could snip back, Natasha stood and blocked him. “Okay! You two are getting a time out. Barnes, stop being a baby – you’re getting the IV put back in. You, stop being cranky and go help the biohazard team. Okay? I’ll talk to you when you’re allowed out.”

The screen went black and you sighed.

“Director?” One of the new assistants called out timidly, her hair drenched and wrapped in a blanket. “The team is here.”

“I’m coming,” you mumbled.

\----

You were sprawled on your couch, head hanging off the end, and frowning at your TV.

“Hey,” Bucky said, voice light and tentative.

Lifting your head, you watched him swing on his crutches until he flopped onto the couch next to you.

“Hey,” you said quietly.

Bucky lifted your legs and settled them on his lap.

“Your legs-”

“-will be fine, relax _iubire_ ,” he said.

You eyed him, making sure you weren’t putting too much pressure on his knees and settled in.

After a few beats, and numerous medical commercials, Bucky sighed.

“Since when do you watch CNN at ten at night?” He asked, looking for the remote.

Nodding towards the coffee table, he frowned. You knew you should offer to get up and get it for him but you didn’t.

“Since my stupid mistake cost the Stark Industries stock to go down and the evening news questioned our principals and ability to function as a company,” you said miserably.

In reality, you shouldn’t be watching the news – that had always been Pepper and Tony’s first rule. You don’t google anything, you don’t read anything, and you don’t watch anything. But still, you couldn’t help but feed the little insecure, anxious monster inside you.

 _Who told you that you could be Director? Why did you ever think that was possible?_ It whispered at you. _You’re out of your depth, you’re a disappointment._

“ _Iubire_ ,” Bucky pulled your hand until you sat up. “I have no doubt that Tony did more damage to the company image in 2008 than you did this afternoon.” 

Smiling despite yourself, you shook your head. “It doesn’t matter, _I_ did this,” you waved a hand towards the television where a journalist was reporting from outside the lobby.

“Friday, can you change the channel?”

“ _Certainly._ ”

The screen flickered until it settled on the history channel, Bucky’s favorite.

“Hey,” you felt him tap your chin. “Look at me.”

You reluctantly turned to meet his gaze and huffed when he didn’t immediately say anything.

“What?” You sighed.

“I want to hear you say it,” he said, eyes holding you captive.

“Say what?”

“You know what.”

You heaved a dramatic sigh and a corner of Bucky’s mouth twitched. “Come on.”

“I’m a good person, I’m only human, and my mistakes don’t define me,” you mumbled.

Everyone on the team had filtered through therapy over the years – this most recent round had Bucky coming away with mantras you needed to repeat when feeling crappy.

You’d never gotten around to finding one you liked but Bucky always made you repeat his when you were upset.

“What was that?” He said, craning forward and tapping his ear.

You smiled. “I’m a good person, I’m only human, and _my mistakes don’t define me_.”

Bucky leaned back into the cushions and nodded. “Good, now you just need to believe it. We all make mistakes doll, it’s human. You’re good at what you do and you’re the best there is. Don’t let people who don’t know any better,” he motioned to the TV, “tell you any different. You’re here because you belong there.”

You let the words sink in and nodded after a few minutes.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier,” you said, picking at your nails. “I didn’t mean to; I know you were just trying to make sure I was okay.”

Bucky intertwined his fingers with yours and squeezed reassuringly. “I shouldn’t have snapped back at you either. I was just worried – Friday wouldn’t tell me anything beyond the initial code red.”

“I know,” you lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. You suddenly pulled back and Bucky frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know you don’t usually get sick,” you said, trying to think about it, “but…a few of us seemed to have gotten something after the disinfectant.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, pressing a hand to your forehead.

You tried to stifle a smile. Bucky _always_ assumed you had a fever, despite never being able to tell when you did.

“Friday?” You called out for help.

“ _The Director is showing signs of a throat infection and upper respiratory infection. Mrs. Adler, Ms. Suarez and Mr. Yoon have also presented similar symptoms.”_

“Is it because of the chemical?” He asked.

You shrugged. “We were all cleared by two medics. We’re not sure what it could it be but it’s probably related. I’m the one that dropped it and my exposure was minimal, if that.”

“Then what?”

“ _Due to protocol, everyone had to take multiple showers in different disinfectants. The temperature in the laboratory was set at a lower level to stop the bacteria from spreading. Unfortunately, this seemed to compromise some immune systems.”_

“Thank you, Friday,” you said quietly.

“So….”

“We all stood soaking wet in a freezer for an hour and most of us got sick. Elena and Sung-Min just have colds. I’m the only one who had to be hosed down so many times to be sure,” you shrugged. “It’s probably not any more serious than a regular infection.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” you smiled, “I feel _fine_.”

\----

It took exactly twenty-four hours for you to regret your flippant attitude.

You heard your front door open and a familiar voice call out your name. You tried to summon the energy to answer but all you accomplished was lifting your head. After a minute, you became too tired and slumped over.

“ _Maco_?” Wanda called out, her footsteps coming close towards your bedroom. “You missed your debriefing this morning and Pepper asked me to – _Maco_!”

Wanda jumped to the side to avoid stepping on you.

“Are you alright?”

You opened an eye, squinting at the sudden bright light and groaned.

She crouched down, pressing a hand to your cheek. “You’re too warm, Friday?”

“ _Her current temperature is 101.57,”_ Friday announced. “ _I’ve been instructed to let the med bay know in four hours, after Mr. Stark is done with the press conference.”_

“Of course,” Wanda huffed, “what are you doing on the floor?” 

“The floor was cooler than my bed,” you said, your eyelids burning. “I was trying to get some water but the walk was too far. I had to lie down.”

“On the floor?” Her eyebrow rose.

“Yes?”

Wanda frowned. “Where’s Bucky?”

“Went Upstate a few hours ago.” You closed your eyes again; it was too exhausting to keep them open. “Bruce wanted to do final scans on his legs to make sure they were healing right.”

“And he left you like this?” She asked, disbelief evident in her tone.

You tried to sit up, failed, and slumped back down onto your bedroom floor. “Yeah, I pretended I was asleep when he was saying goodbye.”

Wanda slipped a hand under each your arms but you were dead weight, even for her. She huffed and waved a hand until you floated into the air and into your bed.

“ _Oof_.” You sunk into your bed and mumbled your thanks.

“I’m going to bring you some soup, you need to stay hydrated. Why haven’t you called for a doctor?” Wanda tucked you into the bed, the blankets feeling nice. “You know how Tony gets.”

“No, he’s got an important meeting at noon,” you said, grabbing her wrist. “Please, don’t tell him. He’ll drop everything and come pace a hole into my floors. Besides, it’s just an infection, my fever broke this morning before it spiked up, I spent the night hydrating. I’m just worried it has something to do with the chemical – four hours from now won’t kill me.”

“ _Maco_ ,” she sighed, “he’s going to find out eventually anyway.”

“ _Eventually_ ,” you stressed. “He’s already stuck in meetings all day because of my mistake on Wednesday. If he misses them, it looks even worse on the company.”

“Okay,” Wanda said after a while, with a sigh. “You’re an adult and if this is what you want to do, wait until you feel worse, then I’ll keep your stupid secret.”

“Thank you, Wanda,” you said, pulling the covers around you. “I’m going to take a nap. By the time I wake up it should be time to go get checked out anyway.”

Wanda huffed and you felt her cool fingers press against your cheek. Your eyes closed and you buried into your bed.

It was just four hours…

\----

You woke up suddenly, jerking up, and your entire body cracked like you were an eighty-year-old woman.

“Ouch, _Jesus fu_ -”

“Ah, _language_ ,” Tony said, jerking a finger towards Steve, who stood by the door, “the old ball and chain doesn’t like it when you use expletives.”

“Tony you’re supposed to be in a meeting right now,” you frowned, “and you were supposed to stay quiet.”

Wanda sat in one of the chairs in the far corner and she shot you a worried look. “You got worse – quickly. I called Steve and he called-”

“ _Me_ ,” Tony said, tone serious, “your fever rose to a hundred and three, Giggles. I gave you some antibiotics and fluids. You should be feeling better – your fever went down in the last hour.”

You looked up, realizing that a saline bag hung above your head. Damn, if you slept through setting up an IV then you must’ve been out of it.

“Tony, I’m _fine_ -”

“-yeah, now that I took care of it,” he said, coming up to brush your forehead.

“ _Sergeant Barnes’ jet has been cleared for landing, his estimated arrival time is in five minutes_ ,” Friday announced.

You let your head lull to the side and you scowled at them. “You guys called Bucky back? It’s just a fever! I barely got it this morning.”

“Kiddo,” Steve said, “how long do you think you’ve been sleeping?”

“Since Wanda found me this morning, what time is it?”

“That was over twelve hours ago,” Wanda said.

You blinked. Steve frowned, his expression worried. Tony, however, just snorted.

“She’s been like that since she was little,” Tony said with a half-smile. “When she was twelve, she caught a nasty bout of swine flu that was going around. ‘Was knocked on her ass for three days, totally incoherent and when she woke, she thought she’d fallen asleep in school.”

He pressed his cheek to your forehead and you stilled. It was so reminiscent of your mother, that you had to bite your cheek from tearing up.

“You’re cooling down now,” Tony changed the ice packs he had on your neck and you sighed at the coolness. “Pepper took over all the meetings, she’s the _actual_ CEO you know – I’m just a figurehead. Besides, it looked less biased coming from her.”

“How’d it go?” You asked, shifting.

“Perfect. The stock is already rising back up,” he smiled, “I had to practically push Pepper into the helicopter so she’d make her meeting in Miami.”

You frowned and picked at a peeling cuticle. “You know, I _can_ take care of myself; I’d already had Friday set up to let you know I needed a round of antibiotics after your last meeting. I promise, I was going to go to the med bay – I had no indication that it was going to get worse.”

“Yeah, because there were no indicators. The chemical released particles into the air, which you breathed in, and while it’s not spreading - you still got the brunt of it.”

“Of what?”

“It seems that the chemical released a small reaction that mimicked the symptoms of a cold or regular infection, it would’ve continued to progress into pneumonia if Wanda hadn’t called me,” he pointed to the IV, “and I hadn’t put that in.”

You watched him smile smugly and frowned, trying to think of a way around his argument. After a few moments, you sighed, conceding.

Tony snorted and you rolled your eyes. You couldn’t manage the energy to be mad. Besides, the same way you worried over him - he’d always hover protectively over you.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

“So stop acting like one,” he said, pushing aside a stray piece of hair from your forehead. “Besides, you’ll always be my kid, so _tough_.”

You smiled.

“Incoming,” Steve mumbled.

The sound of crutches thumping towards your bedroom had you scrambling to sit up.

“You’ll pull the IV out, _slowly_ , Jesus,” Tony sighed, his steadying hand on your arms.

Bucky swung into the room and took a look around.

“ _What the hell_?” Bucky scowled.

\----

“You’re going to kill me one of these days,” Bucky said, his hand running through your hair, looking up at the half-filled bag of saline.

“It’s a little infection,” you protested, “you’ve seen me bleed out more times than I can count – _this_ is what spooks you?”

“A hazmat team came in to clear your lab and half your team is out with this mysterious infection,” he said pointedly.

“A cold! It’s like a glorified cold!” You insisted.

“It’s that and your inability to admit when you need help,” Bucky said, his voice serious.

“Some people would say my stubbornness is endearing,” you said.

He huffed and his hands stilled. “I’m serious, you can’t keep trying to push through stuff – even the small things like this.”

“I know,” you took his hand in yours and sighed. “Would you believe me if I said I was going to go see a doctor? I just didn’t want to draw more attention to the fact that I’d fucked up. Especially with a lobby full of reporters.”

You looked up and Bucky gave you a small smile. “I understand that.”

“Besides, you’ve got to admit, you’re all a _bit_ protective. I don’t see you all acting like Chicken Little for the other sick employees on my team.”

“ _Iubire-_ ” he stopped, “what’s Chicken Little?”

You glared at him and he rolled his eyes.

“No, I’d be _concerned_ for them but-”

“Aha!”

“ _But_ ,” Bucky squeezed your hand, “I’m not their family – _we_ – are your family. You always told me that I needed to realize I’m not a one-man team anymore. Maybe you need to realize that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You climbed your way up with your own merits.”

“It’s not that easy,” you mumbled quietly. “It’s different for me. The second anyone hears my name, hey always look at me like they expect something from me.”

“I know,” he said quietly, his fingers dancing along your cheekbone, “but you got to the top, maybe it’s time to just enjoy the view.”

You deflated. You’d known you tended to be defensive, especially when anyone questioned your ability to do your job – either of them. You’d worked hard to get where you were – Director of Stark Labs and a member of the Avengers. It hadn’t been easy and you hated the implication that you’d gotten where you were because of who you knew and not who you were.

“You’re right,” you sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m going to try – I’m not promising anything – but, I’m going to try to be less hard-headed. If our positions were reversed….” You trailed off, remembering the countless times Bucky’s been hurt and why Steve never let you two be partners on missions.

“Hey,” Bucky said quietly, his look softening. “I understand better than anyone how hard it can be but, you’re not alone.”

“I know,” you said – and you did. “How did I get so lucky?”

At that, Bucky laughed, his eyes lighting up.

“Doll, I’m definitely the lucky one.” He kissed your forehead and squeezed your shoulder.

You went to argue but you yawned mid-sentence and Bucky smiled.

“We can pick this up tomorrow, let’s go to sleep,” he said and helped you move towards your side of the bed, arranging your IV carefully.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked.

“Anything.”

You smiled at his lack of hesitance and pointed towards your poetry book.

“Will you please, _please_ , read to me? Just for a little,” you widened your eyes and stuck out your lower lip.

Bucky huffed and reached out to take the book.

“Yes,” you cried, curling towards him. “You’re the best boyfriend in the entire world.”

His nose wrinkled and you snorted.

“I told you to pick something else-”

“-I haven’t thought of anything yet, I’ve been to busy taking care of you,” he interrupted.

“- _until you do_ ,” you said loudly, “I’m going to keep saying it.”

Bucky shot you a look and you grinned. “Go on.”

“ _How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height..._”

* * *

“I always forget how much of a baby you are once you’re passed the tough guy act,” Tony said, taking a bite of his apple.

“Do you need to chew so _loudly_?” You asked, shoving a tissue up your nose.

It’d been ten days since you’d passed out and you’d downgraded from bedbound – to just plain sick.

“Yes,” Tony, taking a louder bite.

“ _Children_ ,” Pepper chided from the kitchen, “don’t make me put you in time out.”

You frowned and dropped your head onto the cool dining table. “I’m sick, make him be nice to me.”

“I’m always nice to you. In fact, I think a lot of people would argue that I’m nicest _to_ you.”

“That’s true,” Pepper called from the kitchen.

“Lies,” you hissed, rubbing at your temples in a pathetic attempt at dulling the throbbing that had taken up permanent residence there.

Pepper placed a large bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of you and a sleeve of Ritz crackers.

“ _Fanks_ ,” you mumbled around the tissue.

She placed a cool hand on your cheek and you leaned into her touch. You knew you were too old to be babied like you were – but at this point, you didn’t even care. You just wanted to be able to breath through one of your nostrils, was that too much to ask?

“Where’s James?” Pepper asked, picking up a sushi roll with her chopsticks. “I told him to come with you if he was free.”

You shot Tony a look and snorted.

“What?” He asked, mid-bite. “I’m chewing quietly!”

“He’s never stepped foot into this part of the tower,” you swallowed a mouthful of noodles, “why do you think I came here when we had that big fight?”

Pepper frowned and glanced at Tony. “Stark,” she said, pointing her chopsticks at him.

“I didn’t tell him not to come here,” he said defensively.

You snorted. “Yeah, the same way he didn’t tell you not to come into our apartment.”

“I was there this week! When you tried to be Ms. Tough Guy and passed out on Wanda,” Tony exclaimed.

“Yeah, and that was the first time in how long? Since Bucky first moved in?” You snorted and almost choked. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it – we all know the situation is a bit – _delicate_.”

At that, Pepper snorted. Tony turned to her, aghast, but she continued chewing on her salmon roll.

“Besides, he was going to the compound with Steve,” you said, “Bruce said his legs are mostly healed by now. He needed to help with the minor fractures with some machine he has up there. They’re still stiff and I think there’s something off about his left knee cap.”

“Have you ever thought of med school? Maybe that way you’d be able to accurate diagnose yourself-”

You chucked a cracker at him and he huffed.

“Now you’re just being childish,” Tony said, giving Pepper a look.

She sighed and pointed to his plate. “Eat your sushi.”

You’d just finished you bowl and was in the middle of a loud debate about your upcoming project when Friday’s voice interrupted.

“ _Captain Rogers is requesting to be patched in_ ,” Friday announced. “ _He’s thirteen minutes from landing and requesting clearance to land. Should I put him through?”_

You furrowed your brows. “They’re not supposed to be back until tonight.”

“Go ahead Friday.”

“ _Stark_?” Steve’s voice came on overhead.

You straightened, that was Steve’s _Captain America_ voice.

“What happened?” You asked, already starting to worry. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Steve said, “just a little shaken up.”

“What happened?” Tony said, already walking over to the main control panel in the dining room. His hands flew over the screens and within seconds Steve’s face popped up. He smiled, eyes sad, when he saw you.

“Bruce had Bucky do a few laps around the gym – to see how his knee was healing - we were fine, joking about something when there was an explosion in one of the labs-”

“An _explosion_?” You all but shouted.

Pulling your phone out, you brought up the reports already piling up on your feed.

“Nothing major, you know it happens all the time. Bruce got it under control within minutes.”

“So, you’re all okay?” Pepper asked.

“Yeah,” he glanced over his shoulder and frowned. “Bucky wasn’t….it was too sudden. We were joking, not expecting anything, and I think it triggered something. He started having a panic attack and lashing out until a medic sedated him.”

You slumped, groaning.

“I know,” he sighed, “he’s still out but, Bruce thought it would be best to bring him back here. We thought he’d feel better if he woke up in his own bed - his own space. We’re landing in five.”

Already standing, you nodded. “Meet you on the roof.”

“Put on a sweater!” Steve shouted as you passed him by.

“You’re still sick!” Tony yelled out right after.

You rolled your eyes, grabbed one of Tony’s hoodies from the closet and slid it on.

“Hey, no, let her go. We’d only be in the way,” you heard Pepper say as you slid out the dining room and towards the elevators.

\----

“Be honest,” you said as he helped transfer Bucky onto your bed, “how bad was it?”

Steve sank into the chair by the windows and rubbed a hand across his face. “In comparison to his old ones? Not bad…”

“But?”

“But he hasn’t had a set back in a long time,” Steve sighed. “You know how he gets when he takes a few steps back. Remember when he had that night terror a few weeks ago?”

You nodded. Bucky hated when he slid back, even if it was inevitable. You understood how frustrating it could be but, you always found it hard to watch when he was so hard on himself after.

“It’s been long enough,” you said, checking your watch, “why hasn’t he waken up?”

Steve pointed to the tablet in his duffel bag. “Bruce said he’d compile a report and send it to us.”

You found it quickly and frowned. “Why’d they use so much sedative? He’s going to be out for hours.”

“It was a blur,” Steve said, closing his eyes, “it happened really quickly and everyone panicked a little. He was helping the newbies with a bit of training when it – when he-”

Placing a hand over his, Steve huffed.

“He’s going to be so pissed,” Steve frowned.

“Are you okay?” You asked, squeezing his hand. “I know you always stumble back a little when he does.”

“He’s my best friend,” he said.

“I know, he’s mine too,” you said softly, “I get it.”

Steve slumped back into the seat and nodded. “I know you do. I’m sorry – I’m tired but I’m okay. Thanks.”

“You should go get some rest, take a nap, you look like shit,” you said bluntly and smiled innocently, “no offense.”

Steve laughed loudly, grabbing his chest, and you smiled as the shadow over his face lightened.

“None taken. You look better though, Tony finally let up on the house arrest?”

“A little, it helps that I can stand and move around without hacking up a lung,” you said, resting your back against your footboard.

“That’s good, the antibiotics worked then.”

You nodded and pointed to the door. “Stop stalling Rogers, get to sleeping.”

Steve smiled and saluted. “Aye, aye Captain.”

Standing up, you crawled into bed next to Bucky and sighed when you saw a fresh bruise forming on his jaw. He’d probably have a black eye tomorrow.

“Hey, call me when he’s up?” Steve asked, grabbing his duffel.

“Of course,” you said, picking up the tablet and opening Bruce’s file again. You waved as Steve walked out.

You read through the reports, the sedative used, and you’d reached the end when an e-mail caught your eye.

 **_From_ ** _: BBanner@starkindustries.com_

 **_Subject_ ** _: Video feed_

_I thought you’d like to see for yourself. Keep him hydrated and call in Steve if you need help. He went down pretty hard and could come out disoriented. Steve is usually a good bet on keeping him calm. It seems that mid-attack, he tore something in his arm. I’ve sent Tony the photos._

_Both legs, as always, have healed well. I made adjustments to help the right knee snap back into place by itself. I’ve attached the new schedule for his physical therapy. Let me know if you need anything._

You frowned and looked through the images he’d sent of the broken pieces of Bucky’s arm. You answer Bruce, thanking him, and move on to the video attachment.

Within an instant, you find Bucky. You zoom a little, half-smiling when you see him mid laugh with Steve and another agent. Steve points to something to his left and suddenly an alarm goes off.

The windows above them shatter, shards of glass rain down on them and the footage becomes shaky. The blast seems to have been strong enough to have shaken the entire west wing.

Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky, who was swinging at him. His chest heaved and your heart dropped into your stomach.

Bucky managed to toss Steve and a handful of agents aside before a dart hit his neck from somewhere out of frame. He took two steps before collapsing.

Shutting your laptop, you frowned. No one had been seriously injured but you already knew how angry he’d feel when he woke up. This hadn’t been the first time something like this had happened – Bruce and Sam had practically diagnosed you all with PTSD.

It’d taken a good while before you were able to be around guns after you’d been shot. There really wasn’t a way to be an Avenger without having it chip away at you.

So while this wasn’t new, it always broke your heart anyway. You knew how broken he felt coming out of moments like this, how much he hated the loss of control.

You turned to him, his face slack with sleep. Tracing a finger down his jaw, you tried to keep your own emotions at bay. You hated HYDRA for doing this to him, for the fact that life wasn’t fair but damn it, he deserved to get a break.

With a deep breath, you placed your laptop to the side and grabbed your tablet. You opened your files on Bucky’s arm and started sketching. You needed to do something productive, something that wouldn’t let you worry over him.

After a few drafts, it didn’t look like you’d be able to focus on anything anytime soon. Your eyes kept flickering over to Bucky’s bruises.

You bit your nail until it bled and huffed, annoyed at your own nervousness. You gave up trying to concentrate on the files and asked Friday to video call Tony.

“You know it takes, minimum, three minutes to go up one floor to my lab?” Tony asked.

You smiled at the sound of his voice, the knot in your chest loosening just a little.

“I know, I can’t leave him alone – he’s not awake yet,” you said quietly.

Tony sighed. “How is he?”

“Physically? Okay.”

“How are you?”

“Me?” You scoffed. “I’m not the one who took the hit.”

“No, but you always did have the talent of soaking up everyone’s pain around you.”

You stayed quiet, mulling over his words and you slumped into your seat. He was right.

“It’s alright, Giggles. We all haven’t been able to shake that pesky habit.”

“I’m just-” you sighed, “it’s always one thing after the other with us. We can never all be okay. Something’s always off balance.”

“I know,” Tony said, his voice trailing off, a smile forming on his lips. “I used to tell your mom that all the time.”

You blinked. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he huffed, “the Avengers weren’t a thing then but, with Pepper – we’d always _just_ miss each other. If it wasn’t one thing, it was the other. I’d ask her when the universe would just let me take a deep breath.”

“What…what’d she say?”

Tony mimicked her voice. “Antonio, the universe doesn’t owe you anything. Stop whining, chin up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

You laughed. That did sound like her.

“It is good advice,” you said, “she always said that. Tomorrow is a new day, you just got to be able to put one foot in front of the other.”

“She was a smart woman,” Tony said quietly.

“I keep trying to focus on something, anything, but my brain feels like it’s going to melt.”

Tony shook his head and tapped on his laptop in front of him. “Let’s try to keep your mind off it - I saw Banner’s e-mail, take a look at the damage done to the nervous system first.”

The screen filled with Bucky’s arm and Tony quickly rearranged some of the malfunctioning pieces. Trying to keep in your smile, you bit your cheek.

“I think if we fuse together the wires that were severed with those…”

* * *

The words in front of you were blurring. You blinked and rubbed your eyes, trying to get them to focus. After a few minutes with no improvement, you put your tablet aside and straightened. Your back cracked as you stood and you took that as a sign to do some stretching.

Your throat and head were still killing you so you’d opened the door to your terrace, the cool wind helping wake you up. You walked around for a minute, taking in the city and lights on the buildings around you. December in New York really was an entity on its own.

You heard a loud, strangled, gasping noise and whirled around. Bucky scrambled to his feet, his right hand instinctively going for the empty gun holster on his thigh. You approached slowly, focusing on his disoriented expression. He jerked up when he heard you, eyes wild and scared.

“The gun is on the night table, if you want it, I didn’t take it from you,” you told him.

He didn’t take his eyes off of you, which was a good sign. You kept your hands where he could see them clearly and took a few tentative steps towards him.

“Bucky,” you said quietly, “do you know where you are?”

He seemed to take that as an invitation to glance around the room.

“My room?”

You nodded and his fists unclenched.

“ _Our_ room,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, it’s our room in our apartment in the Stark Tower,” you took another step towards him. “Do you remember how you got here?”

“No,” he said eventually, “there was a bomb…”

“It wasn’t a bomb - it was an explosion in the lab upstate.”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I heard Steve’s voice….is he okay?”

“Steve’s fine, he’s the one who brought you back after Bruce knocked you out.”

Bucky’s shoulders dropped from their position around his ears and you smiled.

“James,” you said, reaching a hand out for him, “it’s me.”

Bucky jerked as if you’d smacked him over the head. He blinked a few times before he hesitantly took your hand.

“ _Iubire_?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” you slowly pushed him back down onto the bed.

He looked at you, his eyes taking you in, and you realized that he wasn’t breathing.

“Hey, breathe, it’s okay – you’re okay. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

Bucky made a choking noise and you placed your hand on his shoulders, trying to ground him.

“Inhale – good - one, two, three, four,” you guided him through the first few breaths and let him do it himself until he stopped.

“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse.

Your heart broke for him, knowing how hard he always was on himself.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” you sat down next to him.

His eyes tightened and he frowned. “It’d been a while since…since something caught me off guard like that. Did I – is everyone-”

“No casualties, everyone’s fine,” you said, rubbing a hand up his back. “How do you feel?”

“Honestly?”

“Always.”

Bucky smiled softly. “Like someone put me in a blender.”

“That’s understandable,” you propped your chin on his shoulder and let him work through his own thoughts.

“You want to go to sleep?” You asked. “It’s late but I have some food in the fridge if you want something to eat.”

“No.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “I’m not hungry.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. You’d learned that it was always easiest to let Bucky set the pace. “Can I just say one more thing?”

He nodded and placed a hand over yours.

“You’re a good person, you’re only human, and your mistakes don’t define you,” you said quietly, reminding him.

He sat there, breathing deeply, for a few more minutes. You pressed a kiss to a scar you knew he had on his bicep. Bucky shivered and looked over his shoulder at you. His eyes were pained and vulnerable.

You smiled sadly at him. “Sometimes I wish I could take this on for you, or at least help you carry it.”

Bucky turned to face you, his arms going around you and he buried his face into your neck. You wrapped your arms around his back, wishing you could shield him from everything.

“You do,” he said after a while.

“What?” You asked, scratching his scalp lightly.

He sighed into your neck and you tapped his ear.

“I do, what?”

“You do help,” he said quietly, “more than you know.”

You smiled softly and pulled him tighter against you.

“Tomorrow is a new day, we just have to put one foot in front of the other.”

* * *

Whirling around, you shot Steve a look.

“Ask me one more time if I’m okay and I’m going to shove you out the jet,” you said to Steve, who’d been shooting you worried glances all morning. While you were cleared for active duty, you still hadn’t managed to completely shake off your cough. Every time you so much as cleared your throat, Steve jumped.

“I didn’t say anything!” Steve turned to Bucky, as if looking for back-up.

You shot him a sharp look, and he shrugged. “Bruce _and_ Tony cleared her. She’s going to end up shooting you if you ask again.”

Steve opened his mouth and Bucky shot him a look. “I’ve also been cleared, don’t go there.” His shoulders slumped slightly but he nodded.

You felt a little bad snapping at Steve, it was like yelling at a _puppy_ sometimes.

“You wouldn’t be insistently asking the junior agents if they’re okay,” you pointed out to him.

“I would,” he said and you squinted your eyes at him. “You’re different – both of you are.”

You smiled and squeezed his hand. “We’ve had worse injuries, Rogers.”

He frowned and you knew it was hard – for all of you. Sometimes you still had flashes of Tony getting hit or Bucky bleeding out on the ground and you understood. It’s hard to treat everyone the same when a handful of them were your family. That is what Tony called, the hazard of working for the Avengers.

“Besides, we’re all you got right now anyway. Everyone else is busy or not on active duty right now,” you told him.

Steve snorted. “You’re right.”

You punched his arm lightly and frowned. “I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not.”

He smiled and ruffled the side of your head.

“Alright, Cap’ go get changed, we’re almost there,” you told him, taking a seat next to Bucky so that you could finish lacing up your boots.

“He’s just being Steve, you know that,” Bucky said lightly.

You tightened your laces and nodded. “I know, but he can’t show favoritism – not to me and definitely not to you,” you said pointedly. “Tony and Pepper, Tony and me, that’s different. You know how delicate we need to tread, _especially_ you and me.”

Bucky smiled, amused. “Is that why we haven’t partnered up on any missions?”

“No, it’s because neither of us knows how to follow orders.” You stuck your tongue out at him and he laughed. “This is just an intel mission anyway– we’re not rescue or takeover. Newbies do these in their training.”

Steve had picked you as Beta for the same reason everyone did when it came to intel missions. You were the best when it came to slipping in and out undetected.

“It’s important intel,” Bucky said, “Natasha said this could help bring down a major HYDRA camp.”

“I know, I compiled the data,” you rolled your eyes. “Besides, five of us are on this assignment, how hard can it be?”

\---

 _You had jinxed yourself_. Everyone knew that you didn’t go into a mission already assuming it would be easy.

Natasha’s voice wiggled into your head.

_First rule, never go into a mission overconfident. You’re not only you out there. You are part of a team, and there’s nothing more important than keeping them alive. If you want to get yourself killed with your ego, by all means._

“ _What the hell happened?”_ Steve’s voice boomed in your ear.

The sound of rapid-fire gunshots had you running faster. “I’m a floor down, I’m closest – Steve I only got seventy-five percent done.”

“ _At this point, I’ll be surprised if they don’t take the entire base out_ ,” Steve huffed. “ _I’m too far out to get there quickly. I want to see what I can salvage. Wanda?”_

“ _Already on my way_ ,” she answered.

“ _I got them all_ ,” Bucky said, panting, “ _but not before they called for backup_.”

“The alarm will probably go off-” you were cut off by a shrill ringing, “-there it is.”

You burst through the exit door and came face to face with Bucky.

“What happened? Are you injured?”

He shook his head. “Agent Perez is hit in the hip, it’s through and through. Looks like to me it didn’t hit anything important.”

“Still hurts like a bitch,” Perez shouted from the side.

You rushed over to where the Agent laid, her face twisted in pain. “Hey, pain is good – means you’re still alive.”

“Fucking HYDRA,” she hissed as you double checked. “The bleeding isn’t too bad. I want you back on the jet. Can you handle taking her back?” You asked the other Omega.

“I can still shoot from the ground,” Perez protested.

You shot her a look and she huffed.

Your other Agent nodded, pulling her into a fireman’s carry and started for the quinjet.

“We’re about to get swarmed,” you said, “we need to hold them off until Steve’s done.”

“ _I just need five minutes_ ,” Steve said, “t _hey’ll leave this place and I want to get anything they have on file.”_

“We can get you ten minutes,” you looked back at Bucky for confirmation. He nodded and pulled out his guns.

You watched as the first wave of HYDRA agents ran towards you.  

“What happened?” You asked him, unfolding your bow and shooting off a handful of explosive arrows.

Bucky pulled you behind a shed for cover and you ducked as they went off.

“One of them,” he said, standing and pointed to the body slumped on the far-left wall. “He recognized me, I got caught up and he started saying the words and – I blanked. I thought he was dead and I - Perez jumped when he pulled out his gun and I didn’t snap back until after.”

“Shit,” you scowled, anger unfurling in your chest. “Did you remember him? From – _before_.”

Bucky nodded sharply. “He was one of my trainers…. he liked using prisoners as practice.”

Your stomach dropped to your feet and you shot him a sad look.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, “we’ve always known this was a possibility. They can’t hurt me. The words don’t control me.”

Nodding, you brought his forehead down to yours and you breathed him in. “The words don’t control you,” you echoed.

The second wave of agents should be coming soon. “I’ve only got two more explosives - they’ll be ready for the third. I didn’t know I’d need more,” you said apologetically.

Bucky smiled ruefully. “This ones on me, doll.”

You shot him a sharp look and Wanda landed a few yards away. She jogged over and threw a few ammo clips over to Bucky.

“I brought you some back up,” she said with a disdainful look to the bodies on the floor. “Has anyone checked for prisoners?”

“ _Clear_ ,” Steve said for the both of you. “ _All cells are empty. They look like they were preparing for something_.”

“And now they’re going to be in the wind.” Bucky swore, looking like he was about to punch the wall.

“Incoming,” you shouted, putting another arrow into place and letting it fly.

Wanda hid behind her own cover and you crouched down with Bucky.

“We got two minutes,” you said, “everyone ready?”

Nodding, Wanda’s hands lit up their familiar bright red and you swapped your bow for your batons. They flickered to life and you cracked your neck.

“Alright everyone – Steve?” You said.

“ _Almost done, five minutes_ ,” he said. “ _I’ll double back around for the jet and on my signal you guys run like hell into the trees.”_

You nodded and turned to Bucky – who still had a hardened expression on his face. You tapped his jaw and his tense shoulders relaxed minutely.

“This is not your fault,” you said quietly, “we’ll find them eventually and we’ll take them down when it’s the right time. Don’t let them mess with your head.”

He nodded, jaw clenched and you smiled softly.

“’Till the end of the line,” you said quietly.

Bucky’s eyes cleared and he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Okay Wanda, you’re up first,” you yelled out.

She grinned, her eyes glowing red.

“This should be fun.”

\----

“You okay?” Nicole, your favorite ground medic, asked.

“Yeah, whatever you gave me earlier is working,” you said quietly, readjusting the ice bag on your shoulder. “Thanks.”

She smiled and went back to Wanda, who was fussing about her arm. You turned to put a hand to Bucky’s temple and he leaned into your touch.

“You okay?” You asked quietly.

He shrugged a shoulder and nodded. “My arm is fine and my side should be healed up by the time we land home.”

“Bucky…”

“Don’t.”

You felt the cushion dip with someone’s weight and you turned to shoot Steve a look.

“It’s not your fault,” Steve said quietly, watching Nicole fuss over a scowling Perez.

Buck snorted.

Steve sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Buck, we all miscalculated. You three,” he gestured at Wanda, Agent Perez, and yourself, “were just the ones who took the biggest hit.”

You snorted – that was an understatement. You’d probably be off duty after that hit to your ribs, there was no way Nicole or Bruce would clear you until the New Year.

“You win some and you lose some, you both know how that works,” Steve said quietly, “you’re not machines and we don’t expect you to be.”

With a small smile, Steve patted your good shoulder and walked over to Wanda.

“Can I just say one thing?” You asked quietly. “Just one and I’ll leave it, I promise.”

At that, a corner of Bucky’s mouth quirked up and he nodded.

“I could not be prouder of you,” you said.

Bucky blinked. “What?” He looked at you, brows raised.

Nodding, you grabbed his hands and took them between your own. “These people, the compounds, the bases, the intel, the rescue missions, everything – they’re your demons. You never once stepped down; you’ve always risen to the challenge even though no one would think less of you if you did.”

“I’m not-”

“You _are_ ,” you squeezed his hand, “you’re facing them head on and this is the first time you’ve ever stumbled. After all these years, that’s a great track record. I know you’ve been having set backs recently but recovery- _healing_ \- that process isn’t a linear one.”

His eyes dropped to your hands, entangled in each other. “I know.”

“Do you?” You ducked, trying to catch his gaze. “You’re doing amazing, please don’t let your two steps back fool you into thinking otherwise. I know it feels like a never-ending fight, and it is in some ways, but it’s worth it.”

Bucky looked up at you, the darkness in his eyes receding a little, and he smiled at you. It was small and tired – but it was real.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love-” a strangled scream interrupted you and you jumped up to see Wanda slumped over.

Steve had an arm around her waist and Nicole was rubbing her shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, it’s back in now.”

Wanda started cursing in Sokovian, her eyes shooting daggers at Steve, and Bucky snorted.

You smothered a smile and slumped back down into your seat. Setting your head down on Bucky’s shoulder, he helped you keep the ice pack on your ribs and you eased into his chest.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, exhaustion finally hitting you.

He kissed the top of your head and you smiled, eyes slipping closed.

“Wake me up when we’re cleared to land,” you said.

Bucky hummed, the sound soothing and you popped your head up, looking at him.

“We should do something, just us. A movie, dinner, a walk through Central Park – something _normal_.”

He looked down at you, smile slowly growing. “You askin’ me out?” He said finally, smile smug and Brooklyn accent thick.

“What, you busy?” You rolled your eyes.

“Maybe, I gotta check my calendar.”

“Playing hard to get?” You raised a brow.

Bucky grinned. “I can’t make it too easy for you.”

You raised your brow and trailed a hand across his jawline, your nails scratching his scruff. He shivered and you brought your fingers to the skin just below his ear. His eyes don’t stray from you, even when you lean in to playfully nip at his throat. You press a kiss to the reddening patch of skin and Bucky tightens his hold on you.  

“You don’t seem that hard to get,” you teased.

His eyes drifted down to your lips, hunger flashing in his eyes. “Maybe just this once,” he said.

You laughed, ignoring the sharp pain in your side, and he smiled. His eyes traveled down the length of your face and his fingers came up to your neck.

“What?” You asked, kissing his jaw. “I was just teasing.”

“I know,” he said, bringing his forehead down to yours. “Thank you.” You bumped his nose with yours and the shy smile he gave you in return made your heart trip over itself.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

* * *

“Why do I feel like the universe has a personal vendetta against us?” You asked Bucky, smiling kindly at the waitress who came over to take your drink orders. You tried to discretely wipe off some of the rain that had pummeled you both on the way out of the cab.

“Because you Starks have a tendency for the dramatic,” he said, smiling. “Besides, today hasn’t been so bad and if you play your cards right, tonight will be even better.”

You snorted and shook your head. “You tried to kiss me today and I almost blacked out when your hand hit the bruises on the entire left side of my body.”

Bucky opened his mouth and you glared.

“Okay, it’s been a shitty month,” Bucky admitted.

Smiling, you sipped your drink and winced as your ribs tugged painfully.

“Next month will be better,” he said, brushing his thumb across your palm.

“It has to,” you sighed, “Christmas is coming soon and if this cloud we’re all under keeps following us then I demand a refund.”

Bucky shot you an amused look. “A refund?”

“A refund,” you confirmed. “A refund on this shitty _year_.”

“Mexico was fun,” he said and you thought back on the vacation you’d taken in the summer.

“The resort almost burned down,” you said dryly.

“…up until then.”

You huffed and bit into some bread. “At least I know this place won’t give me food poisoning.” Bucky winced and you frowned. You still refused to even go anywhere near _Per Se_ – the thought of the French cuisine made your stomach turn.

“Cheers to that,” Bucky raised his beer bottle and took a sip.

“Our anniversary is coming up,” you nudged Bucky with your foot, “Fatima said she’s still doing renovations at her restaurant but she’ll whip something up for just us if we want.”

Bucky straightened. “Seriously?”

You laughed lightly and he smiled. “That’s where we had our first date, it seemed poetic to go back to where it all started,” you said and tilted your head. “Although, would it really count as our first date?”

“Why wouldn’t it?” Bucky asked.

You shot him a look. “Because two French girls came over, started flirting with you and you asked me if you thought you should get her number.”

Bucky’s neck grew red and you grinned. Technically, it was true. You’d been under the impression that you were both on a first date – Bucky, however, had thought you were having dinner as friends.

“Not that time,” Bucky muttered, “and I never called either of them.”

“I’d hope not.” You rolled your eyes, “So, what do you think? Go out or do you want to just stay home? I think that movie you mentioned is coming out on Christmas.”

“Is Tony throwing another party this year?” Bucky asked, voice pained. You laughed and shook your head.

“No, he said he was too tired from last year. I think we’re just doing Secret Santa this year – weirdly, everyone told Tony they’d be coming. Clint and Laura haven’t come to the tower for Christmas in years,” you smiled, “it’s going to be nice, just all of us together. I lucked out this year, I got Sam – you know how easy he is to shop for.”

Before Bucky could say anything, you jumped. “Oh! Did I tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Clint said he was going to ask Laura to renew their vows, Tony already said he was going to make it the event of the year,” you snorted, “Clint’ll love that, especially after the baby shower. A Christmas proposal, Laura’s going to be so excited.”

“Yeah, he told me,” Bucky’s eyes darted away from yours and he nodded. “I wonder what’s taking so long?”

You frowned at the change of subject and grabbed another slice of bread. “We only just ordered, besides, it’s full tonight.”

“It’s been a while,” he said, his tone off.

Glancing around, you opened your mouth to ask him what was wrong when you heard a familiar sound. You turned to Bucky, who had frozen mid-drink.

“Was that-”

He nodded.

“In here?” You clutched your glass. “Could we be wrong?”

“It’s a pretty distinct sound and from what I heard, coming from directly behind you. It sounded like it was an eight-seventy.”

“I just heard one.” You tried to discretely look around the restaurant and no one seemed to have noticed. “Do you see anything?”

Bucky rolled his shoulder and glanced behind him. “Six o’clock, one of the waitresses is fumbling with the checks.”

You looked over his shoulder and noticed the woman he was talking about. She was trembling, her hands reaching for the cards and cash. She caught your eyes and you saw the tears in her eyes. She seemed to try to mouth something to you but you weren’t able to catch anything.

Someone two tables down from you stood, blocking her from your vision. You stood, trying to see around him but she was gone.

The restaurant was split into two rooms, the bar and the dining portions. By her uniform you assumed she was working the bar room.

You sat down and sighed. “We should check it out.”

Bucky dug into his jacket pocket and tossed you a comms unit. You caught it, shoved it in your ear and slipped out of your heels. Bucky grabbed the steak knife from the empty table across from you.

You both slipped into the crowd.

“Friday?”

“ _Yes, Agent S_?” She answered, “ _how can I help you_?”

“Patch me through to Tony.”

“ _Certainly_.”

“ _Giggles, what’s up? Shouldn’t you be at dinner with the tin-man?”_

“Tony, how fast can you get downtown?”

There was a beat a silence. “ _Car or helicopter?”_

You glanced at Bucky who grabbed another knife out of a pile of dirty dishes.

“ _In the suit_.”

Tony hummed. “ _Ten minutes.”_

Bucky shook his head and lifted up a hand. Five guys.

“ _Can you make it five?”_

Suddenly, a gunshot erupted from the backroom and the entire restaurant stared screaming.

“Everybody shut up!” A voice boomed. “Line up by the windows before I shoot your brains out!”

Tony swore. “ _You two always manage to find something to get into. I’m already on my way._ ”

Bucky pointed to the bucket of dishes. “They all have guns. You’re going to need something.”

You scoffed. “I won’t hold up in close combat and unless I throw it at them – I won’t be much use.”

“Alright, just stay here and wait for Tony, I’m going to-” he cut himself off as you ripped your dress at the hem to allow you to move freely. You pulled a small gun from your hidden thigh holster and a taser from your clutch.

“Where you wearing that all night?” Bucky asked. “Wait, is that a Smith and Wesson?”

You smiled serenly. “You were saying something about sitting and waiting?” You cocked your gun.

Bucky’s eyes darkened. “Jesus Christ, you’re going to kill me.” His eyes lowered to the split in your dress.

With a wink, you gave him a quick kiss before disappearing around the corner towards the two gunmen in the bar room.

“On my count of three,” Bucky said, “one-”

You kicked the door down, pulled the trigger four times and ducked before any opposing bullets could hit you. After a moment, when all you heard was groaning, you stood. With a smirk, you knocked them out with the butt of your gun and dragged them towards a pole.

“I’m Special Agent S everyone, don’t worry, we’re working on getting all of you out of here,” you said to the room.

Bucky grunted into your comms. “ _A little help?”_

“Do you want me to clean everything up and you can go and wait for Tony outside?” You asked, picking up their guns and jogging to the dining room.

Just as you rounded the corner, Bucky was tossed aside and landed with a groan by your feet. You dropped the guns at him and he growled. “I’m not going to hear the end of that one, am I?”

You cocked the shot gun and aimed.

“Nope.”

* * *

“ _The White Wolf, formally known as the Winter Soldier, was dining at the restaurant with his long time girlfriend, both of whom managed to apprehend the gunmen and secure the area. Iron Man arrived shortly after and assisted with the evacuation. As always, we have New York’s finest watching over our city. I’m Amanda Wilkins reporting for-_ ”

“Turn that off, please,” Bucky said from the bed, Nicole scolded him for moving.

“I have a _needle_ in your _arm_ , Sergeant Barnes, please try not to move,” she said tersely. “You two seem to have a knack for finding trouble.”

“We’re definitely staying in for our anniversary,” you told Bucky as the other medic wrapped your ribs for you.

“I’ll need to administer a few shots for your shoulder Agent S,” she said, “this’ll hurt.”

“She’s a tough cookie, she’ll barely blink,” a voice said from the doorway.

“Pepper,” you said reaching out for her. She smiled and wrapped her arms around you.

“Oh sweetheart,” she pushed your hair back from your forehead and frowned. “You’ll have a black eye tomorrow.”

“You should see the other guy,” you joked.

“You two might _actually_ be cursed,” Tony said, walking into the room and heading straight for your x-rays. “Your ribs are shot to shit. I don’t know how they haven’t broken yet.”

“Sergeant Barnes’ left knee seemed to be broken but it’s mostly healed as of now,” Nicole said, pointing to Bucky’s MRI results.

Tony picked them up and frowned.

“I feel fine,” Bucky insisted.

“Yeah, you don’t look it,” Tony said and Bucky quieted.

Before you could try to diffuse the ever-present tension between them, someone else appeared by the door.

“I knew they could handle it,” Natasha said with a smirk. “No way five idiots with guns were taking these two.”

At that, Bucky snorted. “Especially when this one pulls a gun out from under her dress.”

Tony turned to you, brow raised and you shrugged.

“I gave her that.” Natasha grinned. “You have to be ready for anything.”

“That doesn’t sound paranoid,” Tony muttered.

“Tony,” Pepper frowned.

“Paranoia saves lives,” Natasha snapped back.

You smiled tiredly. “Alright kids, play nice.”

Natasha grinned and pointed at Tony, who lifted his hands.

“Anyway, I just passed by to make sure you two are okay.” She kissed your forehead and squeezed Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m flying out in a few. The compound needs me and then I need to close up my assignment in Singapore.”

“You’re leaving?” You frowned and sighed. “Merry Christmas then.”

“Oh, no,” she said with a pointed look in Bucky’s direction. “I’ll be back for Christmas. I’ll make sure of it.”

You furrowed your brows and turned to look at Bucky. He was glaring at the ceiling, Nicole still taking blood.

“Alright then, that’s good, hope it goes well. Tell Agent Choi I said hi,” you smiled.

She nodded and waved, disappearing down the hall.

“Oh _shit_.” You straightened suddenly and groaned when your ribs pulled. “The deadline is next week.”

“What deadline?” Tony scrolled through your health chart. “I sent out all the reports we had and the holograms are set for the presentation in L.A. and in London- _fuck_ , the clean energy bill.”

You tapped your nose and Tony scrubbed his face.

“Why did we accept their proposal-” Tony said, “-a _week_ before Christmas?”

“Because we’re the only name in clean energy right now,” you mimicked him, “and this would help millions of people.”

Tony glared at you. “And my Director manages to get herself beat up.”

“It was supposed to be an intel mission and a date! How was I supposed to know they were both going to go to shit,” you exclaimed. “Besides, I’m _barely_ injured – I can sit at a desk and work on it. Bruce’ll help me.”

“I can get it started tonight,” Tony argued back, “you should be resting.”

“Don’t patronize me,” you said, “it’s my project.”

“I’m not-”

Pepper sighed and both quieted, chastised.

“How about, you,” she pointed to you, “go to bed and wake up early tomorrow to start and you,” she pointed to Tony, “will start whatever it is you need to start tonight and let her do whatever she needs to tomorrow.”

Tony frowned and you nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Great,” Pepper clapped. “Let’s get you two down to bed, James?”

Bucky sat up and Nicole nodded. “Ice that,” she pointed to his knee.

“Friday, would you please bring the elevator up?”

“ _Certainly Mrs. Stark.”_

* * *

Your day had started as the five before them had – by jerking awake at Friday’s insistence.

“Thank you for the wake-up call Fri,” you said sleepily, rubbing one of your eyes.

“ _You’re welcome_ ,” she said, “ _I’ve turned on the coffee pot in your office. Mr. Stark retired to his room forty-five minutes ago.”_

“You’re amazing, you know that?” You mumbled, trying to gather the energy to stand.

“ _Yes, I did,”_ she said, matter of fact.

Squinting, you tried to find a clock to tell you the time.

“ _It’s five forty-five eastern standard time_ ,” she said chirpily – too happily for being the crack of dawn. “ _You’ve been asleep for fifty-four minutes.”_

“Right,” you shivered as you pulled back the quilt from your exhausted body. _You only had to get through today_ , that had become your mantra. _You just had to get through today._

By some Christmas Miracle, you and Tony had managed to get a full two days ahead of the deadline. You both, however, had taken to working in shifts. You worked for twelve hours straight while he slept then you switched.

After you wrapped everything up tonight, you’d finally – _finally_ – be able to sleep for longer than thirty-minute intervals.

It was just as well, since you had both started descending into the hysterical part of sleep deprivation. Pepper had come in to retrieve Tony last night and found you both in fits of laughter over a knocked over vial.

“Doll, you gotta get up,” Bucky said, voice muffled by his pillow.

You hadn’t realized that you’d flopped over, already half way to blissful unconsciousness.

“Please, five minutes, _mercy_ ,” you grumbled.

After what felt like a millisecond, Bucky’s arm was shaking you.

“Please,” you whined.

“You made me swear on our unborn child that I wouldn’t let you sleep passed six,” he said, lifting his head to squint at you.

At that, you sat up. “Unborn child?”

Bucky snorted and you frowned. “Yeah, you also told me that maybe we’d have a cyborg and you’d give it a green prosthetic with glitter. Apparently, the dancing jello cups were going to eat you if you didn’t give him a prosthetic.”

“Are you making that up?” You shot him a look, finger combing your wild hair into submission.

“I really wish I was.”

You groaned. “Alright, I’m off, see you later?”

“Remember, we have dinner plans.”

Nodding, you reached blindly for your phone and tablet. “Yes, yes, date night attempt number three.”

“Tony said we could take the jet if we needed to,” Bucky mumbled, head already burying into the pile of blankets.

You smiled. Both of you had tried to have a redo from your initial date but somehow ended up stuck behind a major five car pileup on the Brooklyn Bridge. You’d missed your reservations and Bucky ended up needing stitches.

The smell of fresh coffee reached you the moment you stepped off the elevator. “Friday, have I ever mentioned how much I love you?”

_“Over the last few days? Multiple times.”_

You grinned and poured yourself a mug. Without adding anything, you gulped it down black. The bitter taste, at this point, didn’t phase you. You’d be willing to hook yourself up to a caffeine drip if that’s what it took.

Settling down at your desk, you rubbed your eyes and straightened.

You could do this dammit, _you were in the home stretch,_ you tried to hype yourself up. With a deep inhale, you jumped back into the chaos.

\----

“Oh my God,” you muttered, blinking at your laptop.

“What?” Tony asked from his stool, where he’d been sitting for the last few minutes. He picked his head up. “I triple checked the equations, there cannot be an error.”

“No,” you said, hands shaking, “we’re done.”

“What?” He straightened, his hair wild and eyes wilder. “Don’t tease me like this Giggles, you don’t want to see a grown man cry.”

You laughed, your voice a little hysterical. Tony joined you and within moments you were both clutching your stomachs, laughing.

…which was exactly how Bucky and Sam found you, five minutes later, with both of you on the floor laughing loudly.

“Oh damn,” Sam said, “they’ve finally cracked.”

Tony laughed louder, waving a hand in the air feebly, and shaking his head. “I’m going to piss myself, stop, stop.”

“If I didn’t know you both any better, I’d say you were drunk,” Sam said.

“I feel drunk,” you admitted. You pushed yourself up into your chair and, through your giggles, you backed up your final report before closing everything down.

“Friday?”

“ _Yes, Miss?”_

“Please send the final copy to the foundation, let them know we’ll be available for follow up questions after the New Year,” you said.

“ _Of course.”_

“You guys are done?” Sam asked, setting his chin on his hand. “Finally? Damn, good job you two.”

Tony looked at you from across the lab and smiled softly. You smiled back and nodded.

“Yeah, we’re finally done,” you said.

There was a beat of silence and you promptly burst into tears.

Bucky moved the quickest, his arms closing in around you within seconds and you covered your face.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s a stress reaction,” you laughed lightly, wiping your eyes. “I haven’t slept in over fifty hours and I’m hitting my limit.”

Tony nodded, his eyes tired and happy all at once. “I’m too old for this shit.”

You tapped your nose, agreeing, and let Bucky take some of your weight.

“Alright,” Bucky said, leading you towards the elevators. “Wilson?”

“I got Stark, you two kids have fun.” Sam waved you both off.

“Sam, I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you carry me,” you heard Tony say.

“ _Sold_. Hop on old man.”

You snorted and Bucky shook his head.

“Look!” You pointed to the window, almost pressing your face against it.

“What?” Bucky placed a steadying hand against your back.

“The sun, it’s setting,” you whispered. “I haven’t seen it in _years_.”

Bucky laughed, surprised, and gently pulled you in the direction of your apartment. “Come on, it’s time for you to take a nap.”

“A nap?” You perked up.

He nodded, his eyes lighting up with mirth. “Come on doll,” he said as he stripped you of your clothes and you stumbled into your bed.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, “I’m so sorry I ever left you.”

“Are you talking to the bed?”

You nodded, rubbing your face into your pillow. “Yes, I’m never leaving her again.”

Bucky huffed a laugh and you opened one eye. He was standing over you, eyes soft and expression warm. You reached your arms out and he let you drag him into bed next to you.

“I always sleep better when you’re here,” you told him, “stay?”

Looking up at him, his eyes trailed over your face. The small, sane, part of your mind knew you’d seen better days. The exhausted, sleep deprived, part of you just didn’t have the energy to care.

“ _Please_?”

“Of course,” he said, guiding your head to his chest. His arm wrapped around you, while his hand found yours and intertwined your fingers.

“Friday?” You said, already mostly asleep. “Wake us up in a few hours.”

“ _Yes Miss.”_

\----

It would usually take a hurricane, a tsunami, and a tornado to wake you up from deep sleep. So, when you opened your eyes, disoriented and alone, you weren’t sure what had woken you up. With a glance around the room, you sniffed the air.

_Burgers._

Clearly, your stomach wasn’t waiting for any natural disaster. Summoning all the energy in your body, you heaved yourself up.

Feeling a million times better, you stretched your limbs, feeling more alert and - honestly – a little hungover.

You padded out of the bedroom and into your kitchen. Bucky was wearing a worn white shirt and a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips.

“You always say I’m creepy when I watch you,” Bucky said, glancing over his shoulder.

Walking over to him, you wrapped your arms around his stomach. “You are,” you said with a sleepy smile.

Bucky laughed and your smile widened. “What’re you doing?” You asked.

“I’m making you your favorite.”

You peeked around his shoulder. “Cheeseburgers?” Your stomach grumbled.

He nodded. “Once you were out, I went to the store and got us something to eat-”

“ _Shit_ ,” you dropped your head onto Bucky’s back. “Our reservations.”

Bucky turned around in your arms and smiled down at you. “Doll, I knew our chances of getting out to Brooklyn were low. You’re exhausted - you should still be sleeping.”

“No, no.” You took a few steps back. “I’m fine, I feel so much better after that nap. Should I get change? Can I help with anything? You shouldn’t agitate your ribs either – I haven’t taken a good look at those stitches.”

“You look perfect, everything is already done,” he said kissing your temple and you swatted at him, “and I’m fine now.”

“You’re obligated to say that, you’re my boyfriend,” you said and he scrunched his face. You threw your hand up. “Sorry, sorry, I forgot how much you hate that word. My _partner_.”

“That one doesn’t sound right either,” he said, taking two glasses to the table and you followed, dropping into your regular chair.

“What about my poopsie?” You heard his laugh from the kitchen and couldn’t help but smile.

“My munchkin? My sweetheart? _My sweet pea_!” You giggled, still just a little delirious. Bucky walked back to you, both plates filled with food.

“Please don’t call me your sweet pea,” he said with a frown.

You ran your fingers across the wrinkles on his forehead, smoothing them out. “My better half?” You said quietly, kissing his jaw as he leaned down to place the plate in front of you.

He gave you a look that warmed you to the core and you grinned. Bucky brought your face to his and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. You smiled and he trailed kisses towards your neck.

“I think it’s the other way around,” he whispered against your cheek, pressing another kiss there.

You sighed happily. “I’m always right, remember?”

He chuckled into your collarbone and you grinned. “I faintly remember you telling me that a few times.”

Your stomach grumbled and he laughed again.

“Alright, I hear you,” he said and you smiled sheepishly.

“I may have missed lunch _and_ breakfast,” you picked up a fry, “thank you for doing this, it’s been a rough week.”

“It’s nothing,” he said, watching you eat.

You smiled as you chewed on a fry. “Muffin? Babycakes? _Snookums_?”

“Veto, veto, and veto,” Bucky laughed and shook his head.

You huffed. “Well, you’re going to have to stick with partner because next week it’ll be like, what? Five years – _holy shit,_ it’s been five years?”

Bucky nodded. “Five years in three days, on Christmas Eve.”

You buried your feet under his thigh and nudged him. “It’s been a long time, _snookums_.”

“Not long enough.” He reached out to squeeze your calf. “Not even close.”

You smiled. “Well, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Especially if you keep cooking like this because this was _amazing_.”

“You’re biased,” he laughed.

“How dare you,” you pointed a fry at him. “I would _never_ lie.”

Bucky snorted and you pinched his forearm in retaliation.

“Can I say, these past few weeks have been a pain in my ass?” You shook your head. “I feel like we’re swimming in the ocean and the current keeps trying to drag us under.”

Bucky took your hand, pressed a kiss to your knuckles, and you looked up at him. “Well, we’ve been staying afloat.”

You smiled softly at him. “We have.”

“We can take turns,” Bucky said quietly, “I’ll swim when you get tired.”

“That’s a good plan,” you told him.

He nodded knowingly. “We always have good plans.”

“Well, if I’m going to be dragged, tossed around, and pummeled by waves – there’s no one else I’d rather have at my side,” you said, rising to give him a kiss. “Thank you for floating with me.”

Before you could sit back down, Bucky tugged you into his lap. You laughed as you stumbled.

“Hey, hey, no funny business. My snookums cooked me dinner and you best believe I’m finishing it,” you said, squealing when he pinched your side.

“Smartass,” he muttered.

“ _Your_ smartass,” you corrected him with a wink.

\----

After the mind-blowing burgers, you both migrated towards the sectional. You laid your head in Bucky’s lap while he searched for a movie to watch. Your eyes were slowly closing, drowsy from the food and Bucky’s warm fingers in your hair weren’t helping. 

You huffed and turned onto your side towards his stomach. He laughed quietly and you smiled.

“Thank you for tonight - it was just what I needed. You’re the best _partner_ ever,” you said.

Bucky _hmphed_ and you opened one eye to look at him.

“Hey, we went over this, you picked partner.” You poked his stomach.

“I didn’t pick anything,” he said, squirming. “You assigned it to me.”

“Because I’m in charge and you wouldn’t pick anything.” You closed your eye and wrapped an arm around his torso. “You should know this by now.”

You could feel him shaking from his laughter and you smiled into his skin.

“Friday, please turn the lights down,” you said. The lights dimmed and you settled into a more comfortable position. Bucky’s hand returned to your hair and after a few minutes you started to drift.

“Hey,” his soft voice kept you from falling asleep.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Buck, if you ask me to call you my fella, I will actually break up with you.”

He snorted. “It’s not that.”

“Then yes, ask away.”

When he didn’t speak for a few moments, you opened your eyes and lifted your head. He was biting his bottom lip, a nervous expression flittering across his face.

“Buck? What’s wrong?” You said, sitting up and facing him.

He smiled and stood up. He turned to you and offered out his hand.

“Will you dance with me?”

“Is that what you’re nervous about?” You asked, eyeing him suspiciously. “I’m _tired_.”

“Please?” He picked up your hand and hauled you to your feet.

You protested feebly.

“There’s no music and it’s late,” you complained but settled your cheek against his chest anyway. “Have mercy on me.”

“Friday?” He called out, ignoring your protests.

“ _Yes Sergeant Barnes?”_  

“Please play my most recent playlist.”

“ _Of course.”_

Without picking your head up, you looked up at him. “Did you make a new playlist? I did too, I wanted to start up again on the seventies. I think Steve’s going to get a kick out of it.”

He smiled down at you and nosed at your temple. “I did some research myself. Wanda helped me.”

You groaned. “If you made me get up to dance to techno or house music, I’m not sleeping with you for a very long time.”

He laughed.

 _I found a love for me_  
_Darling just dive right in_  
_And follow my lead_

You perked up. “I love this song. How do you know about Ed Sheeran?”

“Wanda said he was the peak of contemporary music,” he said. “This song is a little old though.”

“She would,” you snorted. “I haven’t been allowed to work out to anything but his last album for weeks now.”

 _Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know_  
_She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home_  
_I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets_

You could feel him humming as you swayed around the room. You smiled and started humming along to the melody with him.

 “This song reminds me of you,” he said quietly. “Shouldn’t we have a song?”

“I thought we did?” You said, eyes closing. “We listen to a lot of music together.”

“What about this one?”

You smiled. “I like it.”

He leaned his forehead against yours. “A lot of songs remind me of you.”

“Well, we can have more than just one,” you said agreeably.

He nodded.

_Fighting against all odds  
I know we'll be alright this time_

Suddenly, he stopped dancing and you stepped back.

“What?” You asked. His expression had gone blank, a habit he had when he was thinking through too many things.

“I forgot something, I’ll be right back.” He jogged through the kitchen door and your frowned.

“If you made me get up to dance and leave me here after just one song, I’m really going to punch you James Buchanan Barnes!”

His laughter drifted over to you from his office and you smiled.

You stepped to the nearest window, looking at the busy avenue below and the handful of people walking down it. You _loved_ people watching. When you were younger, your mother, Tony, and you would sit on the roof and make up stories about everyone you’d see in the office building across from it.

Suddenly, your sixth sense prickled. You felt a pair of eyes on you but you hadn’t heard Bucky’s footsteps. You whirled around and found him staring at you with a small nervous smile.

“ _Bucky_ , you scared me. I didn’t hear…” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Come sit,” he asked and you sat next to him on the loveseat.

He fiddled with a small, red sketchbook.

“Is this new?” You asked.

Bucky nodded. “I made it for you. I- I got you for Secret Santa.”

“Ah, you’re not supposed to tell me!” You said, laughing. You loved it when he sketched things out for you – you saved every one of them into your journals.

As he handed it over, you realized his hand was trembling. “Buck?”

“Open it,” he said quietly.

You frowned but nodded. Flipping open the cover, you smiled when you saw the first sketch. Bucky had drawn you working on his arm. You recognized the scene – it was a few weeks back, right before the mission that’d gone bad. Bucky had snapped something in his elbow and you’d been the one to fix it.

Below the image, a familiar poem was scrawled in his neat penmanship.

_“My wounds don’t feel like wounds in your hands. They feel like beginnings, like a chance to make things right again.” - Untitled by Pavana._

A rush of emotions whirled through you and you smiled shakily at him. He smiled and nodded towards the book. “Keep going.”

The entire book was filled, with poetry, and sketches of you.

Some made you tear up while others made you laugh.

Like the one you’d found of you on your bed, eyes hooded and expression mischievous.

_“I really, really, really, love that thing you do with your hands when you’re excited to see me.”_

You kept flipping through it, reading all the captions at the bottom.

The last page seemed to be the only drawing that had been colored in. You had one hand around your stomach, the other was on your chest, and you were mid-laugh. The sun was a brilliant orange behind you, filling up most of the page. There, at the bottom, it said:

 _“She had the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and it took only her laugh to realize that beauty was the least of her.”*_ *Atticus

You laughed wetly, tears finally falling, and looked up at him. Bucky smiled, completely unabashed, and gently took the sketchbook from your hands.

“I thought about what you said during Steve’s birthday,” he said quietly, “about how poetry was what people used when they didn’t have the right words.”

Before you ask anything, he inhaled deeply and settled onto one knee.

Everything came rushing back to you and you remembered the ring. You gasped so hard you hiccupped.

“Bucky?”

After your anniversary dinner, the gala, Mexico, Steve’s birthday - it was happening. On this ordinary night with burger grease on your shirt, exhaustion in your bones, and Ed Sheeren in the background.

He put the sketchbook down to the side and inhaled. “I’m not - I’m not good with words, so I thought - this would-” he exhaled deeply and you watched him, trying to stop your wave of emotions. 

“I can’t begin to explain just how thankful I am that you came into my life. I was scared of you, of the idea of us, that at the beginning I made a lot of mistakes - but you never judged me. You never once looked at me any different than that first day in Germany,” he exhaled shakily, his eyes on his own hands.

“You’re my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without you. I would be honored if you’d even _think_ about spending the rest of your life with me.”

You stood up, not knowing what to do with yourself. You tried to force your tears to stop but it wasn’t working. His gaze turned to you; his blue twinkling.

“I love you, _God_ , do I love you. I love you more than you love New York-”

You laughed, your chest bubbling with excitement.

“- I love you more than Steve loves pie,” he grinned, encouraged by your laughter. “I love you more than Icarus loved the sun.”

With one last deep breath, Bucky opened his palm, the ring right in the center.

“Will you marry me?”

Since the moment you found the ring on the jet, you’d pictured this moment. You knew you’d be happy; you knew he’d try to get everything _just_ right - because you knew him. All the waiting had to eventually lead somewhere – to the perfect moment and here it was.

So of course, you let out the most unattractive sob and nodded.

“Yes,” you said between heaves. You dropped down to your own knees and shakily held out a hand. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

Bucky grinned, his eyes shining. He steadied your hand with his and slid the ring onto your finger. Once it was in place, you lifted your hand to look at it. It’d been a long time since you saw it last, but it was no less stunning.

“Oh, James,” your voice caught, “it’s _beautiful_.”

“It was my sister’s, Rebecca’s,” he said quietly. “I think she’d want you to have it.”

All of the emotions that you were capable of having at this moment rolled through you like waves crashing into the shore. You couldn’t help but laugh – you might be going into shock.

_Finally._

“I love you-” you launched yourself at him, “-I love you, I love you, _I love you_.”

You peppered his face with kisses until you both lost your balance and you toppled on top of him. You straddled his waist, mindful of his ribs, and grinned.

“We’re getting married,” you whispered.

He smiled his little _I-can’t-believe-I-get-to-have-this-smile_ and you melted. “We’re getting married,” he said, pulling you down to him.

You laughed and your chest felt like it would burst into fireworks. It wasn’t possible, the human body wasn’t built to withstand this much happiness.

He pressed his lips to yours and a hunger grew in you. You needed him, in every way possible and right this moment. He sat up, hands on your hips, and settled you in his lap. You pushed his shirt over his head and he grinned, hair sticking up wildly.

“I thought you weren’t going to sleep with me for the unforeseeable future?” He teased, his quick hands pushing your pants down. You ripped them off and pulled on his.

“That was James, my boyfriend. However, James _my fiancée_ – yeah, he’s getting laid. Right now. Repeatedly. Probably until tomorrow afternoon.” Your ring sparkled and you got distracted for a moment. “No, longer than that. I’m going to blow your fucking mind and maybe other things.”

His surprised laugh shook you both. The sound made its way into your chest and settled under your heart.

“I like that one,” he whispered against your skin. “ _Fiancée_.”

“Yeah?” You said softly, your heart expanding until it felt too big for your body.

Bucky looked up at you, his eyes filled with love. “Yeah, say it again.”

_But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own  
And in your eyes you're holding mine_

* * *

The next day, you stumbled upstairs into the common room and the team’s kitchen in search for ingredients. You’d only just managed to peel yourself away from Bucky and you needed eggs to make some pancakes.

It was early enough that you knew you weren’t likely to bump into anyone. Most of the team was set to arrive this afternoon and the rest were due tomorrow, on Christmas Eve.

As predicted, the kitchen was empty. Not bothering to turn on the light, you padded over to the refrigerator. You quickly gathered the items you needed and you carefully shut the door.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” a startled voice exclaimed.

You jumped, surprised, and almost dropped the five eggs cradled in your elbow.

“Jesus fu- Sam! What the hell!” You put everything down on the kitchen island and Sam blinked wearily at you.

“Who sneaks into the kitchen and doesn’t turn on the light?”

“I wasn’t sneaking,” you said, exasperated, trying to slow down your heart.

Zola, his fiancée, walked in hurriedly. “I heard shouting,” she said.

Wanda and Vision arrived next, both yawning. “Good morning,” they mumbled, oblivious to Sam’s rapid breathing.

“This one over here gave me a heart attack,” Sam said, still clutching his chest.

“What happened?” Wanda asked, hopping onto the counter.

“She was sneaking around and popped out from behind the fridge with the intent _to end my life_ ,” he sai.

“I wasn’t sneaking!” You cried.

“Jeez, there’s a lot of you in here at nine in the morning,” Tony said, walking in and going directly for the coffee. “What’s with all the yelling?”

“What are you doing here?” You asked, tone sharp.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “I own the building,” he huffed.

You rolled your eyes and Wanda snorted.

“In the kitchen,” you clarified.

“I own that too,” he said.

Sam laughed and shook his head. “It’s like having two of you, really.” He stuck up his hands and retreated backwards at the sight of your glare.

“I’m out of coffee,” Tony said, picking up a k-cup. “I’m surprised the entire building isn’t out. It’s all we drank the last few days.”

“Tony, we’re out of honey. I think Wanda keeps some in the- oh, everyone’s here!” Pepper said, bright smile on her face. Only Pepper would be happy and genuinely excited to see everyone this early in the morning.

Wanda pointed to the cabinet on the far right. “I keep it in there,” she said.

“Thanks! Oh, Zola, it’s been so long! How are you-”

The kitchen, which normally felt spacious and ample, was starting to feel a little tight with everyone bumping into each other.

You started picking everything up again and pointed to the elevators. “Right, this has been fun, I’m going to go-”

“Look who I found in the lobby,” Steve’s voice announced.

Bruce strode in afterwards, deep in conversation with Rhodey.

“Rhodey!” Tony shouted, somewhere behind Pepper and Vision.

“Merry Christmas everybody,” Rhodey said, wide grin on his face. “Whoa, I can see that everyone had the same idea – arriving early.”

You smiled and couldn’t help but elbow everyone out of the way. Rhodey smiled and you threw your arms around his neck.

“It’s been too long,” you told him. “I haven’t seen you since Steve’s birthday!”

“I know,” Rhodey squeezed your shoulders. “I heard you got into some trouble, no doubt that Stark trait of yours.”

“ _Hey_!” Tony said.

“Doll?” Bucky’s voice called out and you turned around just in time to catch his surprised expression. “You were taking a long time, I thought I’d come check up on you.”

“Bucky!” Zola said with a grin. Bucky leaned over you to smile at Zola.

“What’s up?” Rhodey smacked Bucky on the back.

“Oh, wait, now that we’re all in one place,” Pepper said loudly, “I wanted to ask what everyone’s thoughts were on the Christmas dinner…”

Everyone started talking at once, voices overlapping.

Feeling overwhelmed, your eyes landed on Bucky. He was leaning against the doorframe, a small smile on his face. You rolled your eyes and motioned to the elevators. He nodded and you’d taken your first few steps when Wanda screeched.

“What’s that?” She asked, her voice louder than everyone else’s. Her finger pointed towards your hand still clutching an egg.

The conversations around you died down as every head in the kitchen snapped towards you – or more specifically, towards your left hand. Self-conscious, you hid it behind your back.

“Is that – that can’t be – don’t play with my emotions like this,” Sam said, his eyes wide.

Steve straightened, his eyes darting to Bucky – who’s ears and neck turned pink. You turned to look at Tony, who’s expression was impassive.

“Kiddo?” Rhodey asked, stepping forward.

You glanced at Bucky, who shrugged, and you huffed a laugh. Of course – you’d waited a year to get the ring and you didn’t get to keep it to yourself for longer than twelve hours.  

“I’m getting married?”

Pepper and Wanda immediately started crying.

“Oh _honey_ ,” Pepper said, suffocating you in a hug, “I’m _so_ happy for you.”

“Pep, I think you’re choking her,” Rhodey chuckled.

Pepper let you go and you took a gulp of air. “I’m sorry, I’m just-” she teared up again.

Wanda tugged you into her arms and you smiled at her soft embrace.

“ _Maco,_ ” she said happily. “I knew it, I _knew_ it!”

“I gotta call Romanov!” Sam tapped quickly on his phone.

“Congratulations!” Zola said earnestly, her smile wide and genuine.

Natasha’s voice came through a speakerphone a moment later. “ _Barnes! I’m going to kick your ass! You just had to propose when I wasn’t there? You had the whole year and you pick now? I’m still six hours out! What happened to the Christmas proposal?_ ”

You huffed. Of course she knew, everyone probably knew at this rate.

Steve slapped Bucky in the back with a stupid grin and he smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Natasha. It just happened.”

“ _Yeah, you better be! Wanda! Send me photos of the ring. We’re throwing another party when I get back!”_

Everyone started speaking over each other excitedly.

“We need a liquor run!” Sam said loudly, already dragging Vision and Zola towards the wine cellar.

“It’s nine in the morning!” Your protest fell on deaf ears.

“We need music!” Rhodey said. “And a _toast_ , we should order food or -”

“Yes,” Pepper said, “I can have the chefs downstairs whip something up!”

Pepper and Rhodey talked animatedly, writing down a list.

Tony slid over to where you stood by the door.

“Well this is a surprise,” he said slowly. “I never thought you were interested in marriage.”

“I wasn’t – I’m not really - but it’s something about being married to _him_. He’s it for me, you know?” You watched as Bucky flushed at whatever Steve said. “I’d give him the moon if he asked for it.”

You saw Tony eyes dart towards Pepper, who was _still_ crying, and you smiled.

He turned back to you and huffed. “Yeah, I do. I was there for that fight remember?”

“But because your love for me is never ending, you understood the power of two people in love,” you nudged him with a wide smile.

“ _Jesus_ ,” he rolled his eyes. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours and you’re already this corny - that ring changed you.”

You looked down at the ring on your hand, your stomach flipping. “It changed you too,” you said.

At that, he smiled. “Yeah, it did.”

You both settled, watching your family flutter around excitedly. You caught Bucky’s eyes and smiled at his soft look.

“Besides,” you leaned onto Tony’s side, “I know he asked you for your permission.”

Tony stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 “I’m not mad,” you said lightly, “I know he didn’t do it in the traditional sense, since I’m not a _goat_ you’re selling.”

“Honestly, Giggles-”

“-he wouldn’t have asked me if you weren’t comfortable with it,” you said quietly – and it was true. It was something you’d known with certainty since the moment you stumbled across the ring.

Tony may not be Bucky’s favorite person, but he respected Tony’s importance in your life.

“It weighs on him, it always will – but, thank you for giving him this. I know it means a lot to him to have even just a little approval from you.” Turning to him, you smiled. “Seriously, _thank you_.”

Tony picked at invisible lint on his shirt and shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, well, he makes you happy. I’m not his biggest fan but it’s been a long couple of years and while I don’t think _forgiving_ is a word typically used with me-”

You snorted and he elbowed you.

“-it’s not a gaping wound anymore. Besides, I don’t know what it is with you two but, I’ve only ever wanted you to be safe and happy. He clearly does that and it’s obvious he thinks the world starts and ends with you. I think – are you _crying_?”

“No!” You said, hiding your face. “Damn it, I put this thing in on and it’s like a faucet I can’t turn off.”

Tony pulled you into a hug and laughed as he kissed the top of your head.

“Congrats kid.”

“Thanks.”

You glanced down at your hand. The emeralds gleamed under the lights and you grinned.

_You were getting married._

\----

“There you are,” you said, closing the balcony doors behind you. “Thanks for abandoning me, what happened to for better or for worse?”

Bucky smiled, tilting his head up at you. “I needed a break after Sam started making an argument for performing a song at the wedding.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, he gave me that speech too.” Plopping down next to him, you wrapped him in the blanket you’d taken from inside.

“How are you not cold?” You asked, always surprised by how he was a walking furnace.

“You’re here,” he said with a smile and you wrinkled your nose.

“ _Boo_ ,” you jeered. “Take him out ref!”

Bucky laughed, his hand coming up to his chest and you smiled.

“Zola keeps saying we could go dress shopping together,” you said, “she was asking what type of dress I wanted – I didn’t even know half the fabrics she was listing. How is it that I’m already overwhelmed and we haven’t even started planning anything?”

Bucky smiled and pressed a kiss to your temple. “You’d look good in anything.”

You huffed. “Easy for you to say, all you need is a suit.”

“You could wear a suit too,” Bucky said pensively, “I wouldn’t mind.”

Groaning, you dropped your head to his shoulder. “What if we eloped? Vegas with Elvis.”

“Tony would have our heads. Besides, you’d break Pepper’s heart.” He shakes his head. “For the record, I’d marry you anywhere. Just tell me when.”

At that, you smiled.

“You know this is going to be a whole occasion, right? We could want it to be as simple as much as we want and they’ll just steamroll it all,” you said.

“Yeah, but they’re family.”

You looked up at them through the windows, celebrating your engagement.

Sighing, you pressed your face into the side of his neck. “We should’ve stayed in our apartment for one more day.”

Bucky laughed. “It won’t be so bad.”

“You can’t toss me to the wolves, I can’t go through all this planning alone,” you said, suddenly desperate not to be alone with the unavoidable stress.

Bucky pushed back your hair and smiled tenderly at you. “We take shifts, remember? You swim and I swim.”

You brought your hand up to his cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear and smiled. You thought back on everything you’d been through together and all the adventures that were still to come. You didn’t understand how the universe ever decided that you belonged together but, you would be eternally grateful that it had. It wasn’t always going to be this easy, but anything worth having never was.

You looked into his eyes - his happy, squinty, adorable eyes and nodded.

“You swim, I swim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Badabing, badaboom! 
> 
> I can't believe this is actually done! Seriously - I really can't. I'd written snippets of this when I was still writing IASW. Since I never know when to leave well enough alone - I will definitely be writing a multichapter for the wedding. (Also, for anyone who's seen Endgame, find me so we can sob about it together.)
> 
> However, I will be coming out with something else sooner, so keep an eye out.
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

>  **Pet names:**  
>  _Iubire - my love_  
>  _Maco - kitten_  
>  _Zaika - little bunny_  
>  _Carino – my darling/sweetheart (kinda)_
> 
> Everything besides the Spanish is a wild guess to me, thank you google translate (or I forsake you?) 
> 
> As always, you can find me here: havecourage-darling.tumblr.com.


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